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Thread: Wondering why you were ghosted?

  1. #11
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    Wow, just wow. This is why I had never hesitated to look people up online (i.e. - on social media, etc.) prior to meeting them.

    My searches might not have told me everything, but they have saved me from the possibility of meeting people who were in relationships, married, and one guy who had an ongoing assault case following a criminal trial (a civil case), which was clearly enough for me to no longer engage with them.

    Thereís no such thing as being too careful out there.

    Itís such a shame to see people treating each other this way.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Sherry, I read a similar story about a man in a committed relationship who did the same thing.

    Except he would continue dating them! For an ego boost, boredom whatever.

    He dated them until they started pushing for more, he told them he could not/did not want to give more, and they dumped him.

    Here's the kicker. He discussed one woman he fell hard for; he did not expect to, he expected to use her like the others, for ego boost.

    But he developed real feelings for her, fell in love with her!

    But he could not leave his long term committed relationship/girlfriend, so he up and ghosted her!!

    Said he hated doing it but couldn't face her. Decided it was best to simply ghost.

    He stopped using women after that.
    This board is honestly why I deleted my apps.

    Online dating has become a breeding ground for dysfunction. Iím sure theyre many normal folks out there but theyíre few and far between because so many are using it as a means to an end. After seeing the sheer amount of heartbroken people using it as a coping mechanism and encouraged to do so! I just canít do it anymore. Iím back to letting my friends and family introduce me to people and I dress nicer when going out, you never know who you can meet at the grocery store. Itís back to the old fashion way for me. I figure someone like the Woman in this article or someone heartbroken and rebounding arenít going to make the effort, I mean it takes none online and look at the reward, I actually havenít had that bad of luck but I donít know maybe Iím paranoid now... maybe Iíll change my mind in a while but for now Iím on hiatus

    To be honest you can always kinda tell, at least I could, one guy had his profile up and many pictures very nice looking man we talked for a couple of days didnít exchange numbers I get a message from him and heís deleted all his pictures when I ask him why he say Ďoh I donít need pictures up anymore I found what Iím looking forí I never responded after that, like come on, come up with a better excuse than the sweet talk 😂

  3. #13
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    FIO do you think itís changed over the years ? When I met men this way I met a lot of good people , knew lots of good people in real life using dating sites and when I stopped I still did for years. I donít know much first hand anymore other than my friendís daughter met someone fairly serious through a tinder kind of app but at first just for fun. Then she relocated to be with him and they broke up soon after. Not saying it had anything to do with how they met although meeting someone for sex and then trying to become serious is challenging.
    It was kind of Wild West when I started because first there were just written personal ads and online was really just yahoo chat rooms which I didnít do but others did.
    Anyway just curious. Katís story is awful. Honestly sometimes I feel duped and s bit used by Facebook people in my Facebook groups who claim they desperately want friends in the area etc and message back and forth and seem to want to make plans to meet. Until itís actually time to follow through and then itís always something. And no itís not our interactions at all itís simply flakiness and realizing that following through requires effort theyíre not willing to make (but I am). I resent the time spent making the plan and attempting to follow up and resent being mislead with ďI really want to meet people to hang out withĒ.
    No Iím not used for money or free meals but itís msieleading and a waste of my time. Is that because itís easier to chat via social media and the ďconsequencesĒ of flaking are minimal to none vs flaking on someone you know in real life?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Just another story of a selfish cheater.

    Nothing new really and I am sure as soon as she meets the perfect guy she will do more than just meet once.

    Remember the first lie a cheater tells is to themselves...

    Lost

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  6. #15
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    The article is about revenge cheating.

    It's the boyfreinds' fault in this case, he cheated on her first, so she wants to get back at him by cheating herself - going on dates.. Some people may argue that's not the best way to handle it, but people do revenge cheats in poor relationships so often it could be considered normal and human nature.

    People do revenge cheats because they feel resentment toward their partner. She may get over it and stop cheating, or maybe not. Flip a coin.


    At the end of the story she vows to tell him about the cheating before they get married - that's really dumb. Why sabotage things? Take it to your grave. Honesty and openness are two different things.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    There's something definitely pathological about what this woman is doing, .

    Regardless of that, I don't condone ghosting, but I don't consider "ghosting in the negative sense of the word" if I have one or two dates with someone and me or the person feels that it's not it and stops talking to me. At a few dates I don't think no one owes anyone anything. However, if conversation didn't naturally fade away between both and the person kept talking to me and asking me out and I wasn't interest, I'd say kindly in a text message that I don't see this evolving and wish them well. But I always dated to find someone to possibly have a relationship and not for ego boosts like this woman.

    Now, ghosting after a relationship is established or many dates have gone by and the "ghoster" knows the other is pretty much all in the relationship, is very coward in my opinion!

    Through my online dating experiences I've encountered men I suspect weren't totally single (but I didn't have solid proof of this though) or many men who were on these online apps to rebound/try to forget their exes from which they hadn't recovered from the break up at all. These were the men that would have more chances to end up ghosting me.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    There's something definitely pathological about what this woman is doing, .

    Regardless of that, I don't condone ghosting, but I don't consider "ghosting in the negative sense of the word" if I have one or two dates with someone and me or the person feels that it's not it and stops talking to me. At a few dates I don't think no one owes anyone anything. However, if conversation didn't naturally fade away between both and the person kept talking to me and asking me out and I wasn't interest, I'd say kindly in a text message that I don't see this evolving and wish them well. But I always dated to find someone to possibly have a relationship and not for ego boosts like this woman.

    Now, ghosting after a relationship is established or many dates have gone by and the "ghoster" knows the other is pretty much all in the relationship, is very coward in my opinion!

    Through my online dating experiences I've encountered men I suspect weren't totally single (but I didn't have solid proof of this though) or many men who were on these online apps to rebound/try to forget their exes from which they hadn't recovered from the break up at all. These were the men that would have more chances to end up ghosting me.
    My friend did a lot of match.com dating back in the day and she told me of a guy who contacted her full of compliments and then explained to her he'd like to keep her number for the future since he had not yet broken up with his girlfriend. No thanks, she said, of course. What nerve though!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    The article is about revenge cheating.

    It's the boyfreinds' fault in this case, he cheated on her first, so she wants to get back at him by cheating herself - going on dates.. Some people may argue that's not the best way to handle it, but people do revenge cheats in poor relationships so often it could be considered normal and human nature.

    People do revenge cheats because they feel resentment toward their partner. She may get over it and stop cheating, or maybe not. Flip a coin.


    At the end of the story she vows to tell him about the cheating before they get married - that's really dumb. Why sabotage things? Take it to your grave. Honesty and openness are two different things.
    It's not her boyfriend's fault that she's patologicaly leading men on to revenge cheat. Had she addressed the cheating with her boyfriend and made the decision of either breaking up with him or work on making the relationship survive after cheating, this wouldn't be happening. It doesn't make her cheating more valid or less deceiving if it's made as revenge. Her boyfriend might think she has forgiven him and might be all in this relationship, while she's now the cheater. It doesn't make this right. It's HER choice the way she's dealing with her pain and resentment, not the boyfriend, regardless if he cheated on her in the past or not.

    Also, I don't think she intends to marry him and seems to fear it, because as you say, she wants to sabotage the marriage by telling him about her cheating before they get married probably so that he calls off the wedding and she doesn't have to do so herself. And also to have an "ah ah revenge, gotcha!" moment on him. This is totally messed up! Also not saying anything and move on to marry him while she still resents him and has been using men to boost her ego and revenge cheat, is not the best option either.

    I once met a man who would cheat on all his girlfriends because his excuse was that he was hurt by a woman many years ago and so now this was his way of being in a relationship, and if these women cheated on him, as some ended up doing, at least he could say he had cheated on them first and despite never telling them he did, he felt good when they cheated on him and he had done it first. This guy and the woman on this article are messed up and emotionally stunted by their inability to deal with their pain and resentments and selfishness to look beyond their needs and the hurt they're feeling.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    FIO do you think itís changed over the years ? When I met men this way I met a lot of good people , knew lots of good people in real life using dating sites and when I stopped I still did for years. I donít know much first hand anymore other than my friendís daughter met someone fairly serious through a tinder kind of app but at first just for fun. Then she relocated to be with him and they broke up soon after. Not saying it had anything to do with how they met although meeting someone for sex and then trying to become serious is challenging.
    It was kind of Wild West when I started because first there were just written personal ads and online was really just yahoo chat rooms which I didnít do but others did.
    Anyway just curious. Katís story is awful. Honestly sometimes I feel duped and s bit used by Facebook people in my Facebook groups who claim they desperately want friends in the area etc and message back and forth and seem to want to make plans to meet. Until itís actually time to follow through and then itís always something. And no itís not our interactions at all itís simply flakiness and realizing that following through requires effort theyíre not willing to make (but I am). I resent the time spent making the plan and attempting to follow up and resent being mislead with ďI really want to meet people to hang out withĒ.
    No Iím not used for money or free meals but itís msieleading and a waste of my time. Is that because itís easier to chat via social media and the ďconsequencesĒ of flaking are minimal to none vs flaking on someone you know in real life?
    I know people who married their tinder dates. Actually one of my best friends married a man she met on tinder and who was the first online dating experience she ever had. It's rare but it happens. But there's also lots of messed up people like that.

    I don't think that everyone that disappears after a couple dates is a bad person, using people for ego boost or in a committed relationship but cheating through online dating, though of course it happens, like the woman in this article and many others. I think sometimes people simply lose interest, there wasn't all that chemistry on their side (despite the ghosted person often feeling the date was great and full of chemistry), or they got other things to do or they find someone else they're more interested in, as most people multidate through online dating and have access to lots of people. Sometimes the dates go well but then and due to so much "offer" online, people get the "grass is greener" syndrome and keep dating and dating hoping to find someone better.

    As to your online friendships, I don't have much experience with that, but I think that many people are just flaky and though they like talking from the comfort of their keyboards, they don't feel like spending the time actually meeting and doing something more. I think it'd be kinder for them to simply be honest and admit that it's not their priority taking that friendship beyond the online spectrum instead of leading you on online and being flaky.

    This flakiness you're talking about reminded me a situation I had years ago, but through online dating. I began talking to this guy I met on an online dating app who lived right across my street. He talked to me everyday and a lot. He never asked me out. I decided to take initiative and try to arrange a meeting. There would always come up something, either work, either being too tired or some other excuse. The thing is he'd keep on messaging and talking everyday but to him I was more like a chat buddy/pen pal than someone he'd actually make the effort of leaving home and have a coffee right across the street. I ended up deleting him because I wasn't looking to chat on an online dating app. I never knew the reason he'd never meet but kept talking but I suspect he either was in a relationship, or catfishing me, or dating others but keeping me in the backburner just in case, or simply busting his ego with me for whatever reason. Or maybe, he just didn't want to bother doing something more than online chatting.

  11. #20
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Not shocking at all. People have been doing this since the beginning of time. Without the technology it may not had been as easy to do, but it was harder to get caught. Remember all those jokes about the milkman? Ya those had some truth to it.

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