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Thread: Is he a “straight friend” or something else?

  1. #1
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    Is he a “straight friend” or something else?

    A good friend of mine, who is good friends with my brother also, has college classes with me and has been doing so for the past year and a half. Over time, our friendship has grown. Maybe a little to close? We’re two guys, I’m gay, and most people I assume don’t really know. He’s presumably straight, has a girlfriend and is a great guy. Ever since we got closer as friends, he constantly makes staring glances at me (sitting next to me) waiting for me to look over, once I look at him, he smiles and turns away. Other cases are the touching; always patting my head, not flinging when my body accidentally touches his, gets abnormally close to my face when talking or doing assignments...Yes I understand, being gay and accidentally having feelings for a straight guy is common, and I can be convincing myself these things but there’s more. This semester just started back up, and we have classes again. There’s little pinpoints that I always find funny; he gets very defensive and embarrassed when I call him out, etc. but one thing recently got to me. As we were leaving class, there was a LGBT club poster on the wall. I told him to join as a joke, and he became infused in this subject, we started talking about it as we left class and asked me if I liked “gay people” and I said yes. We eventually got to the “gaydar” topic and he asked me if I thought he was gay and I said maybe, then he asked if I was and then I said I don’t know. When he got in the car, he rolled down his window and said he was bi, and put it in a somewhat embarrassed sarcastic way but also in a weird way. What does anyone think of this kid? Should I just lose feelings or is he trying to tell me something. (NOTE: By no means am I trying to jepodarzie him and his girlfriends relationship! Until they are broken up, we will be nothing but friends).

  2. #2
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    Well it seems he is definitely something more.

    Bi people can be confusing though... I would tread very carefully but for him to say he is bi is a big step.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Jellybean!

  4. #4
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    Question... when he asked you if you were gay, why were you coy about it?

    To be honest, I can’t really tell based on what you said if he’s genuinely bi and/or interested or if he’s fishing. He may have picked up on your attraction to him (and he’s clearly at least gay-friendly). I think he’s open, anyways, to hearing that you are gay.

    Some people enjoy and are flattered by the attention and attraction of others (regardless of whether they are interested romantically).

    Have you generally come out to others? If so - before jumping to conclusions on his possible interest - would that be a reasonable first step?

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  6. #5
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    I played coy because I’m afraid he’ll take it the wrong way if I said I was gay, it was in the spur moment. I am open to my immediate family, I’ve had not the best experience with my twin brother and father, so I’m not exactly ready to tell everyone. I just feel as if this kid is telling me that he’s bi, he’s trying to get me to tell him something, like you stated.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree, regardless of his orientation, he's not available. It's time to be honest with yourself. Join some LGBT groups and get on some gay dating apps. Why hide in this day and age?
    Originally Posted by Connor0827
    has a girlfriend

  8. #7
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree, regardless of his orientation, he's not available. It's time to be honest with yourself. Join some LGBT groups and get on some gay dating apps. Why hide in this day and age?
    I second this post. Look for someone who IS available. This guy is taken. Move on.


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