Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Mismatched sex drives

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    91

    Mismatched sex drives

    Hey all!

    I have been dating a really nice guy for about 8 weeks now. We waited to have sex and became intimate on Valentine's Day. I have a question regarding libido. I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to dating- I've only ever had one long term relationship. That particular relationship became toxic...however, the sexual passion and excitement was so intense and the sex was amazing.
    Sex is very important to me and I would be the happiest having it at least once a day... or at least everytime I see the person I'm dating. It makes me feel connected to the other person and it is a big factor in how I develop feelings.

    This new guy seems to have a very mismatched libido compared to me. He does not initiate passionate kissing, touching, etc. When we have sex he is very quiet, and doesn't seem to enjoy the act as much as I do.

    Is this a deal breaker or should I give it more time? I am confident that as our bond grows I will feel comfortable communicating with him my need for sex... however, I like to feel desired and wanted. I'm beginning to put him in the friend zoned. Is this headed nowhere or should I wait it out.

    If I'm going to experience passion with someone, i usually find the attraction intense at the beginning. Im worried that if the passion is that lackluster during the honeymoon dating period, it will never happen!
    Thoughts???

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    19
    Well for what it's worth a lot of men aren't super vocal during sex. You guys have only been seeing each other for a short while. Perhaps he is just trying to be a gentlemen? Or he is shy? Doesn't want to come on too strongly as far as being all over you?

    Some men are more aggressive and forward than others. It may not be his lack of sex drive or libido difference more so than that he is taking it slowly initially. Do you try initiating more? Would you be okay being with a man who you had to initiate more than he did?

    I think it's early on and hard to say. I personally am like you also and enjoy regular sex passion touching etc but if I saw potential at this point I'd try to take the lead more, let things progress and see if there's any change. That is what I would do but if you know from now that you don't feel sexually compatible and arent looking to waste any time then now is definitley a good time to walk away. The earlier the better. I think it all comes down to how you are feeling about the relationship overall and whether it's a real deal breaker if he's more meek and mild in bed. Maybe he just needs a bit of guidance lol if your willing to put that work in.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,817
    Gender
    Male
    It's good you've identified an important incompatibility this early on.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    12
    How often may it happen that you may find a really nice guy? I am surprised about how fast people come up to conclusions about incompatibility? Shouldn't we try to giving it a little bit more time before giving up so early? Personally, I would try to make things work when there is something else in between: attraction and love, unless you are looking for something where you don't evaluate these things too much.

    You stated it in your post that your previous relationship became toxic even though sex was amazing!!!

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    91
    I initiate and he still does not seem to be interested. Even during the act he seems like there are other things he'd rather be doing. It left me feeling very insecure and unattractive last night. I even suggested some things he could do and moved his hands... but he straight up refused. Very confusing

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,817
    Gender
    Male
    Not confusing. He is not open to your needs and this along with sexual frustration and incompatibility especially this obvious this early on will simply lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

    You're not dating to become platonic pals so yes it is about incompatibility and no, you shouldn't try to give it a little bit more time. You tried it's not working for you.
    Originally Posted by Natasha207
    Even during the act he seems like there are other things he'd rather be doing. I even suggested some things he could do and moved his hands... but he straight up refused.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    91
    HELP! Update!

    still seeing this guy and for a short while the sex improved and became more frequent. It's been a full week now with no sex. He left for the weekend today and he refused my advances last night.

    He has now offered information that he suffers from episodes of mania followed by depression. Could this explain the wavering libido? I'm so frustrated- he has many great qualities in a boyfriend but I just dont know if I can live like this with zero passion. I dont feel like I'm falling in love. to me sex is what differentiates a partner from a friend. He is my best friend at this point but I want so much more.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,995
    You can't make someone have your sex drive. You can communicate your needs, but if they are either unwilling or unable to fulfill them, there's nothing you can do to change that.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    91
    Ps. I tried flirty and dirty texting but he usually responds with shock and laughter.... like "omg hahaha" or with a simple kiss emoji. Sighhhhhh and I'm soooo physically attracted to him. But I'm started to feel unattractive.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,995
    You aren't unattractive. The guy you are dating doesn't have the same passion you do. It's not a reflection of you it's a reflection of him. He showed you who he was months ago when you first posted. Why are you still with him - he's not going to become who you want him to be.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •