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ex didn't contact me on my birthday


shalimar1

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we were together almost 11 years, and have broken up a few times before. he always sent me a happy birthday message while we were broken up, but not this time, and it's killing me. I'm devastated because I suppose it means there's no hope for reconciliation and he didn't want to give me the wrong idea. I broke up with him, and moved out of his house. It was some of the worst pain I've ever felt, and then when he failed to acknowledge my birthday, it was like going through the heartbreak of leaving him all over again. we split up 5 months ago, and he had contacted me a few times via email to let me know I could come and see the dog anytime I wanted. I asked him if he preferred he be there, he said I could come whether he was home or not, and told me where the spare key was. I only visited a few times, always when he was at work, because it was so painful. I didn't tell him when I was coming, so he was unaware of my visit. I contacted him at Christmas to wish him a happy holiday. He replied, but it was nothing of consequence.

 

Our relationship was long, and complex. I loved him and still do, but I had to break up with him because he suffers from depression and could be very mean. I hope anyone. who reads this and who has been on the receiving end of the breakup understands that the person who initiates the breakup DOES hurt. Their heart ACHES. I almost feel like I've been the one who was left, because I felt I had no other choice than to do what I did.

 

Nobody owes me anything, but he always reached out on my birthday when we were broken up, and the fact that he didn't this time makes me believe there is NO hope. He didn't forget.

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Consider this a blessing. It is time that you be done with this guy if he is abusive.

 

Have you sought therapy to understand why you continued returning to someone like this?. You should also block, so that you can move on with your life.

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When a breakup is used as a bargaining chip, and it doesn’t work, like you said it’s as if they broke up with you. When someone breaks up because they’re done, done, it hurts of course but they aren’t devestated, it’s a conclusion that they’ve reached because they are done, often times it’s a relief, they’ve already begin to disengage even. So while you were the one to pull the trigger you were facing the gun at yourself.

 

As reality hits of your loss of control, it’s going to hurt, but you’re going to be ok.

You broke up with him because of your issues and those aren’t going anywhere, so you have your answer, it hurts that he didn’t rise to the occasion but as another poster said he did you a favor

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Short term therapy may help you navigate this and get some closure and clarity. Focus on your own home, pets, friends, family, career and interests. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop letting him control you. Get healthier boundaries.

 

Cut all ties, delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps.

we were together almost 11 years, and have broken up a few times before. he said I could come whether he was home or not, and told me where the spare key was. I only visited a few times, always when he was at work, because it was so painful.
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Nobody owes me anything, but he always reached out on my birthday when we were broken up, and the fact that he didn't this time makes me believe there is NO hope. He didn't forget.

 

It sounds like it's best to accept that there is no hope, and that it is indeed over.

 

Hard as it is, moving towards a new chapter in your life without him appears that it will ultimately be less painful than going back to something that doesn't work and hurts your well-being.

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Stop living in the past and acknowledge you are starting a new chapter in your life. Put yourself out there, go on a trip with GFs, take yoga classes, change your look....do it all for yourself to regain your identity. Independence is bliss!

 

Girl I get it, you question the decision, but I tell you this, you DID make the right decision. You had to get out of there for your own self worth.

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we were together almost 11 years, and have broken up a few times before
I've said it before so I'll say it again. When you break up more than once then it's natures way of telling you that you are with the wrong person. That being the case, be glad he's gone and he's giving you the gift of letting go so that you can get the heck over him and find the RIGHT PERSON for you.

 

Zero contact in all ways and means is the best way to get to the stage of indifference to someone.

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why would you want a happy birthday from an ex you haven't spoken to in 5 months?

 

why would you even expect your ex to contact you 5 months post break up?

 

the thing about breaking up is your saying goodbye. for life!

 

theres no friends, no catch ups, no contact.

 

ask yourself this, if you broke up with him and you hadn't spoken 6 months would you honestly message him for his birthday with no intention of speaking after it?

 

be honest with yourself

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So you are thinking that your X that has been broken up with you for 5 months woke up the morning of your Bday and thought not to send you a birthday text just so it could send you in a emotional tail spin and thus making you think that it is officially over and finally makes you depressed and sad? You think your X put that much thought into a non text? Why cant you just accept that he didn't send you a text because he just didn't. How many times did you check your phone that day? What you wanted was a lifeline. You wanted affirmation that he was still thinking of you. The bday text was more for you than it was for him. You just justified your hurt by saying that it shut the door for you. That door should have been shut a long time ago.

I know you are hurting, and I know it hurts to this day and what you are going thru. It sucks I know, in fact most if not all of us know that it hurts. At some point you are the one who will have to decide whats best for you, not wait until he decides for you. Let him find his path and happiness in his own life, you must stand up and find your path to your happiness. Counseling can assist you in beginning that journey.

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