Decisions in a Relationship

If you have a partner who is honest and loyal but does not make you happy for various reasons who wants to try harder and cares for you yet they are a bit too old for you but they are your best friend. If you have broken up with them but they want to do what it takes to get you back but you met someone who makes you so happy that cares for you, makes the effort, treats you right, wants to please you, makes you laugh, wants to commit, can give you the life you want and support you. Would you accept this someone new for the sake of your happiness or accept your best friend knowing they cannot make you happy and that you won't be happy but accept them because you cannot afford to lose your best friend who you trust, and who is there for you? Would you be wrong to sacrifice your happiness to stay and safeguard their wellbeing if you feared the consequenses impacting on their wellbeing as a result of leaving your best friend? Or is being compassionate and loyal causing you more harm than good? Any thoughts on this?

Are you broken up at this point? Are you still talking "as friends"? Does he know he's been friendzoned? Are you dating the other guy? Don't string either one along. Make up your mind and act accordingly. Let guy 1 know he's just a friend stop using a carrot and stick with him. You'll have to take a risk on the new guy.

a partner who is honest and loyal but does not make you happy for various reasons

If you have broken up with them but they want to do what it takes to get you back

 

you met someone who makes you so happy that cares for you, makes the effort, treats you right, wants to please you, makes you laugh, wants to commit, can give you the life you want and support you.

You should never settle for anyone who isnt providing most of what you need.

The reality is that you're just not into him as a romantic partner, and he can no longer be your friend. Most of your dating prospects on the planet, unless they are ultra trusting, confident, and free spirited, will walk away if you continue to communicate with your ex, and especially one who wants you back.

Nobody said life was easy. You took a risk and it didn't pan out. Now you have to make changes in your life. Some will be upsetting and some will lead you to exactly where you want to be. Sometimes you have to sacrifice one thing to achieve a different goal. Good luck in the next chapter of your life.

Would you be wrong to sacrifice your happiness to stay

Yes, sacrificing your own happiness would be wrong. You cannot make your partner happy if you yourself are not happy. He deserves a woman who is madly in love with him, and you deserve a man with whom you are madly in love.

Settling is never the right choice.

I do not think it is fair to keep the first one around, as you are not in love. It is certainly not fair that you emotionally cheat on him with this other guy. You need to end the relationship and cut all contact - you cannot be friends, as it would be very painful for him.

End it. I hope you find happiness with the new guy.

It is never a good idea to stay with someone merely out of guilt and obligation. If you truly no longer love him as a romantic partner then be compassionate and let him go.

Let him go to find someone who's madly in love with him because that's what he deserves.

Breakups are never easy and you clearly don't like the idea of disappointing him. But he'd be much more disappointed if you he knew that you were staying even though you were no longer happy, not in love with him and attracted to someone else.

If you have found a new relationship with someone that makes you happy, put some time and energy into developing a friendship with them instead of worrying and feeling guilty about letting go of something that doesn't work for either of you. You both deserve to find partners that will appreciate you and bring you joy.

I had an ex who wanted to be friends and stay in communication with me when she monkey branched to another guy. The reasons for that are pretty obvious, and limited term, so I calmly explained why that was not happening.

Apart from it being toxic for the dumpee, I made a point of telling her it was disrespectful of her new relationship with her new partner. Basically, If I was him, I would not be putting up with that crap.

It really is the best solution all round, and your soon to be ex is probably going to take it if you move on.

So stop being selfish, and accept the consequences of your decision about what is best for you.

Rayray out.

You have to let the friend that is too old for you and not romantically interesting to you go and pursue the relationship with the new person as long as you are broken up with person #1 and had been when you met person #2. I would limit my contact/let person #1 fade into the background or cut contact completely to make sure you really are invested in the new relationship and really want this person instead of just finding them more exciting by comparison.