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Thread: I am 4 months pregnant and my boyrfriend has not told his sons mother.

  1. #11
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    I am also working 3 jobs(mostly college tutoring, online and offline and finishing my semester strong, doing anything possible to be able to stay home first months by having money saved for myself and my child and my bills.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    What about your family? Are they supportive and able to be there for you through out this pregnancy?

    There's no rush to move in together. You barely know each other. And yes, he has to figure out his end and responsibilities with his son and ex before introducing you to the mix. That will only add extra stress for everybody if it is rushed.

  3. #13
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    Well they were upset but they want me to finish school and are supportive.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where do you live now? Who supports you at this time? Why not stay with your parents until the first few months and get help with your pregnancy, newborn, medical problems, etc.

    Your bf is irresponsible and more talk than actions or realistic planning. He had his first kid at 17 and already split from the mother? How is he going to support you, 2 kids and your dream of medical school? That house is for him, his brother and his kid. You're not married, it will never be your home. You are nothing but a well kept secret at this point. He's not being honest with you.
    Originally Posted by Gianna2345
    Well they were upset but they want me to finish school and are supportive.

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  6. #15
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    If you are epilpetic your pregancy has high risk. Have you seen your specialist to determine what to do about your medication during pregnancy so baby won't be harmed? I would not move in.
    Here is why:

    1) you will feel trapped. You should live with your parents who can take care of baby and you should your condition take a turn. If you live with him, you will be beholden to him and trapped. I don't know - most people i know who had seizures did not have a driver's license. The only one i knew that did had to be seizure free for over a year or more to drive.

    2) he doesn't value you. If he valued you, he would want everyone to know you were together.

    3) he doesn't care about his existing kid. Because if he did, he would consider the kid's well being and be age approrpriate honest.

    4) the brother -- living with two adult men and a kid you are not related to. you are outnumbered, girl.

    Stay with your folks, go to an attorney and draw up a child support agreement and establish your rights for primary cus

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If you are epilpetic your pregancy has high risk. Have you seen your specialist to determine what to do about your medication during pregnancy so baby won't be harmed? I would not move in.
    Here is why:

    1) you will feel trapped. You should live with your parents who can take care of baby and you should your condition take a turn. If you live with him, you will be beholden to him and trapped. I don't know - most people i know who had seizures did not have a driver's license. The only one i knew that did had to be seizure free for over a year or more to drive.

    2) he doesn't value you. If he valued you, he would want everyone to know you were together.

    3) he doesn't care about his existing kid. Because if he did, he would consider the kid's well being and be age approrpriate honest.

    4) the brother -- living with two adult men and a kid you are not related to. you are outnumbered, girl.

    Stay with your folks, go to an attorney and draw up a child support agreement and establish your rights for primary cus


    Thank you I appreciate all your advice, I feel if i bring this up he will blow up and i hagte fighting right now, I avoid anything thatll make me emotionally unstable. I think i will be with my parents for a few they are very supportive. I just dont understand how he plans it like it will be easy he is more talk and i am more relaistic, he works a great paying job and has offered to help me whenever possible and he wants me to move in so he can help me with lack of sleep when they baby is born, he has some good intentions but i understand i need to be completely logical about this, and I told him about telling his sons mother and he said" ill tell her tomorrow when i drop him off, if its bothering you i will tell her i didnt realize it was bothering you". I just let him know if he wants a family he needs to get things in order but i dont pressure him i just ask him to be logical about it and tell him i dont want to disturb or create a drastic change for his son in a short time.

  8. #17
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    any who thank you everyone i will figure it out and am thankful for all your advice!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If you are epilpetic your pregancy has high risk. Have you seen your specialist to determine what to do about your medication during pregnancy so baby won't be harmed? I would not move in.
    Here is why:

    1) you will feel trapped. You should live with your parents who can take care of baby and you should your condition take a turn. If you live with him, you will be beholden to him and trapped. I don't know - most people i know who had seizures did not have a driver's license. The only one i knew that did had to be seizure free for over a year or more to drive.

    2) he doesn't value you. If he valued you, he would want everyone to know you were together.

    3) he doesn't care about his existing kid. Because if he did, he would consider the kid's well being and be age approrpriate honest.

    4) the brother -- living with two adult men and a kid you are not related to. you are outnumbered, girl.

    Stay with your folks, go to an attorney and draw up a child support agreement and establish your rights for primary cus
    This. Presuming your parents can help (maybe you've said as much). This this this.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gianna2345
    Thank you I appreciate all your advice, I feel if i bring this up he will blow up and i hagte fighting right now, I avoid anything thatll make me emotionally unstable. I think i will be with my parents for a few they are very supportive. I just dont understand how he plans it like it will be easy he is more talk and i am more relaistic, he works a great paying job and has offered to help me whenever possible and he wants me to move in so he can help me with lack of sleep when they baby is born, he has some good intentions but i understand i need to be completely logical about this, and I told him about telling his sons mother and he said" ill tell her tomorrow when i drop him off, if its bothering you i will tell her i didnt realize it was bothering you". I just let him know if he wants a family he needs to get things in order but i dont pressure him i just ask him to be logical about it and tell him i dont want to disturb or create a drastic change for his son in a short time.
    "he will blow up" and so therefore you are making a life changing decision to be even further subject to his authority? Does that sound smart? I can't recommend you live anywhere such that you are avoiding speaking up for yourself.

    Please do what's best for you. If he loses his temper, say in your calmest voice, We can talk later if you like, but you should know my mind is clear. There is nothing to fight about.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gianna2345
    I feel extremely uncomfortable when he compares my pregnancy to hers, or tells me she only breastfed one month. I have a neuro team and high risk obstetrician and have barely started to cotrol my seizures as my dosage decreased drastically. It hurts me as It makes me feel unfit already and sad i cant have a normal pregnancy.I don't mind if we are together our baby can have a family i do love him, because hes been there with me at the hospital every complication so you grow to care for someone. I however have seeked legal advice as well just in case, I am prepared and am aware my child will have a great dad and coparenting to the best of our abilities is a must. I do not want to hold him down because of a baby, I believe no baby holds any one down. I am just scared, confused, and extremely overhwelmed. On an added note, I never wanted kids because I believed my career was more important and i also have epilepsy with history of brain tumors, but I will not rid of the product d of my actions, I am an adult and I take full responsibility. I just need a way to manage this in a proper manner without stressing mself,creating a fight, and induce a seizure.
    First off ((hugs)) youíre going to be ok.

    Second everything youíre thinking and analyzing at least to me is perfectly normal given the circumstance.

    Scared, confused, overwhelmed - not the mindset to have before moving in with a man.

    Stick with your support system for now, settle things, communicate and get on the same page. Right now with a high risk pregnancy the last thing you need ia more stress.

    I wish you luck

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