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My family still keeps in contact with my cheating EX girlfriend and EX friend ??


Hatefulone82

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Has anyone ever neen in this situation ??

 

Your family still contacts your cheating EX friends or EX partners ??

 

My high school gf cheated on me with one of my best friends who my parents always adored from childhood.

 

I dumped her and stopped being friends with him as well. They empathetic about my stiuation for a few months then eventually started reaching out to him again lately and sometimes my ex too.

 

Im 20 and is trying to get a iob that pays enough to move out m

 

Ive been in arguments with them about it.

 

How would you go about this ??

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Hi,

 

I think your family is being very insensitive to your plight, it must hurt like hell to be betrayed by your exgf AND your friend...and now by your family.

Try to let things calm down for a few days and perhaps you could do one more attempt to talk to your family how you are feeling betrayed by them too. Tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have you back and support you in tough times, not to go and side with people who hurt you. Be calm and collected, do not start arguments.

If they refuse to hear you, then you can check if you could temporarily move in with another family member. Or else, if you have to stay in the house, ignore your parents as much as possible and search for work, so that you could be out of the house and on your two feet.

 

I do understand how you feel, it is a tough spot to be in.

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Hi,

 

I think your family is being very insensitive to your plight, it must hurt like hell to be betrayed by your exgf AND your friend...and now by your family.

Try to let things calm down for a few days and perhaps you could do one more attempt to talk to your family how you are feeling betrayed by them too. Tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have you back and support you in tough times, not to go and side with people who hurt you. Be calm and collected, do not start arguments.

If they refuse to hear you, then you can check if you could temporarily move in with another family member. Or else, if you have to stay in the house, ignore your parents as much as possible and search for work, so that you could be out of the house and on your two feet.

 

I do understand how you feel, it is a tough spot to be in.

 

I do agree.

 

How would you react ??

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Originally Posted by East4

 

Hi,

 

I think your family is being very insensitive to your plight, it must hurt like hell to be betrayed by your exgf AND your friend...and now by your family.

Try to let things calm down for a few days and perhaps you could do one more attempt to talk to your family how you are feeling betrayed by them too. Tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have you back and support you in tough times, not to go and side with people who hurt you. Be calm and collected, do not start arguments.

If they refuse to hear you, then you can check if you could temporarily move in with another family member. Or else, if you have to stay in the house, ignore your parents as much as possible and search for work, so that you could be out of the house and on your two feet.

 

I do understand how you feel, it is a tough spot to be in.

 

I do agree.

 

How would you react ??

 

Well, before I answer your question, just to say that my son will turn 20 next month, so age-wise I'm more óf your parents' generation (im 44). Which means that you have to take my advice and adapt it to how you feel about things.

 

First of all I'd like to commend your maturity for being willing to communicate on this issue with your parents. Normally, it is the parents to approach their child, becaused they are supposed to be the more mature party. There are situations in which the roles are reversed and the child demonstaretes more maturity and common sense than their parent. This is especially true during the dynamic adolescence/young addulthood age when parents still think that they know better what is good for their grown-up son/daughter; they fail to understand that their child is a grown up adult in their own right, with their own opinions, preferences and freedom to implement their own decisions. It has been a few years for me to learn (and still work in progress) to regard my son as an independant adult and respect the decisions he makes for himself, even if I do not always agree with what he does. It is hard for parents who used to decide all the time what is good for their child, to suddenly release their authority and behave on an equal footing with their grown-up child. During this time it is up to the grown-up son/daughter to claim their status as an adult, and very often this process is accompanied by serious clashes between parents and children. This is normal and although it is painful for both parties, it is absolutely a part of the transitioning from boy-to- man and girl-to-woman. I'm very worried for young people who never revolted against their parents' authority, because either they never grew up, or the parents had no authority. Both are bad.

 

I'm writing this intro, just so you know that most probably your parents are still not used with you being a grown-up and in their mind enough time has passed from the break-up of , what they see as puppy-love relationship, for you to get over it. SO now they can resume to what works FOR THEM. Their behavior is selfish and it also shows lack a respect for you as an individual. What you should do could be summed up by the verb REVOLT. But you have to revolt in an intelligent way, so that you do not put yourself in danger (no runaway please), or somehow screw up your future. So, you will have to revolt, but also give your parents one more chance to correct their behavior towards you. In practical terms I'd suggest the following line of action:

 

1. Write your parents a letter, the best would be e-mail. Written communication is better because you can explain yourself in calm manner and without being interrupted, or otherwise frustrated. Also for your parents it will be good to re-read a few times your communication and reflect on it. You have already tried to talk to your parents and it turned into a fight. So, no more talks. Sit somewhere in peace and quiet with your laptop and draft a short, no more than one A4 letter of a few paragraphs;

 

2. Avoid accusing and insulting your parents, although you may wish to do so. Focus ONLY on how their actions make you feel betrayed. As I said in my previous post, tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have your back and support you in tough times, not to side with the people who hurt you deeply. Remind them that their allegance lies with you as their son, not with the people who betrayed and hurt their son. Explain them that from your point of view their friendship with your former friend looks like the ultimate betrayal and the worst one, compared to being betrayed by your exgf and your former friend.

 

3. Tell them that you love and respect them as parents and you need them to support you in this difficult moment by cutting contact with your exgf and former friend.

 

4. Let them know that if they continue socialising with these people who hurt you, this will destroy the son-parents relationship, not because it is something that you want, but because you would not be able to trust them that they are in your camp; this should suffice to convey your point;

 

5. If your letter is disregarded, then you should ignore your parents; when you get back home, go straight to your room; do not eat dinner with them; answer with one-two words when they ask a question; do not go to these gatherings where your former friend is invited; show them that they could be loosing you;

 

6. Find an alternative living arrangement with a friend or a family member and move out from your parents' house;

 

7. Find a job to support yourself so that you quit being financially dependent on your parents.

 

 

One more time, I could totally understand how hard it is to deal with yur parents' selfish choices, on top of what happened between your former friend and exgf.

Link to comment
Well, before I answer your question, just to say that my son will turn 20 next month, so age-wise I'm more óf your parents' generation (im 44). Which means that you have to take my advice and adapt it to how you feel about things.

 

First of all I'd like to commend your maturity for being willing to communicate on this issue with your parents. Normally, it is the parents to approach their child, becaused they are supposed to be the more mature party. There are situations in which the roles are reversed and the child demonstaretes more maturity and common sense than their parent. This is especially true during the dynamic adolescence/young addulthood age when parents still think that they know better what is good for their grown-up son/daughter; they fail to understand that their child is a grown up adult in their own right, with their own opinions, preferences and freedom to implement their own decisions. It has been a few years for me to learn (and still work in progress) to regard my son as an independant adult and respect the decisions he makes for himself, even if I do not always agree with what he does. It is hard for parents who used to decide all the time what is good for their child, to suddenly release their authority and behave on an equal footing with their grown-up child. During this time it is up to the grown-up son/daughter to claim their status as an adult, and very often this process is accompanied by serious clashes between parents and children. This is normal and although it is painful for both parties, it is absolutely a part of the transitioning from boy-to- man and girl-to-woman. I'm very worried for young people who never revolted against their parents' authority, because either they never grew up, or the parents had no authority. Both are bad.

 

I'm writing this intro, just so you know that most probably your parents are still not used with you being a grown-up and in their mind enough time has passed from the break-up of , what they see as puppy-love relationship, for you to get over it. SO now they can resume to what works FOR THEM. Their behavior is selfish and it also shows lack a respect for you as an individual. What you should do could be summed up by the verb REVOLT. But you have to revolt in an intelligent way, so that you do not put yourself in danger (no runaway please), or somehow screw up your future. So, you will have to revolt, but also give your parents one more chance to correct their behavior towards you. In practical terms I'd suggest the following line of action:

 

1. Write your parents a letter, the best would be e-mail. Written communication is better because you can explain yourself in calm manner and without being interrupted, or otherwise frustrated. Also for your parents it will be good to re-read a few times your communication and reflect on it. You have already tried to talk to your parents and it turned into a fight. So, no more talks. Sit somewhere in peace and quiet with your laptop and draft a short, no more than one A4 letter of a few paragraphs;

 

2. Avoid accusing and insulting your parents, although you may wish to do so. Focus ONLY on how their actions make you feel betrayed. As I said in my previous post, tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have your back and support you in tough times, not to side with the people who hurt you deeply. Remind them that their allegance lies with you as their son, not with the people who betrayed and hurt their son. Explain them that from your point of view their friendship with your former friend looks like the ultimate betrayal and the worst one, compared to being betrayed by your exgf and your former friend.

 

3. Tell them that you love and respect them as parents and you need them to support you in this difficult moment by cutting contact with your exgf and former friend.

 

4. Let them know that if they continue socialising with these people who hurt you, this will destroy the son-parents relationship, not because it is something that you want, but because you would not be able to trust them that they are in your camp; this should suffice to convey your point;

 

5. If your letter is disregarded, then you should ignore your parents; when you get back home, go straight to your room; do not eat dinner with them; answer with one-two words when they ask a question; do not go to these gatherings where your former friend is invited; show them that they could be loosing you;

 

6. Find an alternative living arrangement with a friend or a family member and move out from your parents' house;

 

7. Find a job to support yourself so that you quit being financially dependent on your parents.

 

 

One more time, I could totally understand how hard it is to deal with yur parents' selfish choices, on top of what happened between your former friend and exgf.

 

Thank you so much. I agree

Link to comment
Well, before I answer your question, just to say that my son will turn 20 next month, so age-wise I'm more óf your parents' generation (im 44). Which means that you have to take my advice and adapt it to how you feel about things.

 

First of all I'd like to commend your maturity for being willing to communicate on this issue with your parents. Normally, it is the parents to approach their child, becaused they are supposed to be the more mature party. There are situations in which the roles are reversed and the child demonstaretes more maturity and common sense than their parent. This is especially true during the dynamic adolescence/young addulthood age when parents still think that they know better what is good for their grown-up son/daughter; they fail to understand that their child is a grown up adult in their own right, with their own opinions, preferences and freedom to implement their own decisions. It has been a few years for me to learn (and still work in progress) to regard my son as an independant adult and respect the decisions he makes for himself, even if I do not always agree with what he does. It is hard for parents who used to decide all the time what is good for their child, to suddenly release their authority and behave on an equal footing with their grown-up child. During this time it is up to the grown-up son/daughter to claim their status as an adult, and very often this process is accompanied by serious clashes between parents and children. This is normal and although it is painful for both parties, it is absolutely a part of the transitioning from boy-to- man and girl-to-woman. I'm very worried for young people who never revolted against their parents' authority, because either they never grew up, or the parents had no authority. Both are bad.

 

I'm writing this intro, just so you know that most probably your parents are still not used with you being a grown-up and in their mind enough time has passed from the break-up of , what they see as puppy-love relationship, for you to get over it. SO now they can resume to what works FOR THEM. Their behavior is selfish and it also shows lack a respect for you as an individual. What you should do could be summed up by the verb REVOLT. But you have to revolt in an intelligent way, so that you do not put yourself in danger (no runaway please), or somehow screw up your future. So, you will have to revolt, but also give your parents one more chance to correct their behavior towards you. In practical terms I'd suggest the following line of action:

 

1. Write your parents a letter, the best would be e-mail. Written communication is better because you can explain yourself in calm manner and without being interrupted, or otherwise frustrated. Also for your parents it will be good to re-read a few times your communication and reflect on it. You have already tried to talk to your parents and it turned into a fight. So, no more talks. Sit somewhere in peace and quiet with your laptop and draft a short, no more than one A4 letter of a few paragraphs;

 

2. Avoid accusing and insulting your parents, although you may wish to do so. Focus ONLY on how their actions make you feel betrayed. As I said in my previous post, tell them that you feel disappointed by them, because family is there to have your back and support you in tough times, not to side with the people who hurt you deeply. Remind them that their allegance lies with you as their son, not with the people who betrayed and hurt their son. Explain them that from your point of view their friendship with your former friend looks like the ultimate betrayal and the worst one, compared to being betrayed by your exgf and your former friend.

 

3. Tell them that you love and respect them as parents and you need them to support you in this difficult moment by cutting contact with your exgf and former friend.

 

4. Let them know that if they continue socialising with these people who hurt you, this will destroy the son-parents relationship, not because it is something that you want, but because you would not be able to trust them that they are in your camp; this should suffice to convey your point;

 

5. If your letter is disregarded, then you should ignore your parents; when you get back home, go straight to your room; do not eat dinner with them; answer with one-two words when they ask a question; do not go to these gatherings where your former friend is invited; show them that they could be loosing you;

 

6. Find an alternative living arrangement with a friend or a family member and move out from your parents' house;

 

7. Find a job to support yourself so that you quit being financially dependent on your parents.

 

 

One more time, I could totally understand how hard it is to deal with yur parents' selfish choices, on top of what happened between your former friend and exgf.

 

Great advice!

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