she just came back?

im in a total state of shock... my ex just turned up begging me back... 6 months after she told me she didnt want me anymore... been NC since december

she told me she was seeing someone else! i knew it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so full of emotion right now.

I wasnt very nice in how i spoke, but i was full of rage and kicked her out

im just speechless

I'm really really glad for you! But please (I'm speaking from my experience), be careful. I know that this looks like a dream come true, but just be careful.

Don’t make a decision until you have a clear head. I wouldn’t do anything I’d regret later.

There’s no going back. She went with someone else which I knew in my gut she was seeing someone else. Now I gues it hasnt worked out and she’s trying to worm her way back in.

As much as it hurts there’s just no way back. Im gutted deep down but I have to show myself respect

There’s no going back. She went with someone else which I knew in my gut she was seeing someone else. Now I gues it hasnt worked out and she’s trying to worm her way back in.

 

As much as it hurts there’s just no way back. Im gutted deep down but I have to show myself respect

I'm so glad you realize that!

You do not want to be her "Plan B" when the prior fling does not work out. Nor do you want to be a fall-back or bridge until she finds someone new.

If she contacts you again, just say "Nope. I've moved on." And then cut all contact.

It may have reopened your wounds, but this will actually help your healing in the long run.

James! I remember you from your other thread, 'I Don't Learn.' Well - you've just proved you DO learn, and that is great news, because you aren't going to go through this ever again and you've shown her what's what.

My boyfriend pulled this trick on me several times...I still find it breathtaking that 'they'(!) have the nerve to do this! The ego...the arrogance! The complete lack of moral integrity!

You're SO well rid...keep your chin up.

While I agree with these and you.

Be emotionally honest for your own wellbeing.

The shock of all this combined with the ego boost has given you the ability to be indignant towards her but there’s no guarantee that feeling will last. It might but you might also, when the fog clears, be back to the despair you were in.

I’m not saying take her back or anything, I’m just saying go through your emotions naturally and don’t say or do anything rash, like ‘speaking to her full of rage’ , until your head is clear.

You aren’t the first guy to be left for someone else and you won’t be the last and you aren’t the first to have an ex crawl back when the grass isn’t greener, how you react is what’s unique, act in a manner that allows you to hold your head high, now is not revenge time. Believe it or not you are still on the same exact path of healing you just had your fears confirmed, that’s a lot to take in.

There’s no going back. She went with someone else which I knew in my gut she was seeing someone else. Now I gues it hasnt worked out and she’s trying to worm her way back in.

 

As much as it hurts there’s just no way back. Im gutted deep down but I have to show myself respect

Is this this lady:

Was with my ex for 4 years... every 9 months she would just break it off and then i never heard from her again for a few months

Have you heard of Einstein's definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

So your first reaction sounds reasonable to me. I also suspect you'll hear from her again.

In case you think differently when the shock wears off, consider not doing the same thing over again in the same old way.

It is possible to maintain your self respect, and to consider the idea of having a new* relationship with her.

How long ago did her other relationship end?

You don't want to end up being a rebound, or her thinking she is coming back on the old terms. I think you said she split from you 6 months ago. If so, and she split with the other guy recently, then tell her to talk to you in three months time.

She has to earn your trust back. If she runs off with some other fellow in the meantime... that would nail the lid on the coffin for me.

She should also try and show you that she has learned from her past choices and bettered herself.

She may have already noticed that you used your NC period to better yourself (I recollect you were hitting the gym).

You can't change people, but she can choose to own her poor behavior and improve herself.

[* new in the sense that while it has you two in it, you have both improved yourselves, and this new relationship has different rules - that do not include her flipping in and out of it and expecting you to take her back.]

Good job. Why would you want to reconcile with someone who has demo'd the disloyalty of dumping you for someone else? That would just be a miserable eggshell walk waiting for her to meet the next guy she likes enough to dump you for.

Head high.

Wow. Good for you. You are learning your own self-worth and value yourself. That is inspirational and impressive. Even 2 years and a new wife later, I would struggle trying to turn down my toxic ex. You are doing amazing. This cannot be easy on your emotions.

6 months of NC! Good for you! She came back to you...that's the key. Sounds like you're resolved in your decision to stick to YOUR healing. I cannot say i'd do the same in your position. This post has given me a little strength to keep going in my own healing. Carry on OP! I think she is definitely feeling alone and looking to you to fill the void of her failed overlap relationship. I'm personally not against SOUND reconciliation though.

Like others have mentioned, be careful.

guys thank you for your replies, it really means a lot that there are people out there helping each other.

i am not going back now... maybe i would have wobbled but the fact she went with someone else - despite lying to me when i asked her before i started NC... theres just no going back from that

its obvious to me he used her to get his leg over - she dropped me for him and i guess once he got what he wanted, he bolted... now she wants to worm her way back in to my life... what kind of person does that?!!!

she gambled and it didnt pay off. thats tough luck (feel slightly smug)

If you ever get the urge to call her or say to yourself why not give it a shot, go back and re read your posts. What she is doing is no different from what she has been doing the last 4+ years. She has gotten what she wanted when she wanted it and she dictated everything. Then you had to be the one to break down and chase her. It was a cycle that you hated Im sure. You probably asked yourself why do you have to do this? Why are you doing this and hating yourself for doing it.

Now she is trying to call the shots again by saying I miss you and I want you back. No she doesn't want YOU back, she wants her safety net back. She wants her nice warm blanket to comfort her, tell her nice things, boost up her ego until she is strong enough to go out and find someone else.

Im happy that you finally saw that it was time to get off of that carrousel. I hope that you have thought this thru and told yourself that letting her go is the best thing you could do for yourself. I think your X is just selfish enough to try to make another attempt and try to push your buttons or tug on your heart strings and I hope you resist and know that she is not saying things because she really wants you back, she is saying things to feel a win. Good for you for standing up for yourself.