My ex texted me about a year later.

I posted here a while back. But now a year has passed and Im in a new confusing situation. Back in Dec 2018 around Christmas my ex texted me saying she didnt want to be mad anymore and that she wanted to be friends but doesnt want to get back together. I agreed and we been just friends since. Shes dorming in college so we had a long distance relationship before things ended. We were HS sweethearts and were together for 4 years total. During the year of the break up she had a relationship with someone for a couple months after. It seemed like it was a rebound. But Im a bit confused about the situation im in now. A couple weeks ago we talked on the phone for a couple of hours and everything went well but at the end of the call she said something like "I dont want you to think that we are getting back together I just like to be friends". I agreed with her. But what confuses me is that she still snapchats me everyday and if i text her or talk to her in anyway she would reply with no hesation. She started to like some of the things I like too that she didnt like during our realtionship (anime being one of those things lol) I tested the waters to try and flirt with her and she told me to chill with doing that. I still like her and I want to see if we could start a new relationship slowly but with her being long distance I can only really see her in person during her breaks or holidays. How should I approach this to start to make her have feeling for me again with only using text and calling? I know somethings there or she wouldnt be talking to me everyday. Shes just not making it easy.

Sounds like she misses you but doesn't want you back and as you clearly still hold a candle for her this can only end badly for you. Potentially you may also be filling some kind of gap in her life but once the gaps filled you will become completely unimportant.

You can’t make her have feelings again, nor can she or anyone else.

She’s told you she doesn’t want to get back together, she’s told you not to flirt with her.

By continuing this “friendship” with her, you’re setting yourself up to be broken up with again, this time as a friend. You’re going to feel the heartbreak all over again.

Block her number and focus on moving on with your life. Give your attention to ladies who are actually interested in dating you.

I don't know why some women do that, but I can tell you that all she's doing is prolonging your agony. I never believe in this 'being friends' crap after a couple splits up, especially if one of the them doesn't want to break up. If she doesn't want to get back with you, she should respect you enough to let you go on with your life. Watching what she does on social media is just torturing yourself.

My advise is to tell her that you don't wish to be friends, and it's too painful to be in communication with her. Then block her on everything and move on.

You agreed to be her friend under false pretenses. She merely wants to be your friend, only.

You are doing it in the hopes it evolves back into a relationship.

You both have different agendas and you will ultimately be disappointed.

You point out her frequency of contact as if it's an indication of possible interest, but from where I sit you are merely filling in the space a boyfriend otherwise would be until which time she finds another guy to have that daily contact with.

Are you going to be ok when she finds a new boyfriend?

If not, then you can't be her friend.

I am sorry.

I mean we are cool but I do still have feelings so you’re right i’m pretty just setting myself up for failure

Yep, say that you tried but it's not working for you as you want different things which makes frendship impossible, wish her all the best and block.

I ended a friendship where I clearly stated I wanted to be friends but he kept trying to convince me to date him. I stopped talking to him because it was clear he didn't hear me, he didn't respect my wishes and he didn't care about my feelings, only his own.

Be careful; she may start to view you as someone who only cares about what HE wants and doesn't care what she has clearly stated she wants.

never looked it at it like that. luckily i’m not one to push like that, i’ve kept it as only friends and haven’t pushed anything but it’s a struggle for me. I like her friendship even if it doesn’t lead to anything but I also know it’s going to hurt in the end if she starts to date someone else.

Being friends with her will drive away potential romantic partners for you, because no self-respecting woman will date you when you have daily communication with an ex whom you still have a crush on.

It pissed me off when a guy dumped me texted me 5 months later. It intruded on my closure and set me back to square one in trying to get to a mentally healthy place. Don't let other's goals override what is best for you. All the time and emotional energy you're investing in someone who dumped you could be spent pursuing someone new who wants you to stick around.

. . .besides, there is no motivation to return to you if she can have easy access to you at a reduced capacity. You just agreed to be demoted as her friend.

I don't think that was your intention.

Add in, she'll likely lose respect for you in the meantime.

I'd tell her that you have enough friends, and unless she wants to talk about getting back together, you're moving on.

She'll either sink or swim, yet she'll hear those words loud and clear.

Come to think of it you’re right I was in the process of just forgetting about her and working on my own. crazy way you put it into perspective thanks means a lot

She wants you as a beta male orbiter for free attention while she looks for other guys. Tell her if she wants to talk without any limitations she should reach out, if not wish her luck and find someone else.

I never believe in this 'being friends' crap after a couple splits up, especially if one of the them doesn't want to break up. If she doesn't want to get back with you, she should respect you enough to let you go on with your life. Watching what she does on social media is just torturing yourself.

 

My advise is to tell her that you don't wish to be friends, and it's too painful to be in communication with her. Then block her on everything and move on.

I agree 100%.

Good post.

I agree. You always see people writing block and delete....ok, I get that some of them had really bad experiences...but for those of us that didn't have it, blocking the person is just rude in my opinion. You can always say in a nice tone that friendship is not something you're interested and let they contact you if they change their mind. Like you said, I'm sure most of the exes are not keeping us in their life to screw us over, but they genuinely miss us, but also are not interested in more than just a friendship...so if you're not up to it you must tell them and if she's good person, I'm sure she'll respect it.

Blocking them reminds you not to initiate any contact with them. A small thing, for sure, but useful late in the evening. If they really want to get in contact, they will.

Generally i only advise block and delete when there has been some poor/abusive/lying/decieitful behaviour. If it's a relatively civil break up over distance/logistics etc then it may not be essential if you can genuinely hold a platonic friendship. In the OP case here this is clearly not possible so best to wish them well and block for the benefit of both.

I 100% agree with what you guys are saying but i’m stupid and found this artical online. what are your guys thoughts on this article about being in a friendzone with an ex? apparently if I keep open lines of communication I could potentially change how the relationship turn into. any thoughts?

https://www.themodernman.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-ex-puts-you-in-the-friend-zone.html

He’s presenting himself as buthurt if he tells her her can’t handle being friends and blocks her, reinforcing the notion that’s she’s the sexual selector. If he wants any chance of ever regaining her respect he needs to go no contact but first he should calmly and without bitterness state what he wants.

I agree but he is only keeping the lines of communication open via a false friendship to try and sneak in the back door romantically but the ex is wise to the OP strategy.

OP you must be honest and say what you want in clear terms to her and if she cannot reciprocate then wish her well and walk away.

I 100% agree with what you guys are saying but i’m stupid and found this artical online. what are your guys thoughts on this article about being in a friendzone with an ex? apparently if I keep open lines of communication I could potentially change how the relationship turn into. any thoughts?

https://www.themodernman.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-ex-puts-you-in-the-friend-zone.html

How much is that guy charging for his "full program for better results"?

No. It will have the opposite effect. Go no contact and use the time to read read the rational male.

I 100% agree with what you guys are saying but i’m stupid and found this artical online. what are your guys thoughts on this article about being in a friendzone with an ex? apparently if I keep open lines of communication I could potentially change how the relationship turn into. any thoughts?

https://www.themodernman.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-ex-puts-you-in-the-friend-zone.html

Google the Dating Guy on youtube, and have a look at his video where he deconstructs Dan Bacon's, and other self proclaimed 'experts', use of standard sales techniques to separate the brokenhearted from their money. They are telling you what you want to hear.

There are very few people on youtube you should listen to. Dating Guy and Rory at the Lovechat are two of them.

thanks i’ll check it out!

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. If she didn't care enough about you and dumped you once, if you got back together, when the newness wears off again, she'd likely dump you all over again. From what I've witnessed in my lifetime, the majority of couples who get back together break up again. In your case, it sounds like there was nothing to fix and that she just outgrew the relationship, unless you know otherwise.

I've never once taken anyone back, whether I did the dumping or he did. I'd rather risk my heart on someone new.