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Thread: What is going on with my boyfriend????

  1. #1

    What is going on with my boyfriend????

    My boyfriend of a year and half keeps picking fights with me over little things. He's quick to anger and seems to have no patience with me. Here are some examples:
    1. We went to the club and he got mad at me when we were walking in because I let go of his hand. As we talked more about it he told me I was acting 'weird' and was no fun to go out with because my 'vibes' are always 'off' and I ruin his nights out when he takes me. So from now on he's going out alone.
    2. We went on a road trip. He got mad at me when I was on my phone trying to find some music for us to listen to. He told me it was 'disrespectful' to him to be focused on my phone while we are trying to spend 'quality' time together. All I was doing was trying to find some music for us both to enjoy. He was so angry he turned the car around to go home.
    3. He was getting ready to go out with his friends (without me of course) and right before he left he started a fight and accused me of acting 'weird' about him going out alone because he believes I don't trust him. He said he can't be with someone who's so 'negative' and 'untrusting'
    4. Just last night we were sitting on the couch doing our own things and my sister called. When I got off the phone with her he was very quiet and something was off. When I asked him about it he told me he believes I was actually talking to someone else and lying about it being my sister. I offered to show him my phone and he stormed out of the house. He refuses to talk further about it and is ignoring me completely.

    I just don't know whats going on. I've never done anything to make him think I would cheat. I've never cheated on him. I don't even have any guy friends. Before he stormed out of the house last night he was so angry he told me I was 'fuc**** stupid!' 4 times in a row. It all seemed to come out of no where and I'm so confused. Could he be doing all of this because he wants me to be the one that ends our relationship?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship. You need to research "red flags for abusers" and google "emotionally/mentally abusive relationships". Google that right now. Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, counselor or therapist about it.

    You need to end it. Then block and delete him. The longer you stay the more damage there will be. Stop trying to talk to or reason with him. You won't fix or change him. He disrespects you. He doesn't care about you. It's all about an ego trip. Putting you down is fun for him.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    What you described is emotional and mental abuse. The honeymoon period is over and he is showing his true self. He is an abusive person. The reason doesn't matter. What matters is his hurtful actions. It sounds like he is projecting his insecurities. At this rate you are going to end up walking on eggshells. Imo, his behaviour is a deal- breaker regardless of the reasons. Abusive behaviour has no justification and should not be tolerated no matter what. My advice is to realize that you deserve better and to break up with him. If he is so messed up that he is abusing you to make you break up then good riddance.

  4. #4
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    He is trying to get you to do whatever he demands so he can have complete and total control over you.

    He will insist you give up your friends. Then your family. Then possibly your job. And because you "love him " you will do what he demands. He knows this.

    Your world will become tiny, but HE will be allowed to go out, have friends and see whoever he wants, BECAUSE knows he is trustworthy but he's not sure you are. Because you "love him" you will do whatever he wants to "prove" he can trust you.

    Sound like fun? If not, get out now.

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  6. #5
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    You are in an abusive relationship. Why are you with someone who treats you like this?

    Have you told your family or friends about his behavior?

    End this NOW!

  7. #6
    I've seen people who are in abusive relationships whether they are physically abusive or mentally abusive and I could never understand why they stayed another minute. I understand now. Even now I'm wondering is he really mentally abusive or am I doing something that makes him this way. And I hold on to the hope that it will change. We still have good times together but it is getting to the point I feel like anything could set him off again. We share a house so this will be challenging.

  8. #7
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    This is who he is. You NEVER stay in hopes that someone will change, Never!

    Will you make excuses when he starts hitting you? Have you told your family? You know what you're dealing with, and will have no one else to blame if you choose to stick around. If he broke up with you, you would still have to move out. You choose if you want to be with an abuser, or not.

  9. #8
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    The first time someone called me "stupid" it would be over. I have to respect and love myself. Shouldn't you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    To answer your question, yes he very likely is doing this so you break up with him. It's an incredibly twisted "logic" that he'll sadistically torment you until you end things so that he doesn't have to be the bad guy who ends things. It's pretty sick, but sadly, lots of twisted cowards engage in this kind of behavior.

    The other thought is that he is the one who is cheating. The pattern of picking a fight so he'll start going out without you, combined with attacking you with accusations....so so so typical of cheaters. They'll accuse you of what they are actually doing in order to keep you in the dark and constantly off balance and on the defensive. It's actually an effective approach in that you are so busy defending yourself and walking on eggshells, you have no time or breathing room to take a better look at what he is doing.

    Either way, the solution is to kick him to the curb yesterday. Regardless of underlying reasons, he is an abusive pos and whatever good times you might still have with him, don't make up for the abuse you are suffering. I wouldn't even bother with trying to find out anything or in any way try to make things work. Dump him with extreme prejudice, wash your hands clean of him and move on. I can pretty much guarantee you that once you are rid of him, you'll feel like a dark cloud just lifted off your head.

  11. #10
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    My guess is he's been able to conceal this side of himself until now, and he just isn't bothering to filter himself anymore. He could also be projecting, and perhaps he is the one behaving baldy when your head is turned.

    My money would be on a combination of both.

    Either way, I would be done. He's being verbally and emotionally abusive, and it's unacceptable. Plain and simple.

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