Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 52

Thread: He's coming on too strong

  1. #1
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    71
    Gender
    Female

    He's coming on too strong

    A few weeks ago I met someone through a dating site and we had our first date yesterday. It wasn't the best first date I've ever had but it went well. I liked him and he seemed to like me, too. We talked about our families, music, books, hobbies and a little about relationships. He's divorced with 2 kids over 30.

    After the date he asked when we can meet again and suggested today (Saturday). I said I'm busy this weekend and let's talk on Monday to arrange something. He said ok.

    An hour after the date he texted me a long text saying he enjoyed meeting me and he had had a great time and that he had forgotten to ask me a question and asked if I'm tender and giving when I'm in a relationship. I found the question strange and I replied that we can talk about that the next time we meet. I'm not a text person at all, by the way. He didn't reply to that.

    This morning, I find one more text. Asking if I want to meet for lunch. I haven't repliet yet because I don't know how to reply since I've already told him I'm busy this weekend.

    I feel he's coming on too strong for my taste and I don't like it. However, I did like him and I don't want him to think I'm not interested. How would you reply to his text?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,572
    Gender
    Female
    I'd say again that you're busy and if you want to meet him again suggest another time you can. But his text was indeed weird and you're feeling something is not quite right in your gut. If you're not comfortable with his advances remember that you can always opt out. You're getting to know him and deciding if you want to move forward or not.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,491
    Gender
    Male
    He's an old timer who believes he needs to be the pursuer... or he's a bit rusty when it comes to dating. If you like him simply and politely decline the lunch date and reschedule. If you don't like him/his approach, simply tell him you're not a good match.

    People do not instantly blend in communication or dating styles after a first meet. Many people are just not that smooth or slick. Some are just nervous fumblers and well...others are oafs or jerks. maybe you'll just have to see.

    Part of the problem with online dating is you don't know this person and sometimes people expect perfect people with stellar dating etiquette. When in fact it's just a bunch of ordinary people. Expecting a lot of smooth perfected dating techniques is the best way to attract players/serial daters.... they have the most practice..
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    He's divorced with 2 kids over 30.
    An hour after the date he texted me a long text saying he enjoyed meeting me and he had had a great time
    I find one more text. Asking if I want to meet for lunch.
    I feel he's coming on too strong for my taste and I don't like it. However, I did like him and I don't want him to think I'm not interested.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,179
    Gender
    Female
    Everyone has different attachment styles... but to me, heís raising all sorts of warning bells about being needy and clingy. Iíd probably bail.

    I get what Wiseman is saying about not expecting a perfect person - and I agree with that - but for me, even if itís a friendship context, if I tell you Iím busy over the weekend, Iíd expect someone to respect that? Maybe even be interested in what I might be up to? To kind of gloss over that and ask again feels selfish and oblivious and boundary crossing to me? Like he wasnít at all listening to what I said.

    ... and to add to that the weird, kind of needy question re: whether Iím tender and giving... I mean...

    I would not be compatible with this person.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,615
    Goodness, Iím kinda sorta seeing what men are complaining about.

    Iíve expierienced men coming on too strong but I didnít like them so their actions were not appealing to me Dobler vs Dahmer they were Dahmer...

    I donít see that here, you say you like him so I kinda see something thatís not connecting right and when men show real interest itís unappealing to you...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2,530
    Eliza, I'm in your age range, so I have a copacetic understanding of dating at this age.

    Yes, this guy is coming on a bit too strong, but is it, as Wiseman says, due to clunkiness? Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Men at this age often haven't dated in years, maybe decades, so I'd give this guy a pass and see him again.

    Yes, for him to ask you out for lunch when you just said you are busy until next week is a bit odd! But, you said "busy this weekend, talk Monday" without an actual date, and this guy probably would feel better if you could give him an actual date, something he can put down on his calendar.

    Why don't you text him back with some days next week that will work, and plan a date for then?

    The "tender and giving" part of his text is yes, odd, but perhaps he just came out of a relationship with a she-devil. Who knows. I'd write that off to clunkiness as well.

    Give it one more date before you decide.
    Last edited by LHGirl; 02-23-2019 at 09:52 AM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,112
    Gender
    Female
    It's possible he's multi dating and meant that lunch date question for another woman. I know when I was on OLD and had been communicating with a guy, and we arranged for a date when I got back from my vacation, he accidentally e-mailed me about setting up the time and place of a date with another woman.

    In your shoes, I'd probably go on another date and see how things go.

  9. #8
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    833
    Gender
    Female
    Oof, I'm also in you're dating range and understand why this is such a turn-off. I'm someone with a busy life, and who needs early dating to be casual and fun. You told him you were busy, so he should have backed off and let you made the move or at least waited a few days.

    Like others have said, if you genuinely like him, then reply. This time I would be firmer, though, so he'll cut it out (unless he is crazy needy, which means he will keep going, and you'll ultimately lose interest). Say something along the lines of, "Hey, I told you I was busy yesterday, remember? Sorry I can't meet this weekend, but I'm still down to touch base on Monday."

    Hopefully he gets it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,296
    Gender
    Female
    I agree that maybe he texted you in error, and I also agree that if weren't an error it is too much. Finally I agree also with simply ignoring it. Decide when you want to be next available to him, and make a note to communicate that on Monday.

    His question are you giving etc in relationship -- what are you supposed to say to that? No, I am a selfish b? That's a curious one and flags to me that he may struggle with relationship skills, articulating his needs, or understanding others. Maybe. I would counter ask whether he is familiar with the concept of 5 love languages, and answer in terms of what you like to give and to receive, and ask him the same. That might help transition from words that describe his perception of affection to concrete examples of how affection may be expressed by each of you.

  11. #10
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Southwest
    Posts
    427
    Gender
    Female
    I'm going to lean in the clunkiness category for this one as well. The question is a bit off-putting, but not alarming to me. Some men are just very forthcoming in what they want and expect and don't want to waste time. I would put in some more time. I also appreciate trying to nail down a second date. When you said you were busy for the weekend, you didn't express you were leaving town or anything (?). Maybe he took a chance that you were not free in the evening, but you could find some time during the day. Personally, if I had the ability, I might counter offer with coffee instead of lunch, as it is busy, or as mentioned earlier, this guy might feel better if you counter offer with a day to meet next week, like Tuesday or Wednesday, sooner over later. When you get some good momentum going, don't wait too long. You're just testing out the waters, not committing to a long-term marriage or anything. Use this time as it's intended and get to know him. Maybe this is a bit red flaggy, maybe clumsy. You're concern is that you don't want him to think you're not interested, so do something to show you are interested...see if you can squeeze out some time, or at least get a date on the books.

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •