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Thread: I have an amazing boyfriend but something still doesn't feel right. Normal?

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    I have an amazing boyfriend but something still doesn't feel right. Normal?

    Long story short, been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him a lot and we have a strong relationship. We openly communicate our thoughts and feelings, and he has done a lot to adjust to better act with me. But, lately, for almost two months, while i love being with him and spending time with him, and i care about him, part of me feels like something is not enough... he is in his mid twenties and has nothing going on yet with his career, while i am in my early 20s and already have a stable and growing career. He is trying to figure out a career but its taking time. I feel somewhat unfulfilled by the relationship, and while i feel happy that he wants to make a change in his life so that he can be stable and have a future with me, i still feel sad. He is everything I want and yet... something is off.

    We have had a lot of open conversations about how I feel, he knows where i am at and we are trying to work on the relationship, but i am scared that no matter what, this weird feeling won't go away and I hate it, because I feel like i should be lucky to be loved so much by him. He is the first person who every treated me right in a relationship, and loved me so much and i don't want to lose such an amazing human being (and being friends wont be an option because i love him).

    I know its a very open ended question, but have you ever been in a relationship that was 90% what you needed, but something in your gut felt like it wasn't enough? and what did you do?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    If he had a good job/career going do think you would still feel that something was missing?

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    its a great question that i keep asking myself... and i dont know. I am not sure if i cant imagine whether he will even able to get this career going and growing, or if that won't be enough for me either. and, i hate myself for feeling this way.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Females mature faster than males, the male brain doesnt stop maturing until age 25 so maybe that's part of this man's problem, if indeed it is a problem. You just may be on a faster path than he is due to your maturity level.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by moonandsun
    its a great question that i keep asking myself... and i dont know. I am not sure if i cant imagine whether he will even able to get this career going and growing, or if that won't be enough for me either. and, i hate myself for feeling this way.
    Is there another guy that has you intrigued?

    If you've talked to your boyfriend about this then he's aware of your feelings so it wn't be a surprise to him if you should break up with him. Maybe that's what he needs to get his independent life started.

    What is it that he wants to do that he can't seem to get going? Is it something doable or is he just a dreamer?

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    Originally Posted by moonandsun
    Long story short, been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him a lot and we have a strong relationship. We openly communicate our thoughts and feelings, and he has done a lot to adjust to better act with me. But, lately, for almost two months, while i love being with him and spending time with him, and i care about him, part of me feels like something is not enough...
    What are you referring to here, exactly?

    How did he act before?

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Is there another guy that has you intrigued?


    If you've talked to your boyfriend about this then he's aware of your feelings so it wn't be a surprise to him if you should break up with him. Maybe that's what he needs to get his independent life started.

    What is it that he wants to do that he can't seem to get going? Is it something doable or is he just a dreamer?
    So I haven't really felt intrigued by other men then the regular (oh he is cute).. i do imagine someone like him with his life more figured out..

    I don't want to go into detail about his dreams, it's not something unattainable but he doesn't have a degree in anything so a lot of careers are limited for him... He has applied to a bunch of jobs that don't require a degree but can be promising degrees and hasn't yet heard back which concerns me.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Already asked

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What are you referring to here, exactly?

    How did he act before?
    He wasn't the best at communication, would get angry or upset and speak to me roughly instead of explaining how he feels. He wasn't good at being open about what's going on in his life or being in touch with me. But now he learned that it's good for our relationship and it has only strengthened us.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by moonandsun
    He wasn't the best at communication, would get angry or upset and speak to me roughly instead of explaining how he feels. He wasn't good at being open about what's going on in his life or being in touch with me. But now he learned that it's good for our relationship and it has only strengthened us.
    Thanks for answering

    It changes your original poster.

    It seems you two have had more issues on top of his lack of motivation.

    It’s not 90. Having someone treat you nice, ‘now’ because he didn’t always does not a 90% relationship make.

    You really have to start being honest with yourself not only about the reality of your incompadibility but you apparent struggle to let go.

    Dating is about compatibility the whole process is to find that out once it’s eatabliahed ok we’re insync where it matters you can keep going but if the relationships foundation is, “ I have a boyfriend “ well you’re foing to end up here struggling to find happiness because the relationship isn’t fulfilling.

    People break up over incompatibilities every day, I had to, it sucked because that core, I like you, you like me we have chemistry was there but if you can mesh well whats the long term outlook, you’re just prolonging your heartache.

    You have to decide for yourself is this enough. It’s an incredibly personal thing and honestly I wouldn’t advise someone to walk away until they knew in their hearts if their goal was compatibility or I like him he likes me we get along.

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