I need advice...what was this

Hi All,

So I met this girl a while back, and about 5 months ago we started to re connect although she lives in a different country. We ended up becoming very close and talking everyday, getting to know each other, and it was very natural. I told her that I found her to be so nice and I really liked here, but that I understand the distance and its too far...and she agreed as that is not what she wanted but that I am really perfect. After talking for so much she said that maybe it was better we talked less and I said no problem, but that ended up not changing as we still ended up messaging almost everyday still anyways. She invited me to come visit her so I went and had no expectations. She said she would visit me too after

The time together was great, we had lots of fun. We ended up kissing one night (alcohol induced) but she stopped it and said we cant. I told her what I think of her, and she opened up to me about some personal things. She said she just does not have the same feelings as I do. But that if i lived in the same city maybe things would be different. I said sure no problem I am ok with still being friends. When I left she said she needed some distance, and I said that is okay but I hope we can still be friends and nothings changed-she agreed.

Fast forward a couple days when im back home, and I could tell she was just not the same anymore and just didnt want to talk at all. So i asked her upfront whats bothering her. Long story short she told me: we can't be normal friends in the same way anymore because she feels uncomfortable talking to me because we kissed. She said she just can't forget that and doesn't kiss her friends. I said Okay i am OK with being friends if thats what she wants, and it was a mistake then. She continued saying she doesn't regret it but its just not the same anymore. SO we agreed not to talk for a while and let time sort things out. Really Im more sad losing someone close, than someone I liked in terms of a relationship-because that was never my priority.

SO what I don't get and maybe some of you can give clarity on: if im OK with being friends, and she has no feelings towards me anyways...then whats the problem with still talking? If she did have feelings than that would be different, but she said she doesn't which is cool with me too. But why did she kiss me in the first place and open up to me if she knew this would happen?

A little confused here

We agreed that we will talk in the future, but for right now to let time do its thing. Do you think I should wait for her to contact me? -and not contact her if/when that day comes?

Thanks

I wonder if she's met another guy and feels wrong for kissing you and still being in touch frequently.

The kiss probably happened because she does find you attractive and had been drinking, but the light of day has a way of bringing us back to reality.

I imagine she will contact you at some point to say hi, but reading between the lines, she doesn't have the same feelings you do anymore and she knows the geographical logistics make a relationship an unrealistic prospect. I wouldn't hold your breath.

1. she met another guy. don't believe that bull. she just didn't know how to let you down as his there and your not.

2. don't ever have long distance relationships been there and I've done it and distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder all it does is create confusion

3. don't ever agree to be friends with women EVER thats a huge mistake, its weak. from my experience if a women says " lets be friends. i tell them " sorry I'm not interested in friends you know how i feel if you change your mind let me know. if not have a nice life and i hope you find what your looking for" and leave it at that. always leave on your terms if you get the " lets be friends " bull dust

4. don't bother talking to her. EVER. don't waste anymore time on someone that rejects you. interest doesn't really ever go up once you're out.

Do you go out with your male friends, drink enough to be looped, and then give them a big smooch on the lips? Probably hasn't happened. And no forum posts will ever happen from you questioning why Hank and you kissed but he said he doesn't feel anything. In other words, she is not your friend. She is someone you are interested in no matter how much you want to dance around it or try to say the right words.

I can tell you the end of this story now - eventually she will date someone, maybe even try to hide it at first knowing you will be upset. But you eventually will find out and be very hurt that she selected someone else. And you probably will be a bit miffed that you wasted time with this. That will be the end of it.

As Magic wrote, back far off with the contact so you can regroup and focus on finding someone interested in you. Over time maybe a legitimate friendship can develop but at that point, in my opinion, you will have bailed because you will be dating someone else to focus on anyway.

1. she met another guy. don't believe that bull. she just didn't know how to let you down as his there and your not.

 

2. don't ever have long distance relationships been there and I've done it and distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder all it does is create confusion

 

3. don't ever agree to be friends with women EVER thats a huge mistake, its weak. from my experience if a women says " lets be friends. i tell them " sorry I'm not interested in friends you know how i feel if you change your mind let me know. if not have a nice life and i hope you find what your looking for" and leave it at that. always leave on your terms if you get the " lets be friends " bull dust

 

4. don't bother talking to her. EVER. don't waste anymore time on someone that rejects you. interest doesn't really ever go up once you're out.

Now... please forget her, don't get into the habit of feeling safe by meeting people over the internet that are too far away to nurture a relationship, instead get out there and meet people in real life and hone your social skills in real life.

Move on from this.

You have only known her for 5 months and the likelihood of seeing her again is slim.

Date local. It is much easier.

Everyone has a limited amount of time and emotional energy to pour into a select group of people. You're pouring yours into a dead end. Obviously, you'd love to have a gf so start doing activities where you will meet cute local girls--meetup.com activities, co-ed sports team, volunteer work at a local zoo or Habitat for Humanity, etc.

She's absolutely right for wanting no contact in this situation. Respect her wishes.