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Thread: Itís been 4 months now. Did I do the right thing?

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Don't understand why you returned after the second break up. It should have been clear that you were not compatible, yet you went for 28 more rounds. Learn from this!

    You probably have not blocked her yet, and still involved in the drama. This is/was so unhealthy
    You cant understand it because you clearly dont have some underlying problem as I do.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mangan
    You cant understand it because you clearly dont have some underlying problem as I do.
    What is your underlying problem?

  3. #13
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    After 2 years & over 30 occasions of my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me I called it a day
    I stopped reading at that point. As East would say, she has registry errors, eveything seems to be defaulting to the drama.dll app.

    Consider yourself lucky you called it off before she did yet again, forget her. Somebody better will come along.

  4. #14
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    OP, you were getting something out of this toxic dynamic.

    Are you going to block her? Will you get therapy?

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by Annia
    What is your underlying problem?
    I had therapy towards the back end of the relationship. My therapist agreed that I had some codependency issues.

  7. #16
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    Codependency doesn't require you to return to a bad relationship 29 times. I had codependent tendencies and I addressed those by attending group meetings and by removing myself from people who I tended to place above my own personal well being.

    I'm curious, why do you want to contact her? What would be the point, and what would you say?

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    I stopped reading at that point. As East would say, she has registry errors, eveything seems to be defaulting to the drama.dll app.

    Consider yourself lucky you called it off before she did yet again, forget her. Somebody better will come along.
    I do logically know that this would of just carried on & on if I didn't stop it when I did. It has taken me a lot of work to get to the stage where I did stop it. I have been no contact now since before Christmas 2018. This is good for me as previously I couldn't ignore her.

    If I look from the outside & imagine my friend was going through the same I would have told him to get rid ages ago but when it came to me I found it so difficult.

  9. #18

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Codependency doesn't require you to return to a bad relationship 29 times. I had codependent tendencies and I addressed those by attending group meetings and by removing myself from people who I tended to place above my own personal well being.

    I'm curious, why do you want to contact her? What would be the point, and what would you say?
    Just because you were able to address your codependency doesn't mean everyone else would as easy. Look at it this way. There is obviously something wrong with me somewhere. Why would I keep putting up with this s**t. It's either trauma bonding or something else that I need help with. I had 8 sessions of therapy which helped me to stop it & call it a day.

    I didnt say I wanted to contact her I said "There has been times when I have felt down & almost contacted her but I havenít & I have just tried remembering all the things above."

    She broke up with me over 30 times & I got back with her each time. This time I have gone no contact but I am not going to lie & say that it has been easy & yes there has been a few times when I have nearly caved in but I haven't.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    OP, you were getting something out of this toxic dynamic.

    Are you going to block her? Will you get therapy?
    Yes I agree as why else would I put myself through this for 2 years? My parents were always fighting & i was always trying to fix it plus due to a rare medical condition I was made to feel different has a child. I now believe that the combination of this has led me to have this belief that I need to fix things plus my self esteem is so low I believe I do not deserve any better.

    I have blocked her on Facebook but I have a business account which I was using to look at her profile. I know I need to block this too. I have no idea why I keep looking at her profile. It's like I am looking for confirmation that she is hurting or messing over some other guy like she did too but then I'm obviously seeing her flirting with guys & posting pics etc.

    I had 8 therapy sessions last year. I have emailed them again today to see if I am able to have some more. I am in the UK & its free sometimes but I am not sure if I am entitled to more. I am waiting for a reply.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by mangan
    Just because you were able to address your codependency doesn't mean everyone else would as easy. Look at it this way. There is obviously something wrong with me somewhere. Why would I keep putting up with this s**t. It's either trauma bonding or something else that I need help with. I had 8 sessions of therapy which helped me to stop it & call it a day.

    I didnt say I wanted to contact her I said "There has been times when I have felt down & almost contacted her but I havenít & I have just tried remembering all the things above."

    She broke up with me over 30 times & I got back with her each time. This time I have gone no contact but I am not going to lie & say that it has been easy & yes there has been a few times when I have nearly caved in but I haven't.
    It wasn't "easy". Why do people always insist that those of us who post think these things should be "easy"?

    I stayed in an awful relationship for 4 years. I tolerated things that no healthy person would consider tolerating. The only way I got out was because HE dumped ME. And my greatest fear was that if he tried to come back I would accept him.

    So I removed myself (moved 400 miles away) because I kept contacting him and driving by his house at 5 am and I knew being too far away was the only way I would stop. It worked. I now feel not one single urge to have him in my life. He's tried, but I am now able to stay away. I don't even find the thought of him attractive one bit. It took me about 5 years before I finally totally had nothing to do with him.

    So no, not "easy". Nothing worthwhile is "easy". It takes dedication and work and pain. But I had to ask myself, do I want to continue living my life this way? And the answer was "no way". So I had to do whatever it took.

    It seems like you are headed in a good direction. Not having any form of contact for over 2 months is a good start.

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