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I think he cheated again.


Z1995

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Again. Some of you may not even consider associating the two words of cheating and again in a relationship.

 

Me and my OH have been together 6 years and are engaged.

 

He had cheated on me in the past, and unfortunately, to hurt him, I then did too. He has had countless second chances due to my own stupidity. How did we get engaged? Well that’s another story for another day.

 

Tonight I came home after a whole day of worrying something was up. I had that weird gut feeling that you get when something just isn’t quite right. Regardless, I cooked us a nice dinner, was loving as usual etc etc. I then went and had a shower and forgot about it. I walked out the bathroom and noticed my stuff out in the hall had been “put away” I then went downstairs and found that the only photo we have on display of us together, had been “put away” in the draw. I then turned the telly off where OH was watching and asked him whether he had put it away, along with my other stuff upstairs. I said why would you hide a photo of us? He stuttered and said he never and he didn’t know what I was on about. I then saw that my other stuff I had down in our living room had been shoved in a screwed up ball, under the small table next to the sofa, so much so he should’ve just pushed it behind the sofa.

 

I am now sat in bed wondering what the f has happened after he denied doing anything.

 

By the way, he was home from like midday I guess. Refused my calls for a few hours earlier and I caught him in a lie earlier this evening also. Sent me a very pouty topless photo which he has since shared with someone who I don’t know, he’s deleted the messages the whole convo, on WhatsApp.

 

Can someone please confirm I’m not going crazy?

 

Thanks.

 

Just as well we don’t have kids.

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Well....how many times does he have to cheat on you for you to finally realize this is who he is, it has nothing to do with your or your relationship, it's just him and HE won't change?

 

You really have two options. Dump him and restore your self respect. Keep him and become really really good at turning a blind eye and pretending that you aren't with a cheater and that your relationship is just great. Choose your poison.

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You really have two options. Dump him and restore your self respect. Keep him and become really really good at turning a blind eye and pretending that you aren't with a cheater and that your relationship is just great. Choose your poison.

 

This ^^^ wake up and realize it's time to move on from this jerk.

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End it. When you go back to a cheater, you're basically telling them you'll accept what they did and look the other way. The cheater might calm down for a short while but the threat will never go away.

 

He has cheated again. Everything you wrote are all tell tale signs of him having someone over (most likely for sex) and wanting to hide your existence.

 

Dump him and don't look back. He won't stop.

 

Also, get yourself checked for STDs.

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Well, since you both are capable of cheating, why don't you just open up your relationship, put some rules and boundaries in place and get on with getting on?

 

If you're going to stay with him then make it work where you're not angst ridden and/or looking for an opportunity to get back at him.

 

For what its worth, I don't for the life of me know how him moving your chit around indicates he's cheating. ????? What was the lie you caught him in?

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why the hell are you two still together,

 

his probably had someone in your bed, and told the girl he lives alone. i know someone that did this to his girlfriend and believe me we're no longer friends because i don't like that type of person in my life.

 

why are you holding on?

 

i get it if its once, because you think its a mistake and don't want to throw away everything you built.

 

but if its happened more than once throw this dudes out on the street and tell him to get out of your house and life for life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I don’t know why we are still together honestly. We’ve had more fresh starts than anyone has had hot dinners to be quite frank with all of you.

It’s all well and good sitting down and saying to someone who is with someone like this, to leave. However it’s strangely hard.

 

We continued to get into such a bad fight last night, I ended up smashing the photo frame against the wall anyway. I packed his things and told him to leave and he refused to because he “didn’t have anyone round”and “never didn’t anything with anyone”. And has held that bs story all last night and all of today so far. To anyone who asked how does him moving my stuff around = him cheating, well, it isn’t just moving my stuff around. As someone said earlier, he has clearly tried to wipe my existence from the house. In the few hours he rejected my calls or didn’t pick up, he told me he had apparently gone to the “shop” yet never bought anything home! It’s laughable. Then I came home to it looking like I’d never even lived there.

 

Why do men who cheat think they’re such good liars?

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Because there are always women who want to hold onto them badly enough to accept their lies.

 

True.

 

You need to realize that he feels like he can treat you however he pleases because he expects you to keep taking it. He assumes that whatever lies he tells you, that you'll either look the other way or forgive him.

 

It really is up to you whether you're going to keep taking this kind of treatment or want better (which would mean you leaving him for good).

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He knows you're ok with it and have a few fights, tantrums, throw a few things, etc... but there you are still playing house.

Tonight I came home after a whole day of worrying something was up. I cooked us a nice dinner, was loving as usual etc etc.

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I don’t know why we are still together honestly. We’ve had more fresh starts than anyone has had hot dinners to be quite frank with all of you.

It’s all well and good sitting down and saying to someone who is with someone like this, to leave. However it’s strangely hard.

 

We continued to get into such a bad fight last night, I ended up smashing the photo frame against the wall anyway. I packed his things and told him to leave and he refused to because he “didn’t have anyone round”and “never didn’t anything with anyone”. And has held that bs story all last night and all of today so far. To anyone who asked how does him moving my stuff around = him cheating, well, it isn’t just moving my stuff around. As someone said earlier, he has clearly tried to wipe my existence from the house. In the few hours he rejected my calls or didn’t pick up, he told me he had apparently gone to the “shop” yet never bought anything home! It’s laughable. Then I came home to it looking like I’d never even lived there.

 

Why do men who cheat think they’re such good liars?

 

Stop arguing over he did or didn't cheat. You already know that he did. You also must realize that no cheater will ever admit it unless caught with their pants down and their .... out, but even then, they'll try to come up with some creative lie, like he got bit by a snake and she was just sucking the poison out. How dare you accuse him of cheating, it was all about saving his life.

 

Get real about getting rid of this loser. Put it in writing that he has 30 days to get out. Tell him straightforward that it's over between you regardless of what bs he wants to claim. Stick to your point that you are done with him and don't engage in debates as to why. You both know why, but if you argue with him, you'll drive yourself insane. Meanwhile, sever everything you have joining you - any accounts, personal items, etc. He has nowhere to go is not your problem. There is always a motel or hotel.

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He had cheated on me in the past, and unfortunately, to hurt him, I then did too. He has had countless second chances due to my own stupidity.

 

Not to minimize your pain, but it appears it took a toll on your own credibility when you chose to play the revenge card. Having said that, I'd look at it as it's a losing battle, and it's time to move on and take the lesson with you.

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"Why do men who cheat think they’re such good liars?"

 

Because there are always women who want to hold onto them badly enough to accept their lies.

 

Even if all people who were cheated on did not accept the cheater back, there would still be cheating. Prostitution for instance is known as the "Oldest Profession" and some people are simply incapable of monogamy. (those peeps should stay single or get with someone else who isn't monogamous by nature)

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I don’t know why we are still together honestly. We’ve had more fresh starts than anyone has had hot dinners to be quite frank with all of you.

It’s all well and good sitting down and saying to someone who is with someone like this, to leave. However it’s strangely hard.

No one said it would be easy. How hard is it on you when you find out he's cheated or that you put yourself out there to be pursued and you cheat to get even? Do you feel guilt, do you lie to the men you pursue to hook up with? How hard do you feel when you fight over the toxicity that is your union?

 

We continued to get into such a bad fight last night, I ended up smashing the photo frame against the wall anyway. I packed his things and told him to leave and he refused to because he “didn’t have anyone round”and “never didn’t anything with anyone”. And has held that bs story all last night and all of today so far.
How do you know it's BS? Like I said earlier... your "proof" is hardly conclusive.

 

To anyone who asked how does him moving my stuff around = him cheating, well, it isn’t just moving my stuff around. As someone said earlier, he has clearly tried to wipe my existence from the house. In the few hours he rejected my calls or didn’t pick up, he told me he had apparently gone to the “shop” yet never bought anything home!
Moving your stuff from the hall and putting a photo of the two of you away? That's the extent of your existence in the home?

Then I came home to it looking like I’d never even lived there.
What nothing in the bathroom of your's? No shoes or coats for females in the hall closet? No feminine or less than masculine decor in the home whatsoever?

 

Why do men who cheat think they’re such good liars?
Why are you not getting the help you need to get the strength to leave someone you clearly do not trust and with whom you should have gotten couples therapy with a long time ago but didn't? You will never be in a copacetic and calm and loving union with someone you clearly do not trust. So learn to live with it, get the help you both need to survive together or get out and stop enabling him to do the very thing you fear. When you stay with a cheater who is not remorseful or won't go to couples therapy with you then you are enabling his behaviour.

 

Those that are not made to sit at the banquet of the consequences of their actions are doomed to repeat. That goes for you too, Op.

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Why do men who cheat think they’re such good liars?

 

Meh, they usually don't think that. Habitual cheaters don't, anyway.

 

They don't care about the lie being good, really, because they know that women like you will tolerate it anyway. Sure, they'd rather avoid the drama of getting caught but they know that won't really change much anyway.

 

In the end, the only women they're actually trying to deceive well are the ones they seduce, so that they can keep going back for more. Whether or not their long-suffering partners also buy into the lies is of secondary importance to them.

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