Next step

Hi everyone,

I met this guy a few months ago at a conference. He used to work at my company a few years ago (he had left the company long before they hired me, so we were never co-workers). He knew some of my co-workers, so we did drinks and dinner all together a couple of times. We also went for drinks only the two of us, and seemed to enjoy each other’s company. We spent a lot of time together at the conference and I realized that I liked him. I don’t know if he’s single or not, he’s never mentioned a girlfriend or dating anyone. We mostly talked about traveling and our work. He’s older than me (almost 10 years), we share the same sense of humor, and he’s very intellectual. I think he likes me too, we definitely had a connection. He would have lunch with me rather than with this co-workers.

At that time, he was living in Canada. We stayed in touch, and would send each other emails every now and then. He reached out to me last week that he will be moving back to the US. He also said he might stop by in my city next month. I really like this guy, but I’m not sure if I should ask him if he wants to do drinks/dinner. I usually keep it low key and wait until the guy I’m interested in makes a move, but I’m afraid that If I don’t do anything, he will never know I want to get to know him better.

I don’t want to be come across as needy, and I’ve always been rather shy with guys, so I don't know what to do now. Do you think it is okay to ask him if he wants to do something once he’s in town, or should I just wait for him to make a move ?

You should find out his relationship status.

Also, if you do not live in the same city, how would date?

You can casually mention 'ring me if you're in town and we'll get coffee'. It doesn't sound like he's interested in a relationship so don't put that much spin on it or stop dating local single guys.

He also said he might stop by in my city next month.

The only option would be to ask him directly.

You should find out his relationship status.

 

It'd be 2 hours by car from my area.

 

Also, if you do not live in the same city, how would date?

He said he hopes he can come next month, but doesn't know when exactly. Since he kept in touch for the last few months, I assumed he could be interested, but maybe I'm wrong. Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to keep it as casual as I can.

You can casually mention 'ring me if you're in town and we'll get coffee'. It doesn't sound like he's interested in a relationship so don't put that much spin on it or stop dating local single guys.

So respond with something along the lines of "Great, let me know when you will be in town and maybe I can show you around or do lunch/dinner." If you are maintaining friendly contact, then this would be nice and casual enough regardless of if you are just friends or looking for more. Do be sure to find out if he is single or not though. Just because someone doesn't mention an SO, doesn't mean anything....and beware of any "yeah but we are almost separated....or any other such qualifiers. If you hear that, run like the wind.

Where do you want this to go?

IF a guy likes you, he is only worth liking back if he gives you no doubt of his intentions. Cool guys are not wishywashy, they don't want to risk you getting away so they make their move and make sure you know where you stand. If they secretly like you but don't have the courage to take a stand and let you know, they are a waste of your time, nothing good will come of it.

Let him know you are available to get together when he comes to town, then stand back and wait to see what he does with that.

I'd like to get to know him better, and go on a few dates etc. I don't know him that well to say I want him to be my boyfriend.

Where do you want this to go?

This makes sense, thank you LDJ. I'm definitively not going to chase him.

Let him know you are available to get together when he comes to town, then stand back and wait to see what he does with that.