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Did I make a mistake? I think about him everyday


StrawberryCake

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I had been talking to a guy. Talking everyday, going on dates, I had met a couple of his friends, he had met mine.

 

This lasted 7 months. 3 months in, I asked him his intentions, he said he wasn’t sure yet.

 

7 months in, still no commitment so I walked away. I told him I was done.

 

He didn’t try to fix it. It’s been a month since we last spoke.

 

I liked him a lot, but didn’t want to get played, that’s why I walked away.

 

I think about him a lot though, just wondering if I made a mistake by walking away.

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Nope. You honestly stuck around too long for my tastes. If someone isn't interested in a committed relationship after 3 months, they never will be. You might still miss the guy and even be attracted to him, but if what you want is a serious monogamous involvement, he was never going to be your guy. Kudos to you for walking away when you realized the two of you were incompatible.

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You think of him everyday not because he is so special or perfect for you, but only because you could not control the outcome of the situation. Its just human nature to want another kick at the can in the hopes you can have it play out the way you want this time, but of course it won't because if his intentions were to invest long term in a relationship with you that's what you would be doing now. You will always have a twang of longing, when your mind wants to visit the "what ifs", but keep you feet on the ground and your level head level, if you want to find the right long term guy you must do just as you did, or else years will slip by invested in the wrong place. So, accept your heart strings are getting pulled every day right now but that's only because the heart is foolish and loves to play the "what if" game with your head.

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He didn’t try to fix it. It’s been a month since we last spoke.

 

 

Is that why you ended it? Hoping he'd miss you so desperately, he would want to commit even though he wasn't ready to be quite that serious yet after only seven months? It kinda sounds like it tbh since you are second guessing your decision now.

 

Anyway, if you did, you wouldn't be the first woman to employ this strategy to get a guy to commit, it rarely works.

 

Why? Cause guys see that as manipulation.

 

May I ask what you mean by "commitment"? Exclusive? Marriage? Many men hear the latter when women say "commitment."

 

Or asking what his intentions are; franky I don't even know what that means, his "intentions." I would venture to guess neither did he! Hence his answer he's not sure yet.

 

If you mean he would not agree to be exclusive after seven months, then I'm with ya, you did the right thing.

 

My bf and I didnt become full exclusive for almost three months. We've been together a year, and still have not discussed "commitment"!

 

Yet we both know we are, by virtue of our strong connection, mutual trust and respect, time spent together, but seriously who the hell knows what's gonna happen tomorrow?

 

So we take it day by day, enjoy spending time and continue learning about each other and don't push.

 

That's our attitude and our relationship/connection gets stronger every day!

 

I dunno, from what you described seven months in, things seemed to be going very well! And it appeared you were exclusively dating, but again if I'm wrong and he would not even agree to that, then yeah you did the right thing!

 

Can you clarify?

 

Strawberry, if you are looking for some sort of guarantee, not gonna happen.

 

There are never any guarantees, but if you love each other and trust each other, your relationship has the potential of lasting a lifetime!

 

I know many others disagree with my (my bf's and my) approach to our relationship, but it just works so well for us this way.

 

I am also curious why you believe he was "playing" you. You were talking every day, spending lots of time together, met each other's friends, this does not sound like a guy playing you. Not imo.

 

So wondering where that came from.

 

Do you by chance have trust issues from your past that you projected on to this guy? Petrified of getting hurt so you prematurely ended it, hoping he would fight for you? Fix it? Essentially proving his love and commitment?

 

Not accusing. Just asking.

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I did not leave him hoping he would miss me and come back. I am usually very intentional in the things I do, and I left because I was not getting what I wanted. The reason for asking this question is because I started to wonder if I did not give him enough time to decide to be exclusive. I’m not sure how long it takes a guy to know.

 

Just 7 months in, by commitment, I mean dating exclusively.

 

By intentions I mean, everyone spends time with someone with an intention. It could be to hook up, to be in a relationship etc.

 

I prefer to not assume exclusivity and have the discussion and both agree on it. It just clears up any grey areas and in general makes life easier.

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7 months and no exclusivity? In my experience, it doesn't take a guy that long to figure out if he wants to date you more seriously.

 

No, you did not make a mistake. He wasn't that into you, as others have pointed out. It appears that you already know this as well, based on your other thread about him.

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I did not leave him hoping he would miss me and come back. I am usually very intentional in the things I do, and I left because I was not getting what I wanted. The reason for asking this question is because I started to wonder if I did not give him enough time to decide to be exclusive. I’m not sure how long it takes a guy to know.

 

Just 7 months in, by commitment, I mean dating exclusively.

 

By intentions I mean, everyone spends time with someone with an intention. It could be to hook up, to be in a relationship etc.

 

I prefer to not assume exclusivity and have the discussion and both agree on it. It just clears up any grey areas and in general makes life easier.

 

Well as I said in my previous post, if after seven months he couldn't agree to be exclusive, you defintely did the right thing.

 

Appreciate the clarification.

 

And I agree, best to never assume anything when it comes to relationships.

 

Still a bit confused by your "it's been a month and he hasn't fixed it" comment but it doesn't matter at this point.

 

Sorry things didn't work out.

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Why are you leaving all this to him and for him to decide and control? Next time do not continue dating if you are not exclusive after a given point, such as when you have sex or when you have stopped dating others. Have that conversation way before you waste this much time.

 

Never sit around and wait for someone to make up their mind about you. Either you're on the same page...or not. If you're not, you end it because you're incompatible. Learn clear and direct communication.

 

That means you state that you want to be exclusive (whenever that is the right point for you, such as having sex, staying over, whatever) then if it's not mutual, you walk away. Do not hang around setting precedence with your passive behavior and investing this much in a nebulous setting. Also ask in a clear and precise fashion, such as "only dating /sleeping with each other" and skip antiquated vague terms/questions such as "what are your intentions?".

Just 7 months in, by commitment, I mean dating exclusively. I prefer to not assume exclusivity and have the discussion and both agree on it. It just clears up any grey areas and in general makes life easier.

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There are never any guarantees, but if you love each other and trust each other, your relationship has the potential of lasting a lifetime!

 

I know many others disagree with my (my bf's and my) approach to our relationship, but it just works so well for us this way.

 

________________________________

 

I don't disagree at all. This is exactly how it worked for husband and I. Here in Europe, exclusivity is assumed from the start. We didn't actually ever, at any stage, discuss anything. We just totally went with the flow, both him and I. We moved in together at about 2.5 years. The rest is history. The issue is though, at 7 months..he showed me with every action he took in relation to me that I was 'it' for him. I never had to doubt him.

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