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Thread: Advice on where I stand

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2019
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    Advice on where I stand

    So I met a girl I like and we've met 1 to 1 four times now, a short mini coffee, two evening dates and a day date. The first evening date was so good, and the was some chemistry there and afterwards she text me to say she was looking fear to the next time. In fact it's been quite difficult to replicate the high of that night.

    After the second evening date I text her first and she replied positively but then the next morning she said she "wasn't looking for anything other than friendship at the moment." She recognised it was a weird thing to say and I wouldn't like it, but she still wanted to meet again. I interpreted this not as she only wants to be platonic friends but that she wants to get to know me better and build trust first. It's hard to know someone after only a few hours. We arranged to meet a week later.

    During the daytime date, it felt a bit strange for me because I wasn't sure if I should be trying to move things on, or just hang out.

    I think it's clear to her that I like her, but I'm concerned that if we just keep hanging out I'll get friendzoned completely or if her feelings change and she becomes ready to progress, but I can't read those signs then I look like the guy who isn't interested anymore.

    One mistake I made was texting her straight after the most recent day "date / non-date" and trying to set up another meeting. She said she was really busy, but also added in language like, "can we leave it for week?" and "is that ok with you?" which I interpreted as still wanting to meet but needing some space.

    Since then I gave her space, and didn't text at all for 2 week. She didn't text me either, but we recently had a short text exchange. I didn't ask for a date yet. Bit concerned about asking again.

    I know that I shouldn't put this girl on a pedestal and I do have some other dates coming up but it's difficult not to have a preference. We get on really well together, and seem to have a connection. Things are fun and we tease each other.

    Also four dates in we've not kissed. And that's because she used the word "friend." I know there isn't technically a rule that says - if we haven't kissed by X dates it's a failure but that word took me back and it's getting more difficult each time.

    Finally she also mentioned she has had some bad relationships recently. I'm of course sensitive to that and want her to trust me rather than think I'm "only after one thing" but I also want to balance showing that I'm still interested (and not just as hanging out as buddies) without being needy / the "sweet" guy, and taking the lead (building a level of flirty attraction and progressing touch) without making her so uncomfortable she just runs away.

    - Is it possible for me to increase the flirty-attractiveness while still being respectful? How?
    - Or do I need to explain my confusion to her. She's been clear by saying she's not looking for a relationship but I also know that friends means different things to different people (eg. platonic friends, fwb, taking things slow). I don't know which one she has in mind but "a talk" just seems like a lot of pressure!
    Last edited by ags13; 03-06-2019 at 03:30 AM. Reason: Error

  2. #2
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    I think it would be best to focus on other options, OP.

    She doesn't appear very interested, my friend.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately between the 'friend' remark, being busy as well as not contacting you, she doesn't sound interested. Focus on your other dates but use a more definitive approach rather and vague hanging out and "non-dates".
    Originally Posted by ags13
    I do have some other dates coming up but it's difficult not to have a preference. We get on really well together, and seem to have a connection. Things are fun and we tease each other.

  4. 03-07-2019, 12:21 AM


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