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Thread: Should I be concerned

  1. #51
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    He has an awful lot of phone issues, no?
    Originally Posted by irka000
    It has been since December last year....so more than two months. He said his phone died at around 5.30pm and I called his work phone too.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member
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    Jul 2016
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He has an awful lot of phone issues, no?
    Lol, at the very least, and no matter what happens with irka, yeah the guy definetly needs a new phone.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Apr 2017
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He has an awful lot of phone issues, no?
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Lol, at the very least, and no matter what happens with irka, yeah the guy definetly needs a new phone.
    Yes he has phone issues, as does she...


    Originally Posted by irka000
    Dear All...

    I met a guy on line, we chatted for a bit, then moved to telephone conversation and finally we met for a coffee (on Monday).
    It was a good meeting. The next day he asked if we can meet again. I agreed. On Wednesday he asked for my weekends plans and asked if we can meet on Friday.
    We did that- it was a great fun - we went bowling & for a drink. He arranged and paid for the game. I paid for the drinks.
    He texted if I got home safe and the next day that he enjoyed my company. I responded in a similar way. On Sunday he texted again to ask how was my day. Just a quick exchange.
    I have not heard from him the whole week and frankly speaking was sad about it. I do however know that men often quietly exit sometimes....
    Then he texted me yesterday and ask if we can meet again sometime. I said I would like that................

    Hmmm after a week of silence ? He is clearly not crazy about me...my friend said he juggles other dates.
    When is acceptable for a guy to GET IN TOUCH again? I don't want to come across as someone desperate who accept appear and disappear acts ?
    Originally Posted by irka000
    On the 2nd date he said " its not that late so maybe we can get a coffee at my place" (it was 21.00) I said - first of all I don't drink coffee that late....but most importantly I wish you didn't ask me that....aww I don't visits men so early on. Also I don't appreciate when they invited themselves to my place. We can get a drink at the bar instead"
    I know that some men will try , will test the waters....so I didn't sulk.
    The next day he apologised for the offer and told me he is not just after one thing.....well, we shall see.
    Maybe he gets the one thing elsewhere since he waited a week to contact me.

    So I will meet him again but wont be as excited as before ....I know he must date a few people....grrr
    Same situation complained and complained but continued

    Originally Posted by irka000
    So he got in touch yesterday again asking me when am free this week
    I said Wednesday or Thursday works for me ...and we decided to meet on Thursday ....I must say that now regret a bit I didn't mention weekend days as I am concerned that I will be a woman he dates on week days and will leave a space for another people on weekends............hmmmm not very wise of me. Anyway - this date will be quite telling whether there is a connection there or not.
    During the date full of activities it was hard to tell as although we had fun (or should I say-I had fun) there was not much of an interaction between us.
    Is funny how he disappeared for a week and now he wants to meet me again...
    Originally Posted by irka000
    Frankly speaking- there are so many women who make it soooo easy for men, that I am not surprised men come up with such a stupid ideas....men are being very spoiled. How many times I heard that women invite men for dinner -to their house-on the 1st date ? How many times some of my friends chased the men ? I am shocked at times.....shaking my head....
    I don't even question my behaviour here as I would like to think I behaved with a dignity to the very end.

    No ownership then and no ownership now. Well Im sorry Im wrong she does initially take ownership....


    Originally Posted by irka000
    Dear All, I have not been here for ages...I am 39 year old woman and dated my current partner from May till August. We parted way due to circumstances on both sides. We reconnected 1,5 months ago. We never had any issues...things were lovely this time around as well.
    When we reconnected, he told me he is thinking to go away for a fesitve season as he doesn't like Christmas and need some "me" time after the tough year. I was happy for him. During last few weeks we got closer and were in daily contact.
    Before his trip we exchanged gifts and said goodbyes. He texted me to say he landed safely. He said he bought a local SIM card. He went to Thailand. Alone. ( He is 49 by the way).
    I haven't heard from him for last 3 days. Just before his trip I was a bit needy ( insisted to go with him to airport , was clingy and gave him thoughtful personalised gift ) I am not sure if I didn't put him off a bit and he waited to naturally put a distance between us

    I am preparing for the worse ...I try to keep myself busy but do you think is normal to not hear from a man while on holiday ? Wouldn't he like to share what he sees / experiencing ?
    Please help as am worried he had a change of heart about me....
    But then she gets egged on a little and the chains come off

    Signs were here that he probably did try to express to her that he needs space, it seems when he tells her shes still anxious, as this trip, he told her he needed 'me time' she still expected contact, so it seems no matter what he does if he isnt constantly soothing her, theres an issue, Im not basing that on her impression of him or his phone issues ( which who knows maybe he lying about to get space) but her description of these situations.

    Again Im not saying this guys innocent, not nearly enough evidence to say anything one way or the other but there is evidence this poster seems place a lot of value on phone interactions even if the in person chemistry is there. I think theres evidence she has anxiety and trust issues she should work through rather than blaming the men and then getting more and more distrustful and jaded as time goes on. If a man or woman is acting in a way you dont trust you walk away you dont distrust first, get anxious and analyze a mans every move and then angrily walk away.

    But yes tons of phone issues....

  4. #54
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
    I think OP is scared and her anxiety is at max capacity, so she's trying to get him to end this in a self fulfilling prophesy.
    I think as soon as a little bit of effort on her part is required to keep things going, she crashes and bails. She seems to have this idea he should be doing all the legwork.
    Even in 'ending things', she's passive aggressive.
    I think she wanted to avoid the convo in person about his trips and moving, and where he sees her in all that, so she founded an excuse to bail on doing that. It's 'his fault' now, he didn't answer the phone ASAP on Friday.

    That's just my take. I think it's fine and her choice if this particular man isn't doing it for her, but if she doesn't look at her own communication skills, she'll kill any thing that is at that point where effort is required on both ends .

    I found usually around the 3-6 month mark, there's a shift where people either decide to go in and try to make something of it or it can plateau out. She mentioned she hadn't dated someone she liked in a long while. Maybe it's her learning curve - getting through the anxiety and giving someone a chance to be closer to her.


  6. #55
    Platinum Member
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    Jul 2016
    @itsallgrand, I agree it's about fear and she reacts.

    Her ending it was based on emotion and fear, not on any sort of rational decision making based on him simply not being a good fit, the right fit

    @fio, I adore you! And I mean that sincerely.

    You can be a bit brash sometimes, as can I, but you have such a great heart.

    A woman on a mission!! XD

    Bless your heart for digging up all that, it tells an interesting story about irka's thought process re dating and relationships, that's for sure.

    Ya know, sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other.

    No disrespect to irka, but her rigid attitudes and over the top expectations may just bring out the worst in men. Possibly.

    AND her fear, trust issues.

    May have brought out the worst, or just some questionable behaviour, in this guy!

    It's impossible to know for sure since we are not hearing his side.

    But thanks for researching back and posting it.

    It certainly sheds a new and different light on things.

  7. #56
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
    Originally Posted by irka000
    Thank you Wiseman 2....much appreciated ... I think he may have been torn between me and someone else ...his recent behaviour was different and almost indifferent unless was pointed out. Then he behaved as before ....
    We meant to meet today. Nevermind. I am certainly done. Cant wonder each weekend apart if his phone will be off ....he is almost 50....and I am too old for this.
    I agree, though I doubt for the for the same reasons.

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