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Thread: My bf wont have sex with me anymore....??

  1. #11
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    He's been refusing to have sex with you since 2017 according to your posts.

    I would presume this is how things will be forever.

    Can you accept a lifetime of sex twice a month?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean when you are fantasizing about other men and want to cheat, it's time to admit that your relationship is beyond repair and has run its course. Time to end things with this guy and move on before you get so desperate that you do end up cheating. You aren't wrong to want a sexually healthy relationship. It's not too much to ask for, but you are stuck asking the wrong guy. Put this thing you have going on out of its misery already and get out there and start dating again. Find a better match.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this is happening. You're correct 1/2 your relationship being about arguing and rejection and estrangement is not a "phase". Maybe it's time to realize you're not compatible. Do you live together? What were the problems and how have they been resolved? It sounds like you're playing house and he's just coasting along complacently.

    He knows rejecting and frustrating you hurts you and he doesn't care. That doesn't seem like "soulmates". Talking will never work. Talking is obviously being tuned out. You need to take action. How long do you want to drift along like this? Do not try to fix or coddle him. This is deliberate, not an illness he can't help.
    We started having problems around the first year. I have some posts about it. He did not really express himself and it was giving me a hard time. Over months of fighting things started working out when a pretty severe money situation happened to me and we went through it together. He started listening to me more started trying for me and we are happy now. He opened up. He said that he felt he had no space back then. We worked all of this out. But the sex problem remained.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I'm assuming all these "stages" didn't start and end yesterday. To elaborate, if you started going through these stages the moment he happened to had the audacity to go a few weeks with his libido having dropped for any assortment or reasons or lack thereof, it's not a wonder sex has perpetually taken a back seat. We also have no idea what these issues this first year were, how much you may or may not be minimizing the residual effects, etc.

    Basically, I've yet to know a guy who woke up one day and thought, "Sex is overrated. I think I'm done with it." Certainly drives can diminish as the novelty wanes a bit over time and responsibilities increase, but a by and large total lack of intimacy is most often a symptom, not the cause in and of itself. That's not to suggest he's not equally responsible for broaching such issues, or whether he has or hasn't played his fair part in such issues, but that it's rarely productive to focus on the absence of sex itself.
    It was very sudden. It started in a bad time for us. He felt I was being all over him but he did not tell me he just pushed me away in silent ways. No sex no communication all day sitting on his laptop. I was shocked and I thought he was cheating at first. After some months and a lot of me blaming you arguments he said this and he also said that he is pushed away by my anxiety and depression disorder. I suffer from extensive insomnia. I did a huge work with my self. He admitted he was acting child like. This was one year ago. We sorted things out since this summer. I dont say anything now. I don't cry anymore I sleep almost every night and I don't nag about the sex problem. I thought if I give him some time it would be fixed. But no. Still the same even though his behavior in every other thing is changed and better.

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  6. #15
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    Sounds to me like you are settling for a relationship that leaves you feeling badly. Why do you think this is acceptable? Figuring this out and fixing it is more important than fixing his lack of interest in sex. Who knows why he is like that, there are a few explanations, it could be medical, it could be psychological it could be a gender/sexuality issue. But more importantly, the bigger question is why do you look to him to solve what you perceive to be the problem instead of looking at yourself? It is you who is unhappy with your situation, could it be that its easier to expect change from someone else than it is to fight for your own happiness by expecting a change from yourself? That change might be a change in your relationship status. You are responsible for your own happiness, you can lay the burden at the feet of another person and expect them to change so that you will be happy, it seems so much easier if someone else had to do the changing. The problem with that plan is that people are stubborn they won't change for you, they will only change when they require it of themselves, so that leaves you frustrated and depressed and putting your happiness in the hands of someone else. That approach looks easy on the surface but it is actually the hardest.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Notmi
    It was very sudden. It started in a bad time for us. He felt I was being all over him but he did not tell me he just pushed me away in silent ways. No sex no communication all day sitting on his laptop. I was shocked and I thought he was cheating at first. After some months and a lot of me blaming you arguments he said this and he also said that he is pushed away by my anxiety and depression disorder. I suffer from extensive insomnia. I did a huge work with my self. He admitted he was acting child like. This was one year ago. We sorted things out since this summer. I dont say anything now. I don't cry anymore I sleep almost every night and I don't nag about the sex problem. I thought if I give him some time it would be fixed. But no. Still the same even though his behavior in every other thing is changed and better.
    And are you still living at his place?

    I have no idea what you were blaming him for, how right or wrong you were about it, how often you were doing it, how often your anxiety and depression manifested themselves in the context of your relationship, but given your history of chalking up legit relationship issues to sex dropping off, I'm not sure you're in a position to fully realize whether things were ever actually "sorted out." He could have resigned to the path of least resistance, but that doesn't mean he's happy.

    I think people tend to be a bit too eager to diagnose a man when he has the audacity not to have sex with a woman, or to not give him the same consideration we'd give a woman who has for over a year scantly desired intimacy with her partner. People tend not to have a high sex drive when it comes to someone they're unhappy or uncomfortable with. When I wasn't happy or comfortable with a woman, I never told myself, ".... she does have a vag, though." No. I simply rubbed one out. Combined with every other dynamic, it's no surprise to me he's got porn in his browser history despite not ever bumping uglies with you.

    If you are still living at his place, I'd be more inclined to chalk it up to him not knowing how to essentially kick you out. If you're not living together, I don't know what even his bad excuse for not ending it would be. But as it stands, you two don't seem to have ever exactly had a golden era. I don't see the point in dragging your feet out the door.

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