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Thread: Emotionally empty and feel used an hour after anal sex

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Agree with others. Your reaction came from past wounds that have not healed. Your sex life will suffer if you don't get the help you need in order to heal from the past trauma.

    I hope you can explore these feelings further with your therapist in order to move past them. But expect that it will take some time.
    In the meantime, keep sex low key with your boyfriend. Focus on sharing love with one another and not about it being kinky or new positions, etc.

    Now is not the time for things like that if you've got unhealed trauma.
    Thank you, I'm realizing that now.
    I'm definitely going to keep going to therapy. And focus on the relationship-side of things, more than the sexual-side.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I understand it can come out. However , I would continue with therapy . I know years of therapy helped me.
    I'm going back ASAP. BF offered to help pay for it, he's actually the one who suggested it. He's a gem and I want this relationship to work out, so I'll do what it takes to make myself a whole and stable person again.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WorkingGSD
    I'm going back ASAP. BF offered to help pay for it, he's actually the one who suggested it. He's a gem and I want this relationship to work out, so I'll do what it takes to make myself a whole and stable person again.
    It will be well worth it. My husband is a gem as well and I am glad he understands as well.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Nevermind.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WorkingGSD
    I'm going back ASAP. BF offered to help pay for it,.
    I agree going to therapy is the right thing to do. But (speaking for myself only), I could never accept my boyfriend of only 4 months paying for it. Nice of him to offer, but I could never accept this, especially if I've been in therapy before for whatever issues. But I'm a little weird that way.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I agree going to therapy is the right thing to do. But (speaking for myself only), I could never accept my boyfriend of only 4 months paying for it. Nice of him to offer, but I could never accept this, especially if I've been in therapy before for whatever issues. But I'm a little weird that way.
    Yeah, but he's that kind of a guy. Pay for things like food and car repairs when he can. Not in a lavish way, just more of a I-want-to-take-care-of-you way. I'll figure it out one way or another.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    You are making him pay for the sins of your ex.

    How could you not? After an emotionally traumatic event you jumped almost immediately into another relationship.

    You never healed or even sat with what happened to you.

    Now your poor boyfriend is being told by a woman heís dating and cares about that he raped her

    Can you imagine how that would make someone feel?

    Iím certain you didnít mean to harm him, thatís where you are psychologically, this is the aftermath, both if you should have decided, you werenít dating material but neither did this is the aftermath.

    My best advice apologize and get into some sort of therapy or survivors program and get the help you desperately need. Youíve been through a lot take the time to do some self care.
    I agree...

  9. #18
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    As someone who has been sexually assisted, I understand how soemghjng like this could have triggered a last traumatic experience. You didnít mean to take it out on your now boyfriend and didnít even realize how you felt about it until you were cleaning up and trying to relax for the evening.
    Maybe washing up made you remember what being taken advantage of and being abused felt like?
    My past had added some issues with me when I was intimate with my boyfriend. And it is best to address them to a therapist. Your boyfriend can only be there in support for how you feel. Maybe he can even go to therapy with you so you both know how to address any unknown issues that could pop up later on.

    I hope things get better

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by rflor
    As someone who has been sexually assisted, I understand how soemghjng like this could have triggered a last traumatic experience. You didnít mean to take it out on your now boyfriend and didnít even realize how you felt about it until you were cleaning up and trying to relax for the evening.
    Maybe washing up made you remember what being taken advantage of and being abused felt like?
    My past had added some issues with me when I was intimate with my boyfriend. And it is best to address them to a therapist. Your boyfriend can only be there in support for how you feel. Maybe he can even go to therapy with you so you both know how to address any unknown issues that could pop up later on.

    I hope things get better
    rflor, you are definitely right as far as I see it. I think part of what made it so hard was that I didn't want to be taken advantage of again, and especially not from someone I am very close to. That hurts more when it's someone you care about deeply.
    Anyhow, I think more communication and continued counseling will help.
    Thank you everyone for your feedback and advice.

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