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Thread: Is it bad to ‘see’ two people at once?

  1. #11
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    'Personally I prefer to be faithful to only one man and stay with him and only him but then that is because I'm the loyal, committed type who wants to settle down and stay with one man forever.
    I would never stay with a man who was dating another woman because I would feel like a meaningless object to him'

    _____________

    God yes. Absolutely. Stamped 'March 2019'.

    March 1994 though? By golly would I laugh in your face..

    Playing around with several blokes /chicks at the time is for the young. I say let her play whilst she can. Because she won't be able to forever.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It looks like guy #1 is basically a FWB thing. It is just about sex for him and he "hangs out" with you to make sure the sex keeps going.

    Guy #2 looks like more potential. Maybe he has grown and matured enough to be in a relationship.

    I am curious what you want? Just casual dating (including sex) or dating to meet the right guy for a relationship?

    To answer your question: It depends on the person. Some people are totally okay with multi dating where others will turn their entire focus towards one person after a few dates.

    If you just want to date with no exclusivity then tell these 2 guys so they know where you stand.

    Lost

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    When you're not exclusive with anyone, you're free to do what you want and don't have to answer to anyone who asks if you're boinking anyone else. What you should consider is, what if guy 2 somehow found out you're having sex with guy 1, and even though it's not unethical, would be a turn off to him and he dumped you? Is boinking guy 1 worth the risk?

    I can only speak for myself in that I consider giving the gift of my body as something I only do with someone I perceive who values me. Not to say that I haven't done otherwise in the past, but I learned that it made me feel yucky, unfulfilled, and if I could live my life over again, I would've refrained. Usually, if I'm really excited about a new prospect, I lose interest in dividing my time between him and other male prospects. I'm just not into juggling and I prefer to concentrate on one guy at a time and see where it leads.

    It's all about your comfort level, though, and dating guys who share your dating style. Would you still want to date guy 1 or 2 if they were having sex with other women while actively dating you? Something to consider when deciding for yourself what's best for you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When you are just dating, sure you can see as much people as you want. However, when you start sleeping with multiple people at once....things are liable to get very messy on you very fast. These boards are littered with posts about how someone just can't get past the fact that their SO was sleeping around when they first started dating. Sure logically they understand that nobody was committed, there was no exclusivity and technically it was fair game, BUT emotionally, many people feel it's cheating and can't get over that. It wrecks relationships even a year or two down the road. Some cases even more down the road and it just causes massive damage to the relationship. Remember that emotions aren't rational and once someone gets hung up on that, it's game over for you.

    Above aside, guy one sounds like a user. How convenient for him that you'll come over to his, sleep with him and also take him out on dates and pay for that. That's not what equality looks like. He is happy to accept the benefits you are bringing over but does nothing to reciprocate. Why are you even bothering with this unless he is just amazing in bed and you are fine with just that. In that case, stop trying to date and just keep it at the level it's at - netflix and chill as you feel the urge so to speak. Don't waste time, money, or effort on "dates". The guy isn't dating you.

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  6. #15
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    I've got personal experience with someone who forgot to mention to me that she was "dating" another person.

    What she really meant was that she was being intimate with the both of us on the same day, sometimes leave one place go to the next.
    Total alarming turnoff to me to find that out.

    Some people are fine with that, I sure was not.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    I've got personal experience with someone who forgot to mention to me that she was "dating" another person.

    What she really meant was that she was being intimate with the both of us on the same day, sometimes leave one place go to the next.
    Total alarming turnoff to me to find that out.

    Some people are fine with that, I sure was not.
    Same.

    But I think there’s a huge difference between multidating and being kinda used by a FWB and being unable to let that go while you find something better. If I found that out about someone I was dating, I’d lose a lot of respect for them because to me they wouldn’t be in a healthy head space and they’re attempting to include me in their messy stew. and I’d say the same for a man or a woman.

    OPer to reply to your previous reply to me I don’t care if you were single for 40 years you have a situations with no potentionial with guy 1 yet you’re keeping him on the back burner, while also still remaining sexually active. At its core that’s what you’re doing. And I’m not saying guy 1 is a gem, he sounds pretty ‘user’ like but it sucks for guy 2. I wouldn’t be cool with dating someone who was sexually active with someone else, I don’t care if it’s first meet date whatever, that’s not ok with me, we all have different standards tho...

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Dating two people at once may mean one thing to you and another thing to the next person.
    Some people assume that when you are having sex, they aren't having sex with others.
    Having said that, for my own comfort I would clarify things with the guy you are having sex with.
    Problem solved. . or at least mitigated.

  9. #18
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    Let me ask you this. With guy number one, if you weren't communicating with him, organizing time, would he just sort of disappear? Maybe he comes out of the woodwork after a couple weeks or a month, but without your prompting, he's pretty much absent?

    I say go for it. Explore the possibility with guy number 2. Overlap is problematic, but if #1 tends to disappear, why not date during the "dry spells?"

    I think #1 is really not worth your time, and if you're in a place that you'd like to explore a more serious relationship, whether it be with #2 or someone else, it's about time to cut the cord with #1. He's really not offering you what you truly want, and he will be problematic to the guys you date. You've kind of coasted along with a boy-toy, but if you're looking to get serious, you need to drop the baggage. Guy #2 probably won't take too kindly if he finds out you've been in bed with some other dude during the time that you were dating. No one is going to take too kindly with affection and kissing, but the bedroom is going to toss this over the edge, so I think you need to make a choice on your direction. I truly see no issues at all going out on a date or two when boy-toy really isn't stepping up to the plate, but if you see things moving in the possibly serious direction with this new guy, you need to put a stop #1...before the bedroom becomes an issue with the new guy.

  10. #19
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    The first guy is just using you for sex, that's it. You shouldn't be paying for the dinners and just netflix and chilling, it should more 50/50 or he should be paying alittle more.

    Go for guy 2.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I would say check your motives here. Why do you want to keep someone that puts no energy into a relationship with you as a backup? Is it just for the sex or are you hoping for something more? Although if you are hoping for more with guy 1 I would say that isn't realistic because he doesn't seem to be into the idea of moving things forward with you at all.

    My own experience is that I had a guy that I kept around as a sort of "backup" for over a year, maybe longer... we would see each other periodically mainly for sex, some conversation, but it was never going anywhere. I was dating at the same time and he was aware of and okay with this... and as soon as I met someone I liked I would tell him and that would be it. This is an example of an arrangement where two people both know and are okay with what's going on vs. what you are talking about which is a little bit sneaky because neither knows about the other.

  12. 03-07-2019, 12:15 AM

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