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Thread: 2 men, nothing but problems

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Gb83
    Because they’ve been on the outs for years/discussing separation, she refused to move the kids out his way. And the specific job he took (certain type of attorney) pays way more than stuff in his home area, so he figures at least he can secure his children’s future and then some.
    Typical married man who wants to cheat BS.

    I'm willing to bet once you're divorced all these promises he's made you will suddenly vanish. And he'll be onto the next side piece.

    What, you think you're the only one he's ever fooled around with on the side?? Please, that is very naďve.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If you need help and support, there are ways to build that without getting involved with another man ( and a married one at that).
    You are becoming a mom. Your baby is 100 % priority now. You are wasting precious energy for you and your baby on a cheating scumbag. C'mon, this isn't rocket science. He's preying on you as you are hormonal, unhappy in your marriage, and lonely. It's no real risk to him to wait out however long until you have a moment where you sleep with him. Plus he gets all this adoration for 'being there, being a great guy' that he doesn't deserve!

    I know you are away from your family but what about your support network where you live? Friends, groups, whoever and whatever keeps you happy and grounded and is meaningful to you? What about mom groups for support? Exercise groups for soon to be moms?

    Honestly I wondered how you have time for an affair ?! You work, you've got a baby on the way.. isn't the excitement and preparation of your baby coming enough to keep you occupied ? Are you excited about that - or are you so depressed even that is not bringing you joy?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately two half-men don't make one whole man.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gb83
    Because they’ve been on the outs for years/discussing separation, she refused to move the kids out his way. And the specific job he took (certain type of attorney) pays way more than stuff in his home area, so he figures at least he can secure his children’s future and then some.
    Said every cheater.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    So you're having marriage problems and ran to another man and want us to make you feel better about it and give you advice on how soon you should have sex with him..correct?

    First of all, marriage is not a game, nor is it something you toss about when times get tough. You don't run after another man and you don't replace your partner.
    You be an adult about things, sit down with your spouse, tell him ALL the problems and figure out together if it's fixable.
    Make a plan on how to fix things, go to marriage counselling, do whatever it takes to get things back on track especially if there is a baby on the way.

    By the way, what kind of sleaze bag hits on not only a married woman but a pregnant one? You can't get much lower than that.

    If you(or he) 100% refuse to try to do everything possible to save your marriage and you want to run to this other man, then I suggest you tell your husband about this other man and ask for a divorce.
    May as well be honest and put everything on the table if you're going to mess around with another man.

    But in no way, shape, or form is the affair you're having (yes, affair) it needn't be sexual but it is an affair...none of it is healthy or okay or good.
    It is 2 adults not taking responsibility, trying to force some kind of fantasy that's not real and destroying others along the way.
    It's wrong, plain and simple and you know this.

    It's a very basic rule, if you are not happy with your current partner..END THINGS...then go chasing after other men.
    How does no one understand that simple rule?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    So you're having marriage problems and ran to another man and want us to make you feel better about it and give you advice on how soon you should have sex with him..correct?

    First of all, marriage is not a game, nor is it something you toss about when times get tough. You don't run after another man and you don't replace your partner.
    You be an adult about things, sit down with your spouse, tell him ALL the problems and figure out together if it's fixable.
    Make a plan on how to fix things, go to marriage counselling, do whatever it takes to get things back on track especially if there is a baby on the way.

    By the way, what kind of sleaze bag hits on not only a married woman but a pregnant one? You can't get much lower than that.

    If you(or he) 100% refuse to try to do everything possible to save your marriage and you want to run to this other man, then I suggest you tell your husband about this other man and ask for a divorce.
    May as well be honest and put everything on the table if you're going to mess around with another man.

    But in no way, shape, or form is the affair you're having (yes, affair) it needn't be sexual but it is an affair...none of it is healthy or okay or good.
    It is 2 adults not taking responsibility, trying to force some kind of fantasy that's not real and destroying others along the way.
    It's wrong, plain and simple and you know this.

    It's a very basic rule, if you are not happy with your current partner..END THINGS...then go chasing after other men.
    How does no one understand that simple rule?
    I’ve done all that... told my husband that I don’t respect him in a lot of ways because of how I’ve seen him handle money, lack of work life balance, and insisting on moving the family when the best/most stable situation is staying put where he could still have a very good training program (just 1 step below the very top tier ones he chases, which I don’t understand bc he says this whole career is his “backup plan” & something to do part time until his entrepreneur ventures are super lucrative. He even came home from one of his top interviews in 1 of the expensive cities and said he was depressed because he really didn’t feel like going through it). Told him I don’t feel attraction bc of the problems I outlined. We went to counseling. Counselor felt we are fundamentally very different and not sure if much to save.
    My husband knows all about this other guy, I’d offered for him to meet him before etc. Later on he asked to read all my texts w him and I let him, he said “oh he’s flirting with you so you should stop seeing him completely,” but at that point I felt like sure, I could acquiesce to what he wanted but then the rest of our relationship would still be terrible w no problems solved (I didn’t see HIM offering to do anything to resolve any of our issues), and at that point we really both had decided upon separation /divorce

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    May I just ask then, why get pregnant if things were going this badly?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    May I just ask then, why get pregnant if things were going this badly?
    I actually wanted to get pregnant BECAUSE things were going badly- my husband being so self absorbed in work even on weekends home with me felt so empty, and I wanted a family member who really needed me and all my time and love.
    By the way, regarding your comment that you were surprised the married guy would be sleazy and interested in my despite pregnancy - his firm interest in being close friends despite that was actually what let my guard down, because I thought this is a really lousy/complicated situation for him if he didn’t truly care, not to mention the fact that sexually being pregnant can’t be attractive to a ton of guys and then there’s the obvious out of commission period and then wouldn’t I be too tired with other responsibilities besides being at his beck and call? So when he instead started making plans for how he’ll help me w the baby that totally made me feel he had only good intentions not sex driven

  10. #29
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Firstly, bringing a child into this world because your situation is bad and you hope it'll make the marriage work, never works.
    Secondly, bringing a child into this world to be your friend, to make you feel like someone loves you, etc, is also a very backwards reason for creating a child.
    You can't hold a child responsible for your happiness, nor should it ever be like that.

    As for this other guy, he IS a sleaze. He has his own darn wife and child to think of and to work things out with. His son should come first, he should be worrying if his son feels loved or taken care of, etc. YOUR child is not his problem or his business.

    I wonder why he would ever start getting involved with a married woman in the first place. It shows very low character to do that. Do you not see that?
    You are both starting out with cheating, lying, a very bad beginning and a very complicated one.

    To be honest, OP, you've got very backwards ideas on so many things.

  11. #30
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    Ok, points taken. So steps going forward:
    -Already wasn’t a question that I won’t sleep with this guy, both because my divorce isn’t in legal motion & because I’ve been very firm w him that I wouldn’t do this until he was separated too
    -continue to make it clear I will only be his friend unless he took some real step toward ending marriage
    But the steps with my husband are the hard part... am I being too picky and critical to leave him? Because certainly would be easier w the baby for us to be together... but I was dissatisfied sexually and emotionally w him long before meeting my friend or getting pregnant or anything else...he says he makes tons of effort to be w me but it’s like scheduling me into blocks of time on his weekend and never spontaneously wanting to do stuff w me bc he says he doesn’t need much time w me. So even if I agreed to move for him and he was happy bc now I’m “supporting” him, I don’t see what I’ll really get from him? Not $, not time spent w the baby really?

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