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Thread: Extremely scared shy guy

  1. #1

    Extremely scared shy guy

    Hi everyone!
    I really need your help with figuring out what's wrong in my shy guy situation. Me and this shy guy knew each other since childhood but never really talked as we were in different schools, social circles etc. I had a crush on him since the moment I saw him. I always thought he liked me back because he was always staring at me but when I looked at him he quickly looked away. However now that I finally managed to get in contact with him (in college -we go to the same one) he acts really weird. From the first time we talked till now he is still painfully nervous and its been months. He barely has the courage to look at me, he trembles when I come to talk to him, if he can he avoids me or pretends he didnt see me. If we talk he replies with one word answers mostly, his voice is so quiet I sometimes dont even hear him or he wants to say something but nothing comes out of his mouth just loud breathing. He looks like he sees a ghost when he sees me. I am always very nice to him, polite, never asked him anything personal because I wanted him to be comfortable. Still nothing gets better. He also lied to me about that he doesnt know where I live (he does) and that he didnt see my message on facebook ( he ignored it.). He acts completely normal with other people, talks a lot etc. He answered a fb message to my male friend whom he knew for 1 day but ignored mine? He has never had a gf, or a very close female friend, but was interacting normally with his female classmates as far as I know. I tried everything even invited him to coffee, at first he said yes that we will go after the holidays then after he said no? He had his best friend Ive never even seen add me on fb so i suspect he stalked my profile. I have many male followers, a lot of men wanting to be with me, and I fear he thinks I am just playing him? I am considered a very attractive girl, maybe this scares him off? Ive never had a boyfriend bc I want true love (I fee that way ONLY towards HIM) but he doesnt know that..or he doesn't even like me but why does he acts differently towards me than to anyone else. He really has no reason to hate me, except if he has made up something false about me in his own mind.
    Please shy guys or anyone who has dealt with them help me. I really truly want to be with him. No one else..

  2. #2
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    This is the fuxking cutest thing omg girl you need to Get That ! Mmm i think i can see where he is coming from as i too can come off as super shy & vulnerable when i am absolutely Smitten by someone. Maybe youre coming off a little to strong? And he notices that youre interested & he avoids you because hes looking at all the possibilities in which things can go wrong? What i would do if i were you is just back off a little bit, but not to much! Maybe talk to his friends & see what his deal is? Infiltrate the ppl he hangs out with so that he is unable to avoid you and BOOM! hit him with the love potion >:) no but seriously find a way to take part in things that he likes! I dont wanna fill your head with nonsense but it sounds like hes freakin inlove with you 😂😍

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Leave this poor guy alone. Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It may help you identify guys who are interested and those who are not. Google "erotomania". It's a delusional disorder where someone becomes obsessed with another and views innocuous/meaningless things as "signs" that they are reciprocating the crush/infatuation.

    See a campus counselor for therapy since you're becoming obsessed to the point of thinking "I want true love I fee that way ONLY towards HIM". It's a dangerous and unhealthy obsession that at this point is harming you but could lead to stalking, harassing, etc in the future. It could indicate other issues you need to explore/uncover with a therapist.
    Originally Posted by Bluemoon007
    I had a crush on him since the moment I saw him.

    my message on facebook ( he ignored it.).

    I tried everything even invited him to coffee, he said no

    I really truly want to be with him. No one else..

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lonew0lf
    This is the fuxking cutest thing omg girl you need to Get That ! Mmm i think i can see where he is coming from as i too can come off as super shy & vulnerable when i am absolutely Smitten by someone. Maybe youre coming off a little to strong? And he notices that youre interested & he avoids you because hes looking at all the possibilities in which things can go wrong? What i would do if i were you is just back off a little bit, but not to much! Maybe talk to his friends & see what his deal is? Infiltrate the ppl he hangs out with so that he is unable to avoid you and BOOM! hit him with the love potion >:) no but seriously find a way to take part in things that he likes! I dont wanna fill your head with nonsense but it sounds like hes freakin inlove with you 😂😍
    I'm sorry, but I don't think forcing herself into a relationship with a guy who shows no special interest in her is the best way to build a healthy relationship. Also things like "infiltrate with the people he hangs out so that it's impossible for him to avoid her" seems creepy to me.

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  6. #5
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    He might be attracted to you and he is not available for a relationship with you right now and/or he is not interested in a relationship with you. I'd back off and give him space. I don't think you really care about him -this is all about you and the challenge he presents since he is not reciprocating your interest for whatever reason. if you care about him as a person back off and give him space. I know it's hard when feelings are not reciprocated. Instead of looking for "True Love" look to be a person who makes other people comfortable in their own skin. A rewarding relationship requires that.

    As far as your physical features if he is truly "scared" then all it means is he is choosing fear over dating you -same result meaning he is not available to be with you.

  7. #6
    I think you got me all wrong. I would never harass or do anything bad to him. The only time we talk is when we run into each other and most of the time I just smile and wave at him. I dont stalk him and I dont intend to..I would just like to understand why he acts towards me differently than he does to others

  8. #7
    Batya33. Thank you for your reply. No I dont take it as a challenge. I suffer because I am in love with him, I would prefer my feelings to end If I cant be with him. I tried to persuade myself into liking some other guy that was interested in me but I just couldn't. I can't deny/change my feelings. I would love to but I can't and I think anyone who has ever been in love (requited or unrequited) understands that.. I really tried everything to make my love for him go away but it never does

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not in love with him. You have a crush. You are merely friendly classmates and he obviously doesn't want to ask you out. This is why therapy to explore this could help you.
    Originally Posted by Bluemoon007
    I suffer because I am in love with him, I would prefer my feelings to end If I cant be with him. I really tried everything to make my love for him go away but it never does

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Bluemoon007
    Batya33. Thank you for your reply. No I dont take it as a challenge. I suffer because I am in love with him, I would prefer my feelings to end If I cant be with him. I tried to persuade myself into liking some other guy that was interested in me but I just couldn't. I can't deny/change my feelings. I would love to but I can't and I think anyone who has ever been in love (requited or unrequited) understands that.. I really tried everything to make my love for him go away but it never does
    No, it's not about being "in love" - I think you're getting too invested in your feelings -you are in complete control of your reactions to your feelings. My strong suggestion is to react to your feelings by acting in a kind and thoughtful and caring way. That would mean leaving him alone as he is not interested in being around you and he is awkward and uncomfortable around you. So if you truly have the feelings you have you will choose to react in a caring way by giving him space. Focus on action not feelings. You are in complete control. Then your feelings will go more to the radar, fade over time once you react by choosing to react in a thoughtful way. If you continue to pursue him then you are not acting in a loving way -you are acting in a self absorbed way. Loving is about giving -give him space.

  11. #10
    Lonew0lf thank you for your reply! You think the same way as all of my friends do! They always say "he wouldn't be nervous for no reason" or "he is just scared bc he likes you too much"...yes I gave him space, I haven't talked to him in like 3weeks! If I saw him coming from far away I went out of my way to avoid him, so he wouldn't be uncomfortable. As for asking his friends I thought about doing that, but I would have to ask them through facebook, so they could screenshot or tell him :( I thought maybe I should just tell him honestly that I have feelings for him? :)

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