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1 word replies after four dates


Chrys

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Hi

 

Just need a bit of advice i guess.

 

So i started recently dating a guy who is from Ireland, i met him at a dating site.

 

We seemed to have conversation chemistry and we kissed on the third date passionately.

 

However, before and after he met me for the first time he was very very sexually suggestive.

 

Although I am up in general for sex talk, I feel like we this is something that should not be on all the time and its something that also needs to build up naturally, as we

dont really know each other yet.

 

I let him know . politely of that and i also let him know that i am looking for a relationship and that i would rather be honest to each other as to what we are looking for.

 

He told me he is looking for a relationship too and that he wants to get married and have kids.

 

Of course I had asked him if he is married or ever married before or if he has kids because i have been burnt before by a situation where a person was not honest at all about this and i have to ask these questions. I asked this from the get go and i also confirmed this as well on the third date, because this is online and we dont have any reference about each other at all, so i would like to avoid any such kind of situation.

 

He is 40 and I am 31.

 

So, after the fourth date I texted him and we chatted a bit and he asked me photos of my flat.

 

I told him that i dont have photos right now but i would send next day.

 

Next day comes, i texted him for good morning and stuff, and i got one word answers only.

 

Dont know what is going on.

 

As a background to my story, he lives and works in London but he has a house and a farm in Ireland, where he is from.

 

He told me he goes every three weeks or less.

 

Also, he told me his parents have died and he has a sister as a very close relative.

 

Now, the thing is that on our third date, a woman called him and he said she is his sister.

 

He put her on speaker and he asked her what does she want and she didnt spoke.

 

She insisted again.

 

To me, this doesnt look like a sister, calling in the middle of a Saturday night, honestly and insisting.

 

I didnt comment on this incident of course.

 

Do you think something else is going on here?

 

You can never know can you?

 

To me it seems he lost interest or something else was going on.

 

Our fourth date was 2 days ago.

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He just wants to hook up. He is telling you what you want to hear. Do not send photos you do not want to send to a total stranger and do nor sext if it makes you uncomfortable. Do your homework. Is he married? If he ghosts consider it a blessing, if not delete and block him.

before and after he met me for the first time he was very very sexually suggestive.

 

He told me he is looking for a relationship too and that he wants to get married and have kids.

 

he asked me photos of my flat.

 

he lives and works in London but he has a house and a farm in Ireland, where he is from.

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If someone is having sex talk, before you have it, it's all they are looking for. He only wanted to hook up! If you want a relationship with someone, this should be a big, red flag!

 

I echo this. Yes he probably does want to be in a relationship, and to get married and have kids... that doesn't mean he ONLY wants that, or that he wants that with you.

 

By the way, don't send him pics of your flat... you don't know how shady this guy is or if he has shady friends that will look at those pictures and use them as an opportunity to rob you of your valuables, or worse.

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I have no idea if he is.

 

But objectively a sister wouldnt insist like that in the middle of a Saturday night???

 

What did this supposed sister insisted to? If this sister was a wife or a girlfriend I don't think he'd have answered on speaker in front of you. But that's not the issue here.

 

Every time I met guys online who were sexually suggestive from the beginning and would base most of conversations on that, they were not actually interested n more than casual sex or hook up. Yes, he might want to marry and have kids in the future, but this doesn't mean that his intentions now are a relationship. His actions don't demonstrate that.

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What did this supposed sister insisted to? If this sister was a wife or a girlfriend I don't think he'd have answered on speaker in front of you. But that's not the issue here.

 

Every time I met guys online who were sexually suggestive from the beginning and would base most of conversations on that, they were not actually interested n more than casual sex or hook up. Yes, he might want to marry and have kids in the future, but this doesn't mean that his intentions now are a relationship. His actions don't demonstrate that.

 

She insisted calling him.

 

Coupled up by the fact he is every two weeks in Ireland, its pretty suspicious, as this is way too often for someone that lives and works in another country, n o matter if it is that close

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This guy sounds shady. Listen to your gut, crys.

 

I’ve found that anytime a guy has been sexually suggestive before meeting usually means their main (and probably only) focus is sex.

 

Guys like this ^ are a dime a dozen.

 

And why on earth would he ask for pictures of your home? I found that odd.

 

I’d next him.

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You sound a bit inexperienced but his one word responses are him letting you know he is not happy you are not going along with his agenda and jumping at the chance to hook up with him.

 

Please stop responding to him, block him if you can, there is nothing good or positive here - with continuing to interact with him.

 

Lesson learned.

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I am not inexperienced at all. I just find this bs that a 40 year old man behaves like this.

 

Im expecting something better.

 

IF nothing else shady is going on of course.

 

To me that sort of behaviour, of a man in that age, indicates that he has something else.

 

A single man 40 year old that needs a relationship, despite his friends are all married, doesnt just behave like this

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I am not inexperienced at all. I just find this bs that a 40 year old man behaves like this.

 

Im expecting something better.

 

IF nothing else shady is going on of course.

 

To me that sort of behaviour, of a man in that age, indicates that he has something else.

 

A single man 40 year old that needs a relationship, despite his friends are all married, doesn't just behave like this

 

 

You shouldn't . Age has nothing to do with it.

 

I am sorry, but you do sound nave. There were red flags, here. Starting with the sex talk. Who talks to their sibling like that.

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I am not inexperienced at all. I just find this bs that a 40 year old man behaves like this.

 

Im expecting something better.

 

IF nothing else shady is going on of course.

 

To me that sort of behaviour, of a man in that age, indicates that he has something else.

 

A single man 40 year old that needs a relationship, despite his friends are all married, doesnt just behave like this

 

There are men all ages who do this and who are only interested in sex. How do you know he needs a relationship or that he wants a relationship with you? I wouldn't send him pictures of your apartment. Seems either shady or a way to turn it into sexual.

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I am not inexperienced at all. I just find this bs that a 40 year old man behaves like this.

 

Im expecting something better.

 

IF nothing else shady is going on of course.

 

To me that sort of behaviour, of a man in that age, indicates that he has something else.

 

A single man 40 year old that needs a relationship, despite his friends are all married, doesnt just behave like this

 

Ok then what's your take? Serious question.

 

Since you're not inexperienced, surely you must have an opinion as to what his motivations are.

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Just sex. For sure.

 

From another forum, i received this very interesting reply about the situation. I dont agree at all, but its interesting:

 

Actually, I am surprised that he gave you four chances. Yes, he does want one thing... absolute commitment. He was waiting for you to plant your flag in him solidly but instead you played Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet. He's not mad at you. He just realizes that unless you are with him and for him one hundred percent at the very start then you can have no future together.

 

You have an outstanding profile. You'll get another chance with someone else. You don't have to sleep with this kind of guy, if that is what worries you. He wants someone who is totally devoted to him.

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Just sex. For sure.

 

From another forum, i received this very interesting reply about the situation. I dont agree at all, but its interesting:

 

Actually, I am surprised that he gave you four chances. Yes, he does want one thing... absolute commitment. He was waiting for you to plant your flag in him solidly but instead you played Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet. He's not mad at you. He just realizes that unless you are with him and for him one hundred percent at the very start then you can have no future together.

 

You have an outstanding profile. You'll get another chance with someone else. You don't have to sleep with this kind of guy, if that is what worries you. He wants someone who is totally devoted to him.

 

I hope that advise was being ironic, unless they think that total commitment means having sex on the first date.

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