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Thread: Getting back the ex

  1. #1
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    Getting back the ex

    So I was with her for 4 years, I left the army for her, we have a mortgage together and a dog together, and I made mistakes mainly due to grieving a death, when I say mistakes I mean taking her for granted, just not being fun to be around etc. Its now been 3 months since we split and we only talk via email nowdays , were currently going through the mortgage which I'm keeping. I've tried and tried and tried to get her back and I've pushed her further and further away. I felt like I was getting close not so long ago, she came over without me asking to collect her mail, she told me how unhappy she was, how she was going through the process of giving us time. Then I arranged for her to come over and she said she was coming until her dad told her not to because I'm unstable (hurting) and I might harm her I have never harmed anyone or even been aggressive to anyone it's just not in my nature. Also she emailed me " I'm at rock bottom now, you have the house, the dog I have nothing or no one. Things can only get better". Told her to come home but shes like I dont want you. I've begged and pleaded her so much feel like that's pushed her away and even till today she told me to leave her alone. Shes unsure about us as you can see but wont take the chance. Would the best option for me is to cut all contact with her and actually let her miss me ? Because I dont know why but I'm always sending her emails etc. Whst and how can I fix it? 6 months ago I nearly proposed to her on holiday and it's what she wanted but I was too scared , now she doesnt want it ofc, but that's how seriously we was.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Haggisdcfc
    I made mistakes mainly due to grieving a death, when I say mistakes I mean taking her for granted, just not being fun to be around etc.
    Can you be more specific about this? What did you say or do during this time, and how long did it go on for?

  3. #3
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    You need to get your emotions in check man. You canít be in a relationship if you are unstable.

    You need to respect her choice. Ultimately thereís nothing you can do about it. The more you try the more she loses respect for you. You are driving yourself crazy by keeping contact when sheís made it clear sheís not interested. Have some respect for yourself. Her father sees you as unstable and potentially dangerous. Even if your not do you see the problem in that? He has to think that for some reason and he has greater influence because he is her father.

    You need to let her live her life and you need to work on yourself. Proposing doesnít mean a relationship will work out or was meant to work out. Many people get divorces. You seem like your struggling with life in general and you are using her to try to get some comfort. I myself guilty of many of the things you mentioned.

    You seem like you put everything in this relationship and thats a no no. You left the army for her? You have a mortgage together? You werenít even married tho. You where probably complacent and emotionally a burden and it turned her off.

    Many relationships end that way but your not trying to fix any of those problems. Your just putting your feelings first before hers by constantly bothering her.

    Would you be with someone because yall have a dog? No would you be someone because yíall have a house? No.

    You are low man but you can grow and become a new person. You just gotta stop talking to her and man up and fix your problems.

    The emotions you are feeling can potentially ruin your financial future.

    Only thing you can do to get her back is to let her go and change the things she broke up with you for. Honestly that might not even work itís rough but once someone ends a relationship they think itís for good.

    Many people get divorced 10s of years out of no where and move on. Seek a therapist it would help you in your situation I think.

    You need to stop contacting her thatís the main thing.

  4. #4
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    I came home from work put my headphones in for my games and his from life, my best mate died and I wasnt enough life, didnt show her attention or affection, became a slob, 2 years ish

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    You need to get your emotions in check man. You canít be in a relationship if you are unstable.

    You need to respect her choice. Ultimately thereís nothing you can do about it. The more you try the more she loses respect for you. You are driving yourself crazy by keeping contact when sheís made it clear sheís not interested. Have some respect for yourself. Her father sees you as unstable and potentially dangerous. Even if your not do you see the problem in that? He has to think that for some reason and he has greater influence because he is her father.

    You need to let her live her life and you need to work on yourself. Proposing doesnít mean a relationship will work out or was meant to work out. Many people get divorces. You seem like your struggling with life in general and you are using her to try to get some comfort. I myself guilty of many of the things you mentioned.

    You seem like you put everything in this relationship and thats a no no. You left the army for her? You have a mortgage together? You werenít even married tho. You where probably complacent and emotionally a burden and it turned her off.

    Many relationships end that way but your not trying to fix any of those problems. Your just putting your feelings first before hers by constantly bothering her.

    Would you be with someone because yall have a dog? No would you be someone because yíall have a house? No.

    You are low man but you can grow and become a new person. You just gotta stop talking to her and man up and fix your problems.

    The emotions you are feeling can potentially ruin your financial future.

    Only thing you can do to get her back is to let her go and change the things she broke up with you for. Honestly that might not even work itís rough but once someone ends a relationship they think itís for good.

    Many people get divorced 10s of years out of no where and move on. Seek a therapist it would help you in your situation I think.

    You need to stop contacting her thatís the main thing.
    I understand man, its just not as simple ot easy

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Haggisdcfc
    I came home from work put my headphones in for my games and his from life, my best mate died and I wasnt enough life, didnt show her attention or affection, became a slob, 2 years ish
    You need to rediscover yourself and get out there and live life. You need to become happy. Iíd recommend stop playing video games for a while, get into the gym and make new friends.

    Get out your comfort zone. No one wants someone complacent and slobbish in life. Tho it has happened to the best of us and is a pretty common break up reason IMO.

    2 years is a long Time to act that way. One thing Iíve learned about women is that they wonít always tell you exactly what they want but will hint at it big time. She had to give you at least some signs.

    Some people stay in relationships until there is absolutely no feelings left. You definitely canít get her back now in your current state. You got a lot of things you need to work on. Fixable definitely, her feelings toward you? Who knows.

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    Originally Posted by Haggisdcfc
    I understand man, its just not as simple ot easy
    In what way is it not simple? Is it the mortgage? the dog? Or is it because you feel like you canít.

    I had a dog with my ex. She took it without a moments hesitation. It was easier just to let it go. Itís just an animal.

    Remember many people have been through this and in way worse situations with way worse people and made it through stronger and better.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    You need to rediscover yourself and get out there and live life. You need to become happy. Iíd recommend stop playing video games for a while, get into the gym and make new friends.

    Get out your comfort zone. No one wants someone complacent and slobbish in life. Tho it has happened to the best of us and is a pretty common break up reason IMO.

    2 years is a long Time to act that way. One thing Iíve learned about women is that they wonít always tell you exactly what they want but will hint at it big time. She had to give you at least some signs.

    Some people stay in relationships until there is absolutely no feelings left. You definitely canít get her back now in your current state. You got a lot of things you need to work on. Fixable definitely, her feelings toward you? Who knows.

    I know looking back the signs was there, I know for myself I didnt want to do what I was doing it was just the easy way out. Yeah i was getting on with my life then she turned up twice, tells me shes unhappy etc, I'm working on everything I can, got myself a new better job for starters. Last time she was over she was saying how shes going through the process in her head and maybe giving us more time, and I feel like I was too full on and pushed her away again. I told her I'll pack my games up forever , okay atm I'm still playing them because I live 50 mins from all my friends and family so I'm isolated where I am, but I still go out more now and enjoy life more.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Austino96
    In what way is it not simple? Is it the mortgage? the dog? Or is it because you feel like you canít.

    I had a dog with my ex. She took it without a moments hesitation. It was easier just to let it go. Itís just an animal.

    Remember many people have been through this and in way worse situations with way worse people and made it through stronger and better.
    Just my feelings, the dog is with me, the house is with me, just feel like I've really bollocks it up, of course a lot people are in a worse scenario than me

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Haggisdcfc
    Just my feelings, the dog is with me, the house is with me, just feel like I've really bollocks it up, of course a lot people are in a worse scenario than me
    Youíre gonna have to let her go. Like youíll have no other choice. It sounds to me like she may have some feelings by what you said.

    You are definitely suffocating her. She needs space either way it goes. Continuing to do what youíve been doing will only get you the same results.
    Thatís a hard feeling to get over but youíve done what youíve did. You got to be easy on yourself.
    You are only human. You can change how you approach this right now.

    Imo your only hope to get her back is to give her space. She needs to miss you to want you back and see you moving on with your life. If you donít give her at least sometime you will not get her back.

    Me personally wouldnít message her ever again unless she contacted me.

    You know what you need to do.

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