Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 54

Thread: Did My Mom Commit Suicide?

  1. #1
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,706

    Did My Mom Commit Suicide?

    Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014.

    My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought.

    A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer.

    Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation.

    She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, so asked the doctors to disconnect the tube. She also wanted to be with her sister, my aunt, who had died five years earlier, from cancer.

    After they disconnected the feeding tube, my dear mum died around a week later.

    I'm tearing now writing this, I'm not sure how to process this.

    Would this be considered a form of suicide?

    I just feel so bad learning this now, almost five years later, my brother assumed I already knew.

    My mom and I had our issues, but now I just want to give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry she was in so much pain (physical and emotional) and tell her I love her; tbh I did not do much of that while she was alive.

    I often feel like dying myself sometimes hoping to embrace both my mom and dad again.

    Any words of support would be helpful, thnx for listening. :)
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-24-2019 at 03:43 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,196
    Gender
    Female
    , but now I just want to give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry she was in so much pain (physical and emotional) and tell her I love her;
    Then tell her, Katrina. Embrace the essence of her, say what you want to her and just let any other 'noise' going on in your head go. Your parents wouldn't want you to embrace them in person before your time. Love is like that, we want the best for those we love and a full and long life would be part of wanting the best for you.

    ((( hugs )))

    P.S. I don't think it was suicide. It was just allowing the inevitable to take place more naturally is all.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    19,753
    I am so sorry. I too, lost my brother from lung cancer.

    Your mother did not commit suicide. She had had enough of the pain and had decided to let go. She did what was best, as she was terminal. She went naturally.

    I wish that my brother had passed earlier, as he was in agony.

    A big hug to you.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 02-24-2019 at 04:18 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2,678
    This was not suicide, but more of a self-inflicted euthanasia. She made the right decision for her.

    I lost my mom a few weeks ago, so believe me when I say I understand your thoughts. I keep thinking, well at least my mom was never in pain, as by the time she passed, she had been intubated and on loads of IV pain meds. She never felt a thing, so for that, I'm grateful. I say that because if your mom was in pain, I'm sure you completely understand.

    Are you upset that you are just now finding this out, that your brother thought you knew this all along? As in, now that it's a truth, do you feel it would have been easier to have dealt with, had you known all along?

    Do you think maybe your mom didn't want you to know this truth, as she wanted to protect you from her pain?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,428
    If your mum would have died without her feeding tubes then her life had already been prolonged beyond her natural life expectancy with this terminal illness.

    Without medical intervention your mum would have died much sooner correct? Your mum essentially rejected the intervention to prolong her life (and suffering). This wasn't suicide. No doubt it will still be difficult to process. She isn't suffering now xx

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,336
    Gender
    Female
    Your mother absolutely died of cancer!
    Your brother is a bit insensitive for trying to imply she did herself in.
    If your mother did not have an advanced stage of cancer where death was imminent, she would not need a feeding tube.
    She simply decided to no longer have medical intervention.
    If she could not eat even a simply broth by herself (even assisted with someone holding the spoon for her) - your mom died of cancer.
    There was no suicide here. Your mom did not have herself euthanized.

    It could also be that your mom didn't call a meeting and say "doctor, take this tube out! i want to die' They could have had to take it out or adjust it and she could have weakly said "no more, no more."

    There is a stage of dying where things that normally would help a person actuallydo the opposite when one's body is in the last stages of shutting down.

    Honestly, to me it sounds like your brother wants controversy or a "gotcha" moment. It serves no purpose.

    yes, your mom ACTUALLY died of cancer.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    3,847
    I think this may fall under doctor assisted suicide, but I donít think it falls under true suicide.

    If you put down a dog who was in great pain would you consider it murder of an animal?

    I donít, even though it may technically be. Agreed with the other posters - she made a choice to not delay the inevitable and not extend her suffering g.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,422
    Gender
    Female
    I am very sorry about your mom. No, she did not commit suicide. She exercised her right to die with dignity at a time where her quality of life had diminished with no hope of coming back. We live in a day and age where technology provides the means to artificially prolong a person's life sometimes to the point of obliterating the quality of that life. Feeding tubes, mechanical ventilators and medications that artificially keep up one's blood pressure sometimes end up keeping the body running long past its expiration date, which is futile and only prolongs that person's suffering instead of improving their life.

    It sounds like you are feeling guilty. Yet, you did the best you could under the circumstances. Losing both parents in such a short time sounds devastating. I am very sorry. Whatever you felt (or didn't feel) at the time was valid. Denial is part of grieving so you should not feel guilty about it should you experienced detachment at the time. Grief is a complicated process and there is no right or wrong way to it. All your feelings were and are valid.

    In addition, beliefs about the afterlife can differ for everyone. I believe that your mom and dad are now your guardian angels and they are watching over you, free of pain and suffering. They can hear you and they know how much you loved them. I wish you all the best.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,336
    Gender
    Female
    btw, did your BROTHER say she died of starvation of the hospital? if someone does not have a feeding tube, the hospital may respect their wishes not to have one, but they will have an IV with some nutrients in it. They will not stand by and let someone lay there and just starve to death.She would have lived longer than a week if the cause was simply food

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,336
    Gender
    Female
    Or you could say "complications of cancer".

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •