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Thread: Itís been 4 months now. Did I do the right thing?

  1. #21

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    Mar 2019
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It wasn't "easy". Why do people always insist that those of us who post think these things should be "easy"?

    I stayed in an awful relationship for 4 years. I tolerated things that no healthy person would consider tolerating. The only way I got out was because HE dumped ME. And my greatest fear was that if he tried to come back I would accept him.

    So I removed myself (moved 400 miles away) because I kept contacting him and driving by his house at 5 am and I knew being too far away was the only way I would stop. It worked. I now feel not one single urge to have him in my life. He's tried, but I am now able to stay away. I don't even find the thought of him attractive one bit. It took me about 5 years before I finally totally had nothing to do with him.

    So no, not "easy". Nothing worthwhile is "easy". It takes dedication and work and pain. But I had to ask myself, do I want to continue living my life this way? And the answer was "no way". So I had to do whatever it took.

    It seems like you are headed in a good direction. Not having any form of contact for over 2 months is a good start.
    Sorry if I sounded patronising or cruel. It sounds like you had a very difficult time but I am glad you feel better now. You must know how I feel then if you were contacting him when you know you shouldn't. It took me 2 years to build up enough strength & it been 4 months now & I have resisted her hoovering attempts but it is still hard. It has really messed with my head. She broke up with me constantly plus made me feel so low & worthless. All I keep seeing in my head is her calling me grotesque & how I am below her. This then makes me think that I may have been better just putting up with her s**t because I cant be worth much more.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
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    Jan 2015
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    10,497
    He dumped me for a woman he was cheating on me with, and you know what I told people? "I want to be the one he turns to when it all goes bad with his girlfriend". Yep, I actually said that! I wanted him back even though he treated me horribly, cheated and dumped me. Man, was I sick back then.

    But I didn't want to be sick.

    And it's not love when you think the opinion of someone so awful is important. And that you should base YOUR opinion of yourself on what that horrible person says.

    Are you attending any therapy or groups currently?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2007
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    Originally Posted by mangan
    Yes I agree as why else would I put myself through this for 2 years? My parents were always fighting & i was always trying to fix it plus due to a rare medical condition I was made to feel different has a child. I now believe that the combination of this has led me to have this belief that I need to fix things plus my self esteem is so low I believe I do not deserve any better.

    I have blocked her on Facebook but I have a business account which I was using to look at her profile. I know I need to block this too. I have no idea why I keep looking at her profile. It's like I am looking for confirmation that she is hurting or messing over some other guy like she did too but then I'm obviously seeing her flirting with guys & posting pics etc.

    I had 8 therapy sessions last year. I have emailed them again today to see if I am able to have some more. I am in the UK & its free sometimes but I am not sure if I am entitled to more. I am waiting for a reply.
    Great that it is over! Great that you got therapy and recognize your issues!

    Have you blocked her number and emails so that she cannot reach out?

    Glad you will continue with the therapy.

  4. #24

    Join Date
    Mar 2019
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    15
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He dumped me for a woman he was cheating on me with, and you know what I told people? "I want to be the one he turns to when it all goes bad with his girlfriend". Yep, I actually said that! I wanted him back even though he treated me horribly, cheated and dumped me. Man, was I sick back then.

    But I didn't want to be sick.

    And it's not love when you think the opinion of someone so awful is important. And that you should base YOUR opinion of yourself on what that horrible person says.

    Are you attending any therapy or groups currently?
    Thats terrible :( but I understand fully how you must have felt as I kind of feel the same even though logically I dont. It's a fight between my mind & heart but luckily my mind is winning.

    She once said that she thought of other men when we had sex because I didn't do anything for her & I still took her back & continued to sleep with her thinking that she was probably thinking of some other guy. This sort of stuff really damaged my already low self esteem but she apologised & said she didn't mean it so all was ok :/

    I am not attending anything apart from spending time with some great friends. I am just waiting for a therapist to get back to me for some possible therapy.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    You are not answering my question about blocking?

  7. #26

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    Mar 2019
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Great that it is over! Great that you got therapy and recognize your issues!

    Have you blocked her number and emails so that she cannot reach out?

    Glad you will continue with the therapy.
    I can see the madness but my heart has the tendency to try & take over.

    I have blocked her Facebook but not her number or email. She tried texting / phoning / emailing me but I have ignored everything & it's now stopped for a month.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2007
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    You need to do it! Haven't you had enough? You need to block and delete everything!

  9. #28

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    Mar 2019
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You need to do it! Haven't you had enough? You need to block and delete everything!
    Yes I have had a enough! I know I need to block & delete everything & I will.

  10. #29
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    Dec 2007
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    Then do it! Why wouldn't you? Are you hoping for a reconciliation?

  11. #30
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    You've come this far! Help yourself!

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