Suicide Attempt

Good Evening Everyone -

Hope you are well.

Last August I attempted to commit suicide and I was hospitalized. When this happened my boyfriend was on a family vacation. He spent a lot of money and ended up paying for his whole family which left him broke. When he found out that I had committed suicide, he didn't have the money to come back. But my best friend offered him the money to come back home. He didn't accept my friends help (I'm not sure why) and didn't come back home immediately. Instead he came back a week later with his family. My wounds weren't superficial and I need several stitches in my wrists and I was held for psychiatric evaluation.

I'd never expressed how much this hurt me until recently; and my friends and my mother also came forward telling me how much him not returning really bothered them too. When I confronted him about it, he says he didn't know that it was that serious to me or that he should have automatically known to come back. He even swears that I told him he didn't have to. I don't remember saying that.

I'm still getting over and dealing with my suicide attempt and this really is upsetting. Am I overreacting? Should I have had to tell him that I needed him to come home? Should I feel bad that he didn't accept my friends help to get him back home?

I'm trying to figure out what all of this means to me. I'm very hurt by it. I've lost faith and trust in him. Is something wrong with me? Am I not looking at this the right way?

Hmmmmmm, this is a thorny one.

Firstly I'm sorry you were in so much pain back then, and I hope things don't feel so bleak now.

I can absolutely see how you would be sad like this but I also feel it is important to not try and turn our partners into pacifiers. You feeling suicidal is both beyond his ability to fix and not his responsibility (you don't want to turn your partner into your nurse). My knee jerk reaction is that you may be being unfair. But then a valid question to ask is, how has the relationship been since? Do you feel loved and supported?

Do you have a psychologist on your team you at the moment? A psych would be best placed to help you work through your feelings about this. At the end of the day, we strangers online cannot say, whether you are hurt by his not returning home or not. You get to have your own limits and deal breakers and if you introspect and find that an attribute that you want in a partner is that they find a way to come home when things are going bad, he may not be the one for you (unless he has grown to be more like that over the intervening year).

You're absolutely on the right path now to be processing this thing that happened and how you feel about it, I wish you clarity.

You aren’t alone, I love you and I don’t even know who you are.

Sorry to hear this. hopefully you are continuing to get the help and support you need. Was here a correlation between your attempt and his being away? It may be best to stay away from relationships for now until you're in a more stable place. Focus on your healing. It's not your bf's fault you did this while he happened to be away.

I attempted to commit suicide and I was hospitalized. When this happened my boyfriend was on a family vacation.

Sorry you're having a hard time. But I am happy that you survived. Had your boyfriend know that you were a suicide risk before he left for vacation? How long had you 2 been together? It seems strange to me that he took it so casually.

Maybe he didn’t accept the money because of his pride. A lot of guys are like that. I could see why this would bother you, but then again if it was truly important to you and really needed him there, you shouldn’t have been afraid to ask him to please just accept the money and be there with you. Maybe he didn’t expect it to be that serious.

Are you positive you didn’t say he didn’t have to go?

How long have you been together?

Did he know you were suicidal?

Komplicated, please don't take offense to this, I suffer from depression too and have often thought about taking my life.

Fortunately I did not, sought help and doing OK now for the most part.

Anyway, reading your posts, I am wondering what troubles you most?

The issues that cause your depression, caused you to want to take your life?

OR, the fact that your bf did not respond to your suicide attempt as you hoped or expected he would?

Speaking personally, when I have been in a very depressed state, considering taking my life, I shut everyone out, including my bf.

I would not even notice that he was not being attentive, that was the LAST thing on my mind seriously. I didn't care, I did not care about anything, I was literally numb to every one and everything.

That is depression, at least it was for me, and from what I've learned for most people too, generally speaking.

So I have to wonder, and again I hope you don't take offense, but was your suicide attempt some sort of cry for help?

Did you not feel your bf was being attentive enough, caring enough, and were hoping your attempt to end your life would elicit a caring, loving response in him he had not been previously showing you?

And now that your worst fears have been realized about him, you feel even worse now than you did before your suicide attempt?

Not judging if that's the case, it's fairly common among those of us who suffer from depression and feeling like our loved ones don't understand or just don't care.

It's more a cry for help, rather than a true desire to end your life.

Not accusing you of anything, just asking. I think the distinction is important on your road to recovery.

That said, I am so happy you survived, and regardless of what happens with your bf, I hope you are getting the proper help, and feel better soon!!