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Thread: Emotional affair with co worker?

  1. #11
    Thanks everyone for your feedback. It helps not to stay alone with this. To answer a few questions, here are some specifications:

    When we were seeing each other as friends and he was in a relationship, there was never any flirting of physical cheating. I felt we were both growing close and some coworkers told me they thought he liked me (we used to work together). The day we kissed we were very drunk and about 3 hours after he had broken up with his girlfriend. This made me feel uneasy for sure and I discussed it with him. Why didnít you end your relationship before if you were so unhappy? And why werenít you honest with her when she was telling you she had an off feeling? (She was not confortable with our friendship and he made her feel as if she was the one who was jealous and not trusting). The conversation we had reassured me, and I knew he never flirted and ended his relationship right when something happened with me. That made me decide to stay with him. But you are right, I guess he hasnít changed and I should have known better I guess.

    Also, for those who were wondering what this issues in our relationships are...

    We started to have a lot of issues after a few months into the relationship, when I would feel bad (for whatever reason). That would make my boyfriend react and he would start getting cold and impatient. We started therapy together (I know itís early) and it so turns out that he had a mother and an ex girlfriend who got really depressed at some point (suicidal, etc).. He has a lot of guilt issues as he feels like he had to ďsaveĒ them (and now me). Him feeling this way actually makes him cold, impatient, he falls asleep as he talks to me, and sometimes I find he even becomes mean to me. He gets provocative and passive aggressive. So when I am at my most vulnerable, I feel rejected, hurt and attacked by my boyfriend. Not always, but most of the time. When I react to that, he just says that I have to take care of myself, that if he canít be present he just canít and that Iím my own responsibility. That I canít expect to find the solution to my suffering in the relationship.

    He is also quite impulsive at times and inattentive (he has ADHD) and he often ends up saying things that are hurtful, even if it is not intentional. Him retracting after he said or did something hurtful makes me feel rejected, abandonned, and I react most often by crying and trying to explain how it makes me feel. He most often closes himself even more. He says sorry in a very cold and superficial way, sometimes without even looking at me. And that makes me feel hurt .... and there is the usual destructive pattern that never ends ....

  2. #12
    Last week, he said he didnít know if he wanted to keep going. He doesnít touch me since and he is very distant. I canít stand this situation anymore and yet I canít seem to be able to leave him. I still love him and He as a daughter and we have grown very close. I love her so much and if I loose him, I loose her. Itís heartbreaking.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    What you just described is an emotionally abusive relationship and he IS abusing you. Btw, what he did with you was cheat. It's called emotional cheating and just because he didn't physically touch you until after ending his previous relationship, doesn't make it any less cheating. Cheating is actually a form of abuse and yes, what he did with you is exactly what he is doing to you. Given all the other issues in the relationship, stop worrying about this other girl and dump him for your own sake, sanity, and well being. I would bet money that your depression will lift after he is gone. It's difficult to feel safe and balance when you have a partner who is deliberately keeping unsafe and off balance and is actively abusing you mentally and emotionally. Getting involved with this guys was a bad decision all around, fortunately it's a decision you can change, send him packing, and gain your life back.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    This girl is the least of your concerns. This relationship is not working and he just has too many issues. Also, he's a monkey brancher. He emotionally cheated on his ex girlfriend with you and monkey branched to you right after. He's probably checking out while he gets this co-worker or another woman in line to monkey branch to her. Past behaviour is a great predictor of future behaviour. This is not the type of man to have a stable, mutually respectful relationship with. If that's what you want then I'd lose this guy and aim for someone better.


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