Dysfunctional adult, how do I heal

I've always known I had issues with things like depression and anxiety, but after turning 25 recently it hit me how dysfunctional I am in general and I'm not sure what the best steps are to take to get help.

I grew up with an alcoholic narcissist mother (father wasn't there much) and she sent me away to a wilderness and boarding school program at age 16. After getting out at age 18 I didn't know how to adjust back to the real world and started smoking weed all day every day. I also started stripping as I had issues keeping other jobs and focusing in school due to my addictions. It's now been almost 7 years of stripping and I've spent the majority of my money on plastic surgery which was not a wise idea (I have severe body dysmorphia, not that its a valid excuse for my actions). Over time I've developed alcoholism myself and I have an average of 5-10 drinks almost every day, and more recently a bit of a coke addiction as well.

I'm currently staying back with my mom as she recently had surgery and I've been helping her out, but now she is healed and wants me out of her house and I'm not sure what the best move is. She is aware of my situation but doesn't really seem too concerned about it (my father is mentally ill himself and though he is a loving dad, can barely help himself yet alone me). Do I go to rehab? Counseling? AA meetings? I can tell it's a matter of time before something extremely disastrous happens. I'm not trying to come off with a victim mentality as I realize I've done this to myself, I'm just genuinely unsure of what the next move is and don't feel like I have anyone to turn to and help me. I do have other family I can go stay with for awhile if need be but I still don't know the next steps to take for long-term solutions.

Thanks in advance.

Do I go to rehab? Counseling? AA meetings?

I think any or all of the above can help you.

What sort of extreme disaster are you worried about?

Wow, I am so very sorry you are going through all this!! ((Hugs))

I had actually just logged out but logged back in to respond.

What I would do:

Stay with family and look into attending a vocational school (6-9 month programs) of your choice to acquire skills so you can get a job, other than stripping. Take a small part time job waitressing at night so can pay them a small rent.

Stop drinking and cocaine, and attend AA in the area. Kicking those addictions will be intense but can be done! Rehab is expensive but if you can afford, then do that.

Focus on school, studying, getting the best grades you can.

One graduated, these schools have placement programs and can find you a job.

Once that happens, you can move out and get your own apartment.

Stay clean and associate with only those people who bring value and quality to your life! Stay close with family.

Once you are working, find a good therapist who takes patients on a sliding scale.

It won't be easy but with the support of family and your own strength and desire to extricate yourself from this rut you're in you will succeed.

You can do this!!!!

I am also curious to what others say, good luck!!

I think any or all of the above can help you.

 

What sort of extreme disaster are you worried about?

Anything really, from health problems to getting raped or getting in a car crash, or any other type of situation that could arise from being blackout drunk somewhere

Wow, I am so very sorry you are going through all this!! ((Hugs))

 

I had actually just logged out but logged back in to respond.

 

What I would do:

 

Stay with family and look into attending a vocational school (6-9 month programs) of your choice to acquire skills so you can get a job, other than stripping. Take a small part time job waitressing at night so can pay them a small rent.

 

Stop drinking and cocaine, and attend AA in the area. Kicking those addictions will be intense but can be done! Rehab is expensive but if you can afford, then do that.

 

Focus on school, studying, getting the best grades you can.

 

One graduated, these schools have placement programs and can find you a job.

 

Once that happens, you can move out and get your own apartment.

 

Stay clean and associate with only those people who bring value and quality to your life! Stay close with family.

 

Once you are working, find a good therapist who takes patients on a sliding scale.

 

It won't be easy but with the support of family and your own strength and desire to extricate yourself from this rut you're in you will succeed.

 

You can do this!!!!

 

I am also curious to what others say, good luck!!

Thank you for this response. That's solid advice. I will definitely start attending meetings ASAP.

I think katrina has given you great advice. I just wanted to add that your level of self awareness and accountability astounds me (in a great way). I know many people who have a much easier life than you, and still can’t amount to your level of accountability. That alone tells me that should you commit to building the life you want, you will be successful. It’s going to be a very long, very difficult process, but I have no doubt that as long as you continue to be honest with yourself and stay motivated, you can make it to a better life.

I wish you all the best!!

Go to AA and talk to your doctor about your adictions. You probably dont want to just suddenly cut things out as it could lead to some other issues.

Stay strong, and when tough times come remember that even by acknowledging this you did more than 90% of people do.

Do I go to rehab? Counseling? AA meetings?

If you're looking for a long-term solution then I think ALL of the above would be a really really good idea. The sooner, the better (imo).

I think katrina has given you great advice. I just wanted to add that your level of self awareness and accountability astounds me (in a great way). I know many people who have a much easier life than you, and still can’t amount to your level of accountability. That alone tells me that should you commit to building the life you want, you will be successful. It’s going to be a very long, very difficult process, but I have no doubt that as long as you continue to be honest with yourself and stay motivated, you can make it to a better life.

 

I wish you all the best!!

Thank you, that was encouraging and gives me some hope.

Yes you can do all three. You can also get rid of toxic people in your life. Agree that with all theses high risk behaviors, it's only an matter of time before you're in a hospital, prison or morgue. The good news is you have a lot of insight and seem to want a better life.

Do I go to rehab? Counseling? AA meetings? I can tell it's a matter of time before something extremely disastrous happens.

If you start with AA meetings, you'll gather a sense that you are not isolated, and you can gain some referrals to a good local counselor and discuss with peers your potential options for a program. Not all AA groups are the same, so give each location the benefit of attending at least 3 meetings before you rule any out. For instance, some are more spiritually focused than others. Some are more casual, some are more structured. You may find inspiration from your peers and you can ask the facilitator for an assignment to a sponsor who can help you work the program.

Another option is to contact your local hospital and ask for a referral to a case worker who can present you with treatment and recovery options.

You may want to discuss your plans with your mother to see whether she would allow you to remain in her home during and shortly after any treatment to avoid the financial responsibility of maintaining an apartment during your initial recovery, and while you seek other work.

It's not likely that working where alcohol is served is a good idea during recovery. You may want to consider applying with temp agencies that can place you with local companies, where you can apply for permanent jobs from within when you find a good cultural fit. It doesn't matter what role(s) you accept as a temp, because you'll form relationships inside of companies. From inside, you'll gain access to apply for jobs that are not published to the public.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

Not all AA groups are the same, so give each location the benefit of attending at least 3 meetings before you rule any out.

Yes! Good point. Same with counselling. Find a good fit for you. Don't get discouraged.

It's not likely that working where alcohol is served is a good idea during recovery. You may want to consider applying with temp agencies that can place you with local companies, where you can apply for permanent jobs from within when you find a good cultural fit.

I also started stripping as I had issues keeping other jobs and focusing in school due to my addictions. It's now been almost 7 years of stripping and I've spent the majority of my money on plastic surgery which was not a wise idea

Also, consider what your current job is doing to your self image. The sooner you can transition into a less superficial line of work, the better. The longer you are stripping, the more out of reach a 'normal' job will seem. Many women face this obstacle. It can be very discouraging but it is not insurmountable.

Also, consider what your current job is doing to your self image. The sooner you can transition into a less superficial line of work, the better. The longer you are stripping, the more out of reach a 'normal' job will seem. Many women face this obstacle. It can be very discouraging but it is not insurmountable.

Good point. This is not about how anyone else in the world views stripping, except for you. This is where self honesty is your friend, because it can break an insidious 'chicken-or-the-egg' cycle of justifying your own view of stripping only to self-medicate away from any private oppositions to your own rationale.

The cycle may have become a blur between self-medicating to get through stripping, versus staying with stripping because you're rarely sober enough to consider pursuing any other means of earning living.

Breaking that cycle can move you beyond any need to come up with 'right' answers. Giving yourself permission and the opportunity to operate outside of the cycle can bring you to a new level of perception, where your past will resolve itself through a new lens and expanded vision about what IS possible for you.

Head high, and we're in your corner.

Everyone has given you good advice about joining the meetings for a support network, because you don't need to do this alone! And you're already heading in the right direction in the way you are thinking. I don't have extra advice, I just want to send you encouragement because you're not a dysfunctional person, you just have made mistakes and you've been struggling. You can be the way you want to be. YOU CAN DO IT!

If your mom won't let you stay and with your past, you can search your local social services office (towards women's group). They will give you lots of resources and referrals, a counselor, therapy, housing, transportation, jobs, insurance and rehab. The addiction sounds serious so I'd go to detox/rehab or outpatient before you get into legal trouble. It can get worse been there