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Thread: He's coming on too strong

  1. #21
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    When I read your original post I was thinking, okay give him a chance and go on another date. BUT, after reading the above, I'm thinking I'd head to the hills. Not interested. Move on.
    This 100%. You gave in and compromised and he acted like a lunatic, in my opinion.

    He seems like a controller or perhaps just someone with really low self-esteem. Either way, you don't need to play these games. I'd be done.

  2. #22
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    You say you 'liked" him, can you clarify what you mean by "like"?

    You say it wasn't the best date you've ever had which is fair, but reading what went down -- talking about families, music, books, hobbies - no doubt it was enjoyable for those reasons, but as far as romantic chemistry, it sounds sort of meh. All very polite, but no real click.
    By 'like' I meant I liked our conversation and I liked him as a man, too.

    If there hadn't been any chemistry, I wouldn't have gone out of my way to arrange a meeting today. I wasn't 'wowed' with the date but I felt there was potential.

    I don't feel that any more.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I don't feel that any more
    Honestly, I don't blame you. Him texting you, asking about being tender, etc...that would make me feel eww. What in the heck kind of text is that? Why be so weird and the wording just seems ick.

    Secondly, if you told him you'd talk to him Monday and he kept texting, I'd feel put off by it too. Pushy, somewhat annoying.
    One text maybe would seem nice, as in, he's interested, but by the 3rd text, I would be seriously thinking he needed to get lost.
    It's annoying and no where near romantic.

    But I still think your personalities clashed. Good to find out now rather than down the road.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Yes, these are the actions of someone who's interested, but he may have felt you were just being polite by agreeing to "just an hour, although I'm very busy" today. Let's face it: If this was a guy you were really interested in, you'd have cleared some more of your schedule, or at least pinned down a longer date for next week.

    Also, I don't know what the specific tone was on the phone call, but you could have sounded less than interested to him, or at least that's how he perceived it.

    If he doesn't contact you again, and you still want to give it another chance, then I'd text back on Monday, giving some specific days you'd like to get together.

    Although I do think that he figured you weren't very interested, and that you are now on his back burner, and that he'll only contact you if someone more interested doesn't open up for him.

    I do think this is simple getting-to-know you clunkiness, rather than him being a jerk. He seems like a nice, very interested, stand-up guy.
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    You say you 'liked" him, can you clarify what you mean by "like"?

    You say it wasn't the best date you've ever had which is fair, but reading what went down -- talking about families, music, books, hobbies - no doubt it was enjoyable for those reasons, but as far as romantic chemistry, it sounds sort of meh. All very polite, but no real click.

    My advice is to take a pass. My sense is you are just not "feeling it" as they say, and that's okay!

    As far as him being clingy and needy, let's not start going down that road, or analyzing him and his motives/attachment style, please. You had one meet.

    This is about you not him.

    You're not into it, if me I would just txt saying I enjoyed meeting him, but not interested in pursuing further and wish him well.
    I agree with LHgirl and Kat, I think he could tell you werent all that interested which lets be completely honest you werent.

    Its really no loss here.

    I also agree with not analyzing him, I remember a meme that said something like "if you arent going to commit to her, let her go, youre holding someones wife hostage" while obviously thats not exactly the same, the concept is the same, for every woman who doesnt care for his forwardness theres another who is going to absolutely love it, throw him back in the stream, someone else will hook him, and by doing that you free your hook to find someone more compatible, win win!

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  6. #25
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I agree with LHgirl and Kat, I think he could tell you werent all that interested which lets be completely honest you werent.
    I'm not sure why you think I wasn't interested. If I weren't interested, I wouldn't call him and arrange a second meeting less than 24 hours after our date and on a day when I was so busy.

    What am I missing here???

  7. #26
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    To add -- when he asked you to lunch, you replied:

    "I told you, I was busy all weekend."

    Assuming you liked him, felt chemistry, clicked, as you claim, is there not another way you could have worded that?

    You sound annoyed, like you're scolding him for not listening earlier.

    No doubt he picked up on that negative vibe, and it turned him off.

    A man wording his response to an invite like that after a first meet would have turned me off too. It reflects disinterest and again annoyance.

    Which explains why he called back two hours later essentially saying forget it.

    My late mom used to tell me "it's not what you say, but how you say it."

    Just my take.

  8. #27
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    How would you have worded it?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    How would you have worded it?
    A man I was truly interested in and felt chemistry with?

    "That sounds fun, I wish I could! But unfortunately I have plans, how about Monday"?

    Or something like that.

  10. #29
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    A man I was truly interested in and felt chemistry with?

    "That sounds fun, I wish I could! But unfortunately I have plans, how about Monday"?

    Or something like that.
    So, you would have said the exact same thing you had said the night before as if the conversation had never happened???

  11. #30
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I'm not sure why you think I wasn't interested. If I weren't interested, I wouldn't call him and arrange a second meeting less than 24 hours after our date and on a day when I was so busy.

    What am I missing here???
    Well...


    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    A few weeks ago I met someone through a dating site and we had our first date yesterday. It wasn't the best first date I've ever had but it went well. I liked him and he seemed to like me, too. We talked about our families, music, books, hobbies and a little about relationships. He's divorced with 2 kids over 30.

    After the date he asked when we can meet again and suggested today (Saturday). I said I'm busy this weekend and let's talk on Monday to arrange something. He said ok.

    An hour after the date he texted me a long text saying he enjoyed meeting me and he had had a great time and that he had forgotten to ask me a question and asked if I'm tender and giving when I'm in a relationship. I found the question strange and I replied that we can talk about that the next time we meet. I'm not a text person at all, by the way. He didn't reply to that.

    This morning, I find one more text. Asking if I want to meet for lunch. I haven't repliet yet because I don't know how to reply since I've already told him I'm busy this weekend.

    I feel he's coming on too strong for my taste and I don't like it. However, I did like him and I don't want him to think I'm not interested. How would you reply to his text?

    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    This is what happened:

    I texted back thank you but I can't make it, I told you I'd be busy this weekend, let's talk on Monday. He texted again asking if I'm busy all day. After 2-3 more texts, I ended up calling him because I was getting frustrated (I've told you I'm not good at texting) and we talked for about 15 minutes. He asked if I had any free time today because he really wanted to see me again and I said we could meet for an hour or so in the afternoon (it was the only free time I had).

    He seemed happy with that and we agreed on a time and place.

    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'.

    I have no idea what happened. The weather is bad but not that bad and we live close to each other. I feel like all this exchange was for nothing and I'm not even sure I want to see him again.
    The bold is kinda dead giveaways...seems your ego is in the way of you dating in a healthy way, and by that I mean the push/pull seems to interest you, like you like having the ability to reject someone and when they reject you suddenly you're thrown off center.

    We arent all matches. Theres no point in continuing with someone youre just going to complain about, youre attempting to hold someones husband hostage!

    Dont get me wrong Ive had guys Ive been on the fence about, I would NEVER treat them like they were annoying me if I actually still wanted to date them, I wouldnt risk losing them, its almost like you saw his trying as a weakness and that he was gonna follow you around like a puppy while you threw him bones, most healthy people are gonna walk away, not saying hes healthy but for whatever reason he changed his mind. Lesson learned, stay humble, we arent all matches and thats ok, treat people who are spending their time with you with kindness and if its not a match walk away dont add them to your fan club...

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