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Thread: GF uninvited me to a party

  1. #1

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    GF uninvited me to a party

    I've been with my GF for about 8 months now. We're in our mid 20s.

    She invited me to a party at her friends in DC a few weeks ago. I recommended that we'd rent a car and get a hotel for a one night stay since I don't really know the her friend and Amtrak tickets are expensive. (Renting a car would cost me 50 dollars per day and the hotel would've been 80 dollars a night). I said we can split but she started to say how she didn't feel like going anymore and that we should save up on our mini vacation we're planning next month. She also said she didn't like her friend's friend that was hosting the party so she doesn't want to go. Fast forward to today, she asked if I wanted to stay with her at her friends place at DC for that night but since I don't really know her, i declined and said I rather stay a a hotel near her place. So she said she wanted to go by herself and said "Well originally it was just supposed to be me going, and then it became expensive" as in me recommending the rent a car and hotel.

    I don't know if i should be upset about this or not.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    To completely changed the scope of her event.

    So she invited you,
    You changed everything,
    She went back to the original invite.

    I see no reason to be upset.

  3. #3
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    I don't see why you are upset either.

  4. #4
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    I agree with you on hotel and transportation, but you didn't get uninvited. You ducked out because you didn't want to stay at the friend's place. You also changed the scope of the visit. It's okay to be upset, but chalk this up to things not really working out. Do you think she would have gone with it if you had offered to pay for both or at least the hotel? I have no idea what an Amtrack ticket might cost, but if it's more than the hotel and rentacar, I'm sorry she didn't like the idea. I'd rather have a hotel over sleeping with strangers, but if you two are going to stay together, this is only the first time this situation will present itself, whether it be parents or friends. You're going to have to get used to a little cohabitation with strangers or people you're less comfortable with. This is where having your own transportation is especially useful because you can leave the house and not rely on others and get some space.

    For her, she had a plan and taking you changes it...a lot more than she expected. She would have to worry about you and your needs, which can be stressful in a fairly new relationship, in addition to not being able to hang at home and do things she used to do with her girlfriends. Give her some space to maneuver around this. Try to consider a situation where you yourself wouldn't mind her along, but are also a little fearful of how different it will be. I'd say this is a normal response and hopefully next time, perhaps after your little trip, it will seem easier to blend in this way with other people and you will be able to better maneuver around changes in expectations.

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  6. #5
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    I think you are being a little selfish?

    The purpose of the trip isnít to visit DC or go to a party. The purpose of the trip is for her to spend time with her friend. She wants to go be with her friend, stay at her house, chat all night, have breakfast together, etc. The activity that they will do is go to a party - but the party is really just an excuse to get together. She has offered to include you in all that.

    By asking to stay in a hotel, you are kind of changing the focus. You are taking something that is supposed to be about her and her friend and making it about you. It changes the whole dynamic.

    The trip on offer is to stay at her friendís. If you donít want to do that, itís fine, but itís YOU that is saying ďnoĒ to whatís on offer.

    This is a weird analogy... but if you go to a chicken place and order a steak - itís not that they donít want to serve you a meal, itís that steak (while lovely) is not whatís on offer.

    I donít think sheís uninviting you at all. Sheís recognizing that you arenít into whatís on offer - so sheís giving you an ďoutĒ - but she still wants to go.

    I think her response is perfectly reasonable.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You tried to completely rearrange her plans and invitation and make her pay for 1/2 of it. Why should she bear the unnecessary expense (in her mind) to do what you want and everything your way? If an invitation doesn't suit you, you decline, you don't rewrite the whole script to the tune of someone paying for 1/2 of everything.
    Originally Posted by Joikoi
    I recommended that we'd rent a car and get a hotel for a one night stay . I said we can split but she started to say how she didn't feel like going anymore

    So she said she wanted to go by herself and said "Well originally it was just supposed to be me going, and then it became expensive"

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    She was invited to stay at a friend's place, but when she invited you, you changed her plan and added expenses. She nixed that, re-invited you to participate in her original plan, you declined, so she's doing her original plan.

    I see nothing unreasonable about that.

  9. #8
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    She wanted to stay with her friend, and you declined the offer. If you had wanted her to take the trip on YOUR terms - which you did - you shouldn't be expecting her to pay for it. Apart from which, she probably wanted to spend some time with her friend, and if you want this relationship to go anywhere, you should be taking time to get to know her friends, too. She didn't uninvite you. You declined because she didn't want to do HER trip, to see HER friend, on YOUR terms. That's your prerogative, but I don't see that she's doing anything unreasonable.

    I'd have done exactly the same in her situation.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Lady just wanted to crash at her friend's place and enjoy celebrating. Why would or should she chip in for half your expenses when she's already got a good deal you simply don't want any part of? Don't be so goofy.

  11. #10
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    OP, have you ever been the third wheel to a girlfriends weekend? You've dodged a bullet by not going.

    In the future, don't be so clingy and don't think that an offer to pay half the price of your clinginess looks good.

    Just be glad you don't have to be there and she gets to have her friend time.


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