Not liking how I look is making me not liking how he looks

Hello,

Just came in for sharing what is happening to me.

I want to lose weight, at the moment i am 57 kg and I want to reach 53 kg.

I don't like how my belly or my tights look.

My boyfriend likes my body a lot! He always finds me sexy even if I don't find myself so.

The fact that I don't like myself though is like making me find imperfections in him as well.

It all comes down to my parents and how I grew up, being "criticized" about my body.

He is very thin and tall but has a little bit of a belly and he doesn't always hold it in.

I know that all of this is no related to me and if he likes himself I would be a to suggest he does something because I don't like it.

And I don't like it because I don't like myself.

In the end I just have to work on myself and my issues, right?

Thanks,

Mikaila

You sound to me like you may suffer from body dysmorphia. I have it so what you describe sounds familiar, but I'm not an expert, so it might be worth doing some research and going to your GP for some help with this. There are some very good books available too that might help alter your thinking patterns through CBT techniques.

Instead of making excuses about a past upbringing, why not consider therapy to examine why you don't like yourself and project that on to others. Only therapy can help you sort out ways to stop this obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior.

The fact that I don't like myself though is like making me find imperfections in him as well.

It all comes down to my parents and how I grew up, being "criticized" about my body.

You say you want to lose weight. I can't comment on whether that would be a healthy goal for you, as I don't know your height, body composition, medical history and so on.

But would you say you currently lead a healthy lifestyle? Do you try to eat well-balanced meals, and remain active?

I would be curious to know how much of this is related to real lifestyle changes you need to make, versus being over-critical of yourself and your boyfriend.

125 lbs or 57kg is a healthy weight for an average size girl. I would be concerned about possible body dysmorphia or even anorexia.

I am not saying you do have those but it's always a good thing to be aware and to keep an eye out.

Is this the same guy you were criticizing for table manners or posture? Don't blame your parents if you continue to choose to nitpick and bully people.

How tall are you? Picking a weight to shoot for out of thin air is silly really. Being healthy (mind and body) is what is important.

I agree you should go see your medical doctor and ask for a referral to see a therapist so you can talk out your childhood and how it is affecting you today. There is a way past all this but you cannot do it alone.

Lost

Agree with the others and also why in the world should your partner hold in his belly? What's wrong if people see that his belly protrudes? Certainly if it's affecting his back, if he has poor posture which can affect his health/future health then yes you might be able to talk with him about doing some exercises to improve his core strength which will improve how he walks/posture(I think? No expert on this just common sense).

You are right everyone.

My therapist says that because on how I grew up, without perceiving my parents unconditional love, I am having difficulties in giving and accepting unconditional love.

My boyfriend liked me how I am from the very beginning but I couldn't.

I love him, I adore him and he is wonderful and I know that all the things I mention in previous posts as well do not matter.

I am working hard on changing myself, in loving myself as he loves himself and me.

Great you are going to therapy to sort all that out. Try not to be just like your parents nitpicking and bullying. Learn to accept others and accept yourself.

My therapist says that because on how I grew up, without perceiving my parents unconditional love, I am having difficulties in giving and accepting unconditional love.

You are right everyone.

 

My therapist says that because on how I grew up, without perceiving my parents unconditional love, I am having difficulties in giving and accepting unconditional love.

 

My boyfriend liked me how I am from the very beginning but I couldn't.

 

I love him, I adore him and he is wonderful and I know that all the things I mention in previous posts as well do not matter.

 

I am working hard on changing myself, in loving myself as he loves himself and me.

Yes, glad you are working hard at changing your actions and reactions. You are an adult now and can make your own choices.