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Thread: He's coming on too strong

  1. #11
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    My take is communicate on Monday and not sooner, as a way of having firm and consistent boundaries.

  2. #12
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    This is what happened:

    I texted back thank you but I can't make it, I told you I'd be busy this weekend, let's talk on Monday. He texted again asking if I'm busy all day. After 2-3 more texts, I ended up calling him because I was getting frustrated (I've told you I'm not good at texting) and we talked for about 15 minutes. He asked if I had any free time today because he really wanted to see me again and I said we could meet for an hour or so in the afternoon (it was the only free time I had).

    He seemed happy with that and we agreed on a time and place.

    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'.

    I have no idea what happened. The weather is bad but not that bad and we live close to each other. I feel like all this exchange was for nothing and I'm not even sure I want to see him again.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    This is what happened:

    I texted back thank you but I can't make it, I told you I'd be busy this weekend, let's talk on Monday. He texted again asking if I'm busy all day. After 2-3 more texts, I ended up calling him because I was getting frustrated (I've told you I'm not good at texting) and we talked for about 15 minutes. He asked if I had any free time today because he really wanted to see me again and I said we could meet for an hour or so in the afternoon (it was the only free time I had).

    He seemed happy with that and we agreed on a time and place.

    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'.

    I have no idea what happened. The weather is bad but not that bad and we live close to each other. I feel like all this exchange was for nothing and I'm not even sure I want to see him again.
    He probably wanted to see if he could get you to cave and agree to see him. Once he was assured in his mind that he "has" you, he didn't need to see you after all.

    Asking if you are "tender and giving" (barf) is his way of finding out if you are the kind of woman who will do anything a man wants just to keep him.

    In other words, he is "testing".

    And all of this is my opinion which could be dead wrong or dead on. Since you've interacted with him in real life you would be the better judge of whether what I just wrote is valid or completely off base.

    But I wouldn't date him again. I have no time for "testers".

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I texted back thank you but I can't make it, I told you I'd be busy this weekend, let's talk on Monday. He texted again asking if I'm busy all day. After 2-3 more texts, I ended up calling him because I was getting frustrated (I've told you I'm not good at texting) and we talked for about 15 minutes. He asked if I had any free time today because he really wanted to see me again and I said we could meet for an hour or so in the afternoon (it was the only free time I had).

    He seemed happy with that and we agreed on a time and place.

    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'.

    I have no idea what happened. The weather is bad but not that bad and we live close to each other. I feel like all this exchange was for nothing and I'm not even sure I want to see him again.
    OK here's what I think happened. He felt he was getting a wishy-washy, non-interested response from you, and he decided to just forget the whole thing. I'd wonder if he'll even contact you again.

    When you called and arranged a time for later that afternoon, he probably thought you were just fitting him into an hour to just appease him. He probably hung up and thought why bother? This woman isn't interested in me, so he used the weather as the excuse.

    I doubt you'll hear from him again.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok this is kind of flaky, but it's good you called to get that tidbit of info about him.
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    THe asked if I had any free time today because he really wanted to see me again and I said we could meet for an hour or so in the afternoon (it was the only free time I had).

    He seemed happy with that and we agreed on a time and place.

    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'.

  7. #16
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    He felt he was getting a wishy-washy, non-interested response from you, and he decided to just forget the whole thing.
    Why would he feel that, though? I replied to all his texts, I called him myself, I arranged a date even though my schedule was full for the day. Aren't all these the actions of someone who's interested?

  8. #17
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    Then, 2 hours later he texted again saying 'I think it's better not to meet today after all. The weather is bad, too. Perhaps we can meet some time next week. Have a nice day'..
    When I read your original post I was thinking, okay give him a chance and go on another date. BUT, after reading the above, I'm thinking I'd head to the hills. Not interested. Move on.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    Why would he feel that, though? I replied to all his texts, I called him myself, I arranged a date even though my schedule was full for the day. Aren't all these the actions of someone who's interested?
    Yes, these are the actions of someone who's interested, but he may have felt you were just being polite by agreeing to "just an hour, although I'm very busy" today. Let's face it: If this was a guy you were really interested in, you'd have cleared some more of your schedule, or at least pinned down a longer date for next week.

    Also, I don't know what the specific tone was on the phone call, but you could have sounded less than interested to him, or at least that's how he perceived it.

    If he doesn't contact you again, and you still want to give it another chance, then I'd text back on Monday, giving some specific days you'd like to get together.

    Although I do think that he figured you weren't very interested, and that you are now on his back burner, and that he'll only contact you if someone more interested doesn't open up for him.

    I do think this is simple getting-to-know you clunkiness, rather than him being a jerk. He seems like a nice, very interested, stand-up guy.

  10. #19
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    You say you 'liked" him, can you clarify what you mean by "like"?

    You say it wasn't the best date you've ever had which is fair, but reading what went down -- talking about families, music, books, hobbies - no doubt it was enjoyable for those reasons, but as far as romantic chemistry, it sounds sort of meh. All very polite, but no real click.

    My advice is to take a pass. My sense is you are just not "feeling it" as they say, and that's okay!

    As far as him being clingy and needy, let's not start going down that road, or analyzing him and his motives/attachment style, please. You had one meet.

    This is about you not him.

    You're not into it, if me I would just txt saying I enjoyed meeting him, but not interested in pursuing further and wish him well.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-23-2019 at 01:53 PM.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would say your personalities clashed.

    He probably thinks it's no big deal to text whenever and meet up whenever. You prefer a schedule and don't enjoy texting.
    You took him as pushy, he took you as strict.

    In the end neither of you are enjoying the other one and are clashing to the point of upset.

    I doubt you'll hear from him again and it's probably for the best. He's not the one.

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