Bf suddenly always playing game with his friends

Hi there! I'm[F25] doing a long distance relationship with my bf[M25] who I met while playing an online game. We have great time together both online and in person and I pretty much don't have anything to complain about the relationship. Well at least until a week ago.

Playing games together is an important part of our relationship since we both really enjoy gaming and we even met while playing an online game. About a week ago, he started playing the game(same one he plays with me) a lot with his friends and our time playing together has gone down to barely 1 hour ~ 0 hour. Even the days he doesn't play with his friends, he doesn't feel like playing with me or only wants to play it if I ask and for a short amount of time.

Now, I have no problem with him playing games with his friends. I've never said anything about it before and I never felt bad about it either. The issue here is that what WE used to do together for hours has suddenly changed to what HE does with his friends. I feel neglected and feel like he enjoys gaming with his friends more than he does with me. He still does make time to hangout with me and says he will still play the game if I want to. However, I don't feel like bagging him to play with me again when he just played the same game with his friends for 5 hours straight. It's kind of like going to a movie with someone who already watched it before but are still willing to watch again just because they want to spend time with you. Very mixed feelings.

I waited about one week to see if things will go back to normal or if this is just how it's going to be now and I honestly think this will continue. He used to play games with his friends a few times a month but now he's hanging out with them 5 days a week. I want to talk to him about this but I don't really know how to start the conversation. Any advice?

Does it have to be just the two of you? I mean can you join the whole group and play?

I understand that when you met this way, this is the big bonding thing between you, but the problem with gaming is that other games come out, dynamics change, people get tired or bored of playing and just quit.....so what other things can you do together besides gaming?

We enjoy playing games with just two of us because if we have someone else in the group we feel too awkward acting lovey dovey. We do watch shows or movies or just talk a lot besides gaming. We also switched between many different games because we got board and etc... I don't have problem with not playing the game if we don't have anything to play, the issue is that I feel replaced and neglected because of the sudden change in our relationship dynamic.

We used to hangout a lot, watching movies, just talking, and playing games. That dynamic has suddenly changed to me waiting for him to be done gaming with his friends.

Have you ever met him in person?

I mean after the newness of the relationship wears off, it's normal for people to kind of go back to spending their time with friends in addition to the relationship. Things kind of have to normalize and balance out over time in terms of time spent on friends and time spent on the SO. Sounds a bit like that's what you might be dealing with.

You really do have an option to play with the group instead of waiting around and being resentful if the only price is that you two aren't all over each other while in game.

Other than that, maybe just work out couple time and friend time and be sure that you also remember to do things outside of the relationship so you aren't just waiting on him to be done gaming. You have to figure out how to divide your time between work, friends, hobbies, relationship, etc. Figure out a balance. Don't get fixated on the dynamic is changing so it must be bad. Not necessarily. Change is just change.

.......it’s been going on for a week.

Let him play with his friends without your complaining. You can’t be the main focus of his attention all the time. Now if this was happening for a few months, that’d be different.

There is more going on here than just extra time spent with his friends.

In this thread, https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557329, you were concerned because your boyfriend keeps you away from his social media completely and lied to you about it.

Normally I would say to not worry about his ramped-up gaming with his buddies but your relationship has other issues compounding this. How have things been between you since your last thread was posted?

Thank you DancingFool and indea08 for the reply. I'll give it some time and see how things go while finding stuff to do myself. Sometimes I get carried away in relationship and any kind of change scares me. Maybe I'm too focused on the relationship and not myself.

To MissCanuck, thank you for reading my old thread but this one is 100% just about the gaming buddies. When he goes to play with his friends I can see him online so I don't really worry about him lying to me about what he's doing or cheating on me. I do think the past event has made me to be skeptical but things has been pretty good between me and my SO. Half of myself understands why he doesn't want me to know his anonymous social media but the other half is still doubtful. I would be more skeptical if I saw any other issues in his behavior but so far I haven't caught any.

How many years do you expect to be long distance before closing the distance? What are your must-haves and dealbreakers in a relationship? Have you ever had a local, longterm relationship? Sometimes people either subconciously or consciously enter into a long distance cyber relationship when they're really not emotionally ready to be in a genuine, serious, local relationship that takes daily effort, and a swifter progression than can happen with LDRs.

To MissCanuck, thank you for reading my old thread but this one is 100% just about the gaming buddies. When he goes to play with his friends I can see him online so I don't really worry about him lying to me about what he's doing or cheating on me. I do think the past event has made me to be skeptical but things has been pretty good between me and my SO. Half of myself understands why he doesn't want me to know his anonymous social media but the other half is still doubtful. I would be more skeptical if I saw any other issues in his behavior but so far I haven't caught any.

Do you not see the connection between the two issues, OP?

I didn't say nor imply that he's lying or cheating rather than gaming. I don't think he's doing either of those things, but I also don't think this necessarily means that things are otherwise fine. What is interesting to me is that you don't seem to connect the dots between his desire to keep you away from that part of his online life, and this current situation.

These things don't happen in a relationship vacuum. The bigger context is important.

How often do you see each other in person? Are you long distance because of school/work? Besides gaming what else do you do/have in common? Do you interact while apart in terms of videochats, texts, calls, etc. Try to focus on other parts of your relationship.

In person and online too. We both play games so we spend a lot of time together playing games or just talking. We do frequent visits to each other and already met each others families.

My issue with the current situation is the sudden change in our relationship dynamic and I felt neglected. I actually ended up talking about this with my bf recently and I think we resolved it in a good way. I explained to him how and why I felt certain ways and he agreed that he's been spending more time with his friends and understands why I felt left out. We both agreed to work on this and I feel pretty good about where I am now. I actually met one of his friends(that he plays game with) in person when we met up so I don't think it's about keeping them as a secret from me.

I sorta get what you meant by "the connection between the two issues" but I need help with what you meant by the bigger context. Are you referring to his desire to keep me away from certain things which can lead to keeping bigger issues?

How come you won't answer the questions about how much time you spend with him physically in person?

The answer to that question is key.

Sorry I only had enough time to answer for one reply. We usually meet up once a month for 3-5 days. We live 2 hours flight away from each other and both live with families so it gets too expensive to visit more than that. We do facetime almost everyday and talk(including watching shows and other activities) on the phone/games everyday for a few hours.

So you spend about 60 days per year together. Two months total together and 10 months apart.

How long were you together in person before you became long distance?

What plans have you discussed to resolve the distance?

We actually started as long distance since we met while playing video game. I will probably move near him in the future because of my personal situation and better living conditions etc..

 

We have great time together both online and in person and I pretty much don't have anything to complain about the relationship.

 

What types of things do you do together in person? I hope it involves more than just playing games.

I dunno, these long distance, long term "on line" relationships continue to fascinate me!

I have "interacted" with a couple of men on line who were long distance and I've never met, and it sometimes took more effort to keep it going on line than had we been together in person!

Your energy constantly has to be "up" to keep it fun, thinking up cute retorts so as not to be "boring" or delving into long protracted discussions about various topics -- versus spending time together in person simply chilling!

Sometimes not saying a word, but still saying so much. I love those types of intimate moments with my bf.

OP how do you do this on line? Simply hang back and chill together?? Serious question.

Just my opinion of course, but for one to say on line relationships are lazy or don't require much effort, or as much effort as in person, is not true in my experience.

I could never do it long term, I find they can sometimes be emotionally exhausting, for reasons expressed above, and depending on whom you're interacting with of course.

I recall with one man it was totally fun! I fell hard for him if truth be told. The other it was utterly exhausting.

Anyway, I agree with the others it's only been a week.

Don't be afraid of change or a slight deviation from the "norm."

Remain open and flexible to changing nuances, your bf will appreciate it and it will help prevent your relationship from becoming "same ole/same ole" = mundane and boring.