Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 33

Thread: Terrible 2ís???

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,591
    Gender
    Male
    When you keep beating him up because of your past, your insecurities, your untreated depression, it will lead to arguments. You are creating self-fulfilling prophecies by doing this.

    No one will ever do enough or be enough or be able to make you happy. You Cling. You complain. You accuse them of wanting to leave. You insist on constant and negative relationship talks. And surprise... they leave and you've proven once again to yourself that all men are abusive jerks and eventually leave you. Perpetuating your world of negativity.

    Only appropriate treatment for your depression, anxiety, stress etc will help you get out of this self defeating cycle. You need to stop being an emotional vampire, grow up and start taking responsibility for your mental health, moods, feelings and life.
    Originally Posted by rflor
    Like last night I was just trying to explain to him that Iím worried about his things have been going lately. I worry if itís me, if heís no longer interested in me and if we still mutually want the same things weíve talked about for our future. I need that reassurance. He tells me I need to look at the bigger picture. Meaning that everything heís done and is doing for our relationship and myself and my kids.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    35
    Thank you everyone for all your advice and input. I truly appreciate it.
    I realize how it can be very suffocating when Iím trying to help him the way that I have been. Asking him to give me his laundry and errands etc etc...when sometimes leaving him alone is the best solution if heís feeling overly stressed or tired. Less is more in this case sometimes.

    I guess what I just found confusing at times is he will be tired and Iíll tell him okay babe Iíll let you get some rest, if you need anything let me know and call or text me whenever.
    And his response at times will be ďthatís it? So no support or motivation?Ē. But Iím trying to be supportive by letting him rest and not bothering him. So I let him rest and suggest What I can go do for him and itís adding stress still...but I let him rest and donít bother him and then Iím still not supportive??? 🤷🏻♀️

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,416
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by rflor
    So I let him rest and suggest What I can go do for him and itís adding stress still...but I let him rest and donít bother him and then Iím still not supportive??? 🤷🏻♀️
    It's not necessary to jump through hoops and mind-read to learn what someone wants. Just ask.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    35
    True.
    And I know his work has been stressful lately. Andnit makes his patience very thin.

    Like today...he wanted to go buy some shoes at the mall. He asked me to drive. So I picked him up and he asked me if I deposited his check for him. I said yes and he asked if they have me a hard time at all because on Friday they called him asking him to verify a purchase in case it was fraudulent.
    I told him no they didnít give me a hard time. They didnít say anything to me but I donít think theyíre allowed to considering Iím not on the account.
    And he just got super mad. He said why would I even agree to put the check in his account is thereís possible fraud on it. He said they wouldnít let me deposit anything more than likely. And I said yeah maybe. Idk if they would let me or not. And he got really upset. Saying I know my response would bother him and stress him out and why couldnít I just agree with him. I told him I donít understand what I said wrong. But yeah heís right that they might tell me the account is on hold or something.
    So it just really threw me off. I apologized and said that I was just going off what they did to me when I had fraud on my account once. They wouldnít talk to anyone other than me and still let my deposits go through. He mentioned i know that things like that will stress him out so why am I purposely trying to aggravate him and closing just agree with him.
    I wasnít trying to upset or stress him out. I was being realistic and saying that I do not know if they would let me still deposit or not.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,757
    You bf's response makes zero sense.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    35
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You bf's response makes zero sense.

    Exactly lol

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,591
    Gender
    Male
    You will not win hearts or love or respect by being a mommy, servant, chauffeur, doormat, etc. It is nauseating, suffocating and the best way to attract abusers and assorted others who are happy to wipe their feet on you. Stop All of this nonsense. Let him run his own errands, do his own cleaning, etc. Pay attention to your kids, your own home, errands, job, friends and family. Get a life and stop making him the center of your universe. That is being an emotional vampire.
    Originally Posted by rflor
    I picked him up
    I deposited his check for him.
    Asking him to give me his laundry and errands etc etc.
    Iíll tell him okay babe Iíll let you get some rest, if you need anything let me know and call or text me whenever.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,757
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You will not win hearts or love or respect by being a mommy, servant, chauffeur, doormat, etc. It is nauseating, suffocating and the best way to attract abusers and assorted others who are happy to wipe their feet on you. Stop All of this nonsense. Let him run his own errands, do his own cleaning, etc. Pay attention to your kids, your own home, errands, job, friends and family. Get a life and stop making him the center of your universe. That is being an emotional vampire.
    I agree. Stop doing this stuff. It's his responsibility. Why in the world are you doing these things?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    7,857
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I agree. Stop doing this stuff. It's his responsibility. Why in the world are you doing these things?
    I would venture to guess that somewhere along the way, OP was taught if you do all these things, sacrifice yourself and your needs, focusing instead on your partner's needs, she will be rewarded with his love.

    It typically has the opposite effect, per Wiseman's last post.

    Sad really.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,757
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I would venture to guess that somewhere along the way, OP was taught if you do all these things, sacrifice yourself and your needs, focusing instead on your partner's needs, she will be rewarded with his love.

    It typically has the opposite effect, per Wiseman's last post.

    Sad really.
    You're right.

    It is very sad, as all it causes is disrespect. How did he survive before she came along,

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •