Getting back the ex

So I was with her for 4 years, I left the army for her, we have a mortgage together and a dog together, and I made mistakes mainly due to grieving a death, when I say mistakes I mean taking her for granted, just not being fun to be around etc. Its now been 3 months since we split and we only talk via email nowdays , were currently going through the mortgage which I'm keeping. I've tried and tried and tried to get her back and I've pushed her further and further away. I felt like I was getting close not so long ago, she came over without me asking to collect her mail, she told me how unhappy she was, how she was going through the process of giving us time. Then I arranged for her to come over and she said she was coming until her dad told her not to because I'm unstable (hurting) and I might harm her I have never harmed anyone or even been aggressive to anyone it's just not in my nature. Also she emailed me " I'm at rock bottom now, you have the house, the dog I have nothing or no one. Things can only get better". Told her to come home but shes like I dont want you. I've begged and pleaded her so much feel like that's pushed her away and even till today she told me to leave her alone. Shes unsure about us as you can see but wont take the chance. Would the best option for me is to cut all contact with her and actually let her miss me ? Because I dont know why but I'm always sending her emails etc. Whst and how can I fix it? 6 months ago I nearly proposed to her on holiday and it's what she wanted but I was too scared , now she doesnt want it ofc, but that's how seriously we was.

I made mistakes mainly due to grieving a death, when I say mistakes I mean taking her for granted, just not being fun to be around etc.

Can you be more specific about this? What did you say or do during this time, and how long did it go on for?

You need to get your emotions in check man. You can’t be in a relationship if you are unstable.

You need to respect her choice. Ultimately there’s nothing you can do about it. The more you try the more she loses respect for you. You are driving yourself crazy by keeping contact when she’s made it clear she’s not interested. Have some respect for yourself. Her father sees you as unstable and potentially dangerous. Even if your not do you see the problem in that? He has to think that for some reason and he has greater influence because he is her father.

You need to let her live her life and you need to work on yourself. Proposing doesn’t mean a relationship will work out or was meant to work out. Many people get divorces. You seem like your struggling with life in general and you are using her to try to get some comfort. I myself guilty of many of the things you mentioned.

You seem like you put everything in this relationship and thats a no no. You left the army for her? You have a mortgage together? You weren’t even married tho. You where probably complacent and emotionally a burden and it turned her off.

Many relationships end that way but your not trying to fix any of those problems. Your just putting your feelings first before hers by constantly bothering her.

Would you be with someone because yall have a dog? No would you be someone because y’all have a house? No.

You are low man but you can grow and become a new person. You just gotta stop talking to her and man up and fix your problems.

The emotions you are feeling can potentially ruin your financial future.

Only thing you can do to get her back is to let her go and change the things she broke up with you for. Honestly that might not even work it’s rough but once someone ends a relationship they think it’s for good.

Many people get divorced 10s of years out of no where and move on. Seek a therapist it would help you in your situation I think.

You need to stop contacting her that’s the main thing.

I came home from work put my headphones in for my games and his from life, my best mate died and I wasnt enough life, didnt show her attention or affection, became a slob, 2 years ish

You need to get your emotions in check man. You can’t be in a relationship if you are unstable.

 

You need to respect her choice. Ultimately there’s nothing you can do about it. The more you try the more she loses respect for you. You are driving yourself crazy by keeping contact when she’s made it clear she’s not interested. Have some respect for yourself. Her father sees you as unstable and potentially dangerous. Even if your not do you see the problem in that? He has to think that for some reason and he has greater influence because he is her father.

 

You need to let her live her life and you need to work on yourself. Proposing doesn’t mean a relationship will work out or was meant to work out. Many people get divorces. You seem like your struggling with life in general and you are using her to try to get some comfort. I myself guilty of many of the things you mentioned.

 

You seem like you put everything in this relationship and thats a no no. You left the army for her? You have a mortgage together? You weren’t even married tho. You where probably complacent and emotionally a burden and it turned her off.

 

Many relationships end that way but your not trying to fix any of those problems. Your just putting your feelings first before hers by constantly bothering her.

 

Would you be with someone because yall have a dog? No would you be someone because y’all have a house? No.

 

You are low man but you can grow and become a new person. You just gotta stop talking to her and man up and fix your problems.

 

The emotions you are feeling can potentially ruin your financial future.

 

Only thing you can do to get her back is to let her go and change the things she broke up with you for. Honestly that might not even work it’s rough but once someone ends a relationship they think it’s for good.

 

Many people get divorced 10s of years out of no where and move on. Seek a therapist it would help you in your situation I think.

 

You need to stop contacting her that’s the main thing.

I understand man, its just not as simple ot easy

I came home from work put my headphones in for my games and his from life, my best mate died and I wasnt enough life, didnt show her attention or affection, became a slob, 2 years ish

You need to rediscover yourself and get out there and live life. You need to become happy. I’d recommend stop playing video games for a while, get into the gym and make new friends.

Get out your comfort zone. No one wants someone complacent and slobbish in life. Tho it has happened to the best of us and is a pretty common break up reason IMO.

2 years is a long Time to act that way. One thing I’ve learned about women is that they won’t always tell you exactly what they want but will hint at it big time. She had to give you at least some signs.

Some people stay in relationships until there is absolutely no feelings left. You definitely can’t get her back now in your current state. You got a lot of things you need to work on. Fixable definitely, her feelings toward you? Who knows.

I understand man, its just not as simple ot easy

In what way is it not simple? Is it the mortgage? the dog? Or is it because you feel like you can’t.

I had a dog with my ex. She took it without a moments hesitation. It was easier just to let it go. It’s just an animal.

Remember many people have been through this and in way worse situations with way worse people and made it through stronger and better.

You need to rediscover yourself and get out there and live life. You need to become happy. I’d recommend stop playing video games for a while, get into the gym and make new friends.

 

Get out your comfort zone. No one wants someone complacent and slobbish in life. Tho it has happened to the best of us and is a pretty common break up reason IMO.

 

2 years is a long Time to act that way. One thing I’ve learned about women is that they won’t always tell you exactly what they want but will hint at it big time. She had to give you at least some signs.

 

Some people stay in relationships until there is absolutely no feelings left. You definitely can’t get her back now in your current state. You got a lot of things you need to work on. Fixable definitely, her feelings toward you? Who knows.

I know looking back the signs was there, I know for myself I didnt want to do what I was doing it was just the easy way out. Yeah i was getting on with my life then she turned up twice, tells me shes unhappy etc, I'm working on everything I can, got myself a new better job for starters. Last time she was over she was saying how shes going through the process in her head and maybe giving us more time, and I feel like I was too full on and pushed her away again. I told her I'll pack my games up forever , okay atm I'm still playing them because I live 50 mins from all my friends and family so I'm isolated where I am, but I still go out more now and enjoy life more.

In what way is it not simple? Is it the mortgage? the dog? Or is it because you feel like you can’t.

 

I had a dog with my ex. She took it without a moments hesitation. It was easier just to let it go. It’s just an animal.

 

Remember many people have been through this and in way worse situations with way worse people and made it through stronger and better.

Just my feelings, the dog is with me, the house is with me, just feel like I've really bollocks it up, of course a lot people are in a worse scenario than me

Just my feelings, the dog is with me, the house is with me, just feel like I've really bollocks it up, of course a lot people are in a worse scenario than me

You’re gonna have to let her go. Like you’ll have no other choice. It sounds to me like she may have some feelings by what you said.

You are definitely suffocating her. She needs space either way it goes. Continuing to do what you’ve been doing will only get you the same results.

That’s a hard feeling to get over but you’ve done what you’ve did. You got to be easy on yourself.

You are only human. You can change how you approach this right now.

Imo your only hope to get her back is to give her space. She needs to miss you to want you back and see you moving on with your life. If you don’t give her at least sometime you will not get her back.

Me personally wouldn’t message her ever again unless she contacted me.

You know what you need to do.

The key is communication. You need to study how a relationship should be.

Don’t communicate with someone who doesn’t want to communicate with you.

Of course I understand, just it was a big shock, frustrates me that I would of done anything to get a shot but there is nothing I can do. I'll leave her alone and see if she misses me. If she doesnt then it wasn't meant to be. Just the scary thought that she wont do

Still nothing from her, told her she had mail and to sort the mortgage out but didnt get a reply, I still miss and want her back,

I don't think she will be coming back, OP.

You need to see a lawyer about the mortgage. It's time to take that matter into your own hands.

Maybe she wont come back, but I want to try and figure out the best way for her to come back.

Maybe she wont come back, but I want to try and figure out the best way for her to come back.

If she isn't speaking to you, you can't do anything, OP.

Nope just have to wait till she reaches out if she does. But what's the best way to give me the greatest chance

By carrying on with your life as if she's never going to be in it

By carrying on with your life as if she's never going to be in it

If only it was that easy , cant stip thinking about her and how things should of been different. I'm trying to get on with my life but I'm scared she will never come back, and I know I shouldn't be scared and let her go, but it's a very risky gamble. I'm trying to move on and go on dates but they just dont compare

Nope just have to wait till she reaches out if she does. But what's the best way to give me the greatest chance

By moving on and accepting the break-up as though it really is over for good.

Why? Because then, should she contact you, you will be in a much stronger emotional state and better able to untangle your sadness and loneliness from your true desire. You would be able to react more logically in the event of a message from her that isn't anything more than breadcrumb, for example.

You say it's a risky gamble to let her go, yet he relationship is already over. What is it you'd be risking, exactly?

No one said it was going to be easy OP but you asked for advice and everyone's giving you good advice as far r as I can see. You are just setting yourself up for more pain.

By moving on and accepting the break-up as though it really is over for good.

 

Why? Because then, should she contact you, you will be in a much stronger emotional state and better able to untangle your sadness and loneliness from your true desire. You would be able to react more logically in the event of a message from her that isn't anything more than breadcrumb, for example.

 

You say it's a risky gamble to let her go, yet he relationship is already over. What is it you'd be risking, exactly?

That is true she has already gone out my life, but I'm worried I'll never be able to get her back, I'm willing to wait or do what it takes to.

So I told her to sort the mortgage so I can move on and so I can settle down and marry as I now feel I'm ready for that life commitment with the right woman. I got a phone call of her, and she laughed about me wanting to marry because I've been putting it off with her. It made me angry and we argued. I held my hands up to my mistakes and yeah told her I haven't been good enough, shes happier without me and I said of course I wasnt giving you the best I can be. I know i can make you happier than you are now . I apologised this morning and told her I'm going nc so I can heal.

I'm hoping doing some no contact when I reach out shes ready to talk because she doesnt want to communicate with me ever again

Why are you already planning to "reach out"? And when?

Please don't tell us you've been reading those "get your ex back, guaranteed! !!111" sites that advise 30 days no contact or worse, that you gave them money. Those are scams.

I haven't gave them money, but I'm hoping things will calm down, and we can actually talk.