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Thread: My uncle is very overprotective towards my cousin

  1. #1

    My uncle is very overprotective towards my cousin

    My cousin is a 19 year-old college student that lives with her parents.

    She confides in me and explains that she feels her father (my uncle) doesn't trust her enough. This makes her feel bad and she wishes he would let go of his guard a bit. He gave the guy she's currently dating a super hard time and bombarded him with questions as if he were some cop, before finally letting them leave.
    He gets worried every single time my cousin has to step out and it's night and she's not back, even though she always informs when she's on her way home.

    Well he had a bad experience. This probably goes all the way back to when he had his very first HS girlfriend. They were dating for some months, both were then 16 year-olds and it was gonna be the first time for both of them soon. However that night his girlfriend got raped by 4 guys meanwhile he got outnumbered and beaten. His girlfriend ended up committing suicide a couple months later, she couldn't move forward with what happened to her.

    Wouldn't there be a point that he should put it in the past and trust my cousin more?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's not that he doesn't trust your cousin, he doesn't trust the people out there and with good reason.

    Crime numbers are at an all time high. Women are assaulted on a daily basis. Women go missing on a daily basis.
    He has a right to worry.

    Him worrying means he cares, he is her Dad after all. His job is to make sure she is safe. No one else in this world will ever do that for her or worry about her like her parent.

    I don't know if the trauma he went through at a younger age is adding to this but truthfully, to me it just sounds like a good dad who is taking care of his daughter.

    Your cousin should feel lucky, so many parents out there who don't care what happens to their kid.

    Also, parents don't live forever.

    Your cousin should change her focus on this and feel good that someone loves her this much and is watching out for her.

  3. #3
    I think he's also partly affected by the trauma. One time I heard him explaining that he wouldn't know what to do with his life anymore if something happened to her. Then he added ''I failed once already. Can't let it happen again''.

    It's like he still thinks the trauma he underwent was his fault.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Possibly, but I'm a parent and I ALWAYS ask my child where they are going, with whom, when can I expect them back, etc.

    If it was my daughter, you better be sure that I would be asking a boy taking them out who he is, where they are going, when are they coming back, who will be there? and so on.

    If something were to happen, this information could be vital in helping find someone. If you don't ask this stuff, then you will have no clue where to look for them, who to ask and so on.

    A good parent will ask, worry, make sure where their kid is. No one else will protect them but us.

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    Heís her father. Thereís many things worse than being over protective of his daughter.

    She may not appreciate it now but she will grow to as she gets older. Most likely will gravitate toward men like her father at some point. Usually girls tend to date men like there father.

    He obviously cares and itís his business itís his child after all even if sheís 19. She can legally separate from his life if it gets to much for her which IMO would be a huge mistake. Dads tend to be protective of there daughters anyway. Iíd surprise that this is the first time you ever heard of something like this.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It would be different if her dad went OTT and was following them, showing up where they went, listening to her phone calls, checking her phone without her consent, badgering her friends to the point of harassment.

    But he sounds like what any good parent would be doing..it's what I do with my kid too!

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am 52, my mom STILL asks me where I am off to. And I live three hours away from her . You never stop being a parent. Your child may be an adult but youíre a parent for life .

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I wish I had a dad who gave a crap . My dad used to throw us out the door and lock it .

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Therapy could help your cousin understand family dynamics. As long as she lives at home unfortunately there will be restrictions. All she can do is demonstrate consistently good judgement and consistent reliable behaviors. And apply for college student housing. Not much you can do but listen.
    Originally Posted by TropicalStar
    She confides in me and explains that she feels her father (my uncle) doesn't trust her enough. Wouldn't there be a point that he should put it in the past and trust my cousin more?

  11. #10
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    sounds like all my uncles who had daughters = sounds like the standard "vetting" of the date in the 70s-90s. he sounds like a protective dad who wants to make sure that the boys his daughter goes out with know that she must be treated with respect, or she has a dad to back her up. If dad respects the boy, he will ease up -- but the boy has to show he can treat his daughter with respect.

    I do think that EVERY 19 year old who lives at home thinks their parents are controlling.

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