I don't want to ruin it

Dearest all, I need some perspective...

Me and my man had a really good times. We celebrated my birthday than we celebrated his. After the latter, it was evident that I care a lot and we had a heart to heart conversation where we agreed we like what we have.

Ever since, he became slightly less in touch. I know he was madly busy at work ....but still....last two weekends we spent together.... however,not this one. He texted me Friday 8pm to ask how I was. I responded 2,5 hours later apologising as I was coming home from dinner with my friend. I asked about his day and how was he.

I did not receive a response.

He is someone who likes stay up late.

He normally would respond. If he would fall asleep on sofa he would text back once awaken.

When we are together, he check his phone regularly and responds to his friends unless we are being intimate.

Not sure what to think now. ..

How can I ask about it. I will wait and see what he is going to say first but this makes me suspicious. Happened for the first time but it is not like him to respond next day ( if so ).

Soooo, are we talking about two dates over two weekends? You state "my man," which suggests you've been dating quite awhile...what's the timeline? How long have you been going out?

If two weeks into a dating relationship, I think you need to sit back and wait. Men tend to do more roller-coaster-ing. Women gab and talk and share...men are silent and process things differently. This two weeks sounds like a whirlwind, and he needs time to decompress and digest what's happening. Let him. Text him like you normally would, or reduce the frequency depending on how often you texted in the past...space is required here. Don't go overboard with communication and take the hint if you get no response after 2-3-4 tries. If he likes phone calls more, make at least one call, leave VM. Be prepared that maybe he can't/doesn't want to continue.

For a long-term relationship, this sudden ducking out is alarming for sure, but we're talking about one night where he broke a typical habit or routine. It's hardly worth fretting over. Like you said, he's been very busy at work. He might just need time to decompress and not have to worry about another person for a little bit. Maybe he's under the weather and sleeping more. If this continues, you need to have a talk about what's going on. I would let this ride a few days or a couple weeks first. You want to see if maybe work or other obligations have caused this change and things will go back to normal. He might bring it up to you first. Try not to panic. Right now, it's a one-off.

Thank you Purple...we dated last year for a few months and reconnected in last December where we became official.

Last two weekends were first full weekends we spent together...otherwise were single days or day and nights ..

Him not responding text sound at 10.30pm is rather unusual....but maybe am being paranoid...

You create a new thread regarding this guy on a monthly basis. Do you do this with all of your bfs, or just this one?

Does he treat you like a girlfriend otherwise? Does he include you in his life and such?

I'm not seeing something dramatic here as it's just been one weekend without him and a delay in answering a text, but maybe with more context of how's the relationship in general we can have a better idea of the situation.

You don't need to ask. Eventually when he contacts you, you can just start talking and things will be clear. He didn't freak out when you were late in responding, so no need for that. Or simply shoot him a text about getting together again for something.

I responded 2,5 hours later apologising as I was coming home from dinner with my friend. I asked about his day and how was he. I did not receive a response.

You create a new thread regarding this guy on a monthly basis. Do you do this with all of your bfs, or just this one?

I was going to say the same

Before it was his baby mamas, which I’m assuming was never solved and now it’s texting habits.

If you don’t trust him you don’t trust him. If you think staying with someone you don’t trust and running to strangers on the internet to soothe your anxiety, every time you have an issue is the best game plan, you didn’t think this through...

You’re terrified of losing a man you don’t trust, let that marinate for a bit.

You’re terrified of losing a man you don’t trust, let that marinate for a bit.

Bingo.

You don't even realize you're miserable because you spend all your time being anxious about this unhealthy relationship. Maybe consider why that is. Sometimes when we don't want to take a good long look at ourselves and our own life, we wrap ourselves up in dead-end relationships that take up all our energy. I think you need to let this one go and be single for awhile until you can date without the clinging.

You’re terrified of losing a man you don’t trust, let that marinate for a bit.

PREACH.

Irka? What's going on here?

Dating this guy has had you in a panicked state since he went to Thailand—before that even. So, months. And, yeah, I get it: dating, falling, and so on triggers some anxiety. But if calm isn't beating out that anxiety you've got a mismatch—and, per FiO, the "calm" of internet strangers does not count.

I think it was a few posts ago that you admitted getting into the spins when you're bored. If that's the case—if the word "boredom" resonates with you in any way—I would be turning your attention away from him and toward that. Figuring out ways to not be bored that don't involve him, or men in general.

Build that muscle and you get two wins: 1. You get more confidence, because you can feel full in the void, and confidence makes for healthy dating styles and that really cool thing known as genuine fun. 2. You won't worry this much about text messages, either because you just do your own thing or (that confidence) you just shoot a text over because you don't like the feeling of pins and needles on your behind.

The way you feel right now? It's allowed for a week or two, when things are very fresh. It is not what being in a committed relationship is supposed to feel like.

Ever since the issue with his children' mother we had a honest conversation and things between us did blossom. He took me for the weekend away for my birthday to Paris and we had an amazing time. Then we spent weekend at his place, we went for walks and spent some nice times. He surprised me on valentine's Day.

We had no issues. During the week we don't see each other ....maybe briefly ...and talk a few times a week. Not much. That's ok.

After last weekend together, he wanted to do some house stuff this weekend. Cool. Because I suggested earlier last week dinner in one special place he said he will be busy doing his stuff but let me know later in a week if he can go for that dinner.

He never came back to me about it. So I didn't mention anything either and went with my friend instead. I realised that we needed time apart after a few intense weekends together.

As I said first time he didn't text me back last Friday. When he is with me, he checks his phone and responds to important people to him.

I called him on Saturday morning to ask if he was ok. He was ok and apologised. He said I shouldn't be suspicious as he is not doing anything. This annoyed me a d I said that if he would do this five times in a row than I would be suspicious. But this is was one of and I was worried plus I mentioned than that I noticed he sometimes doesn't respond to my messages.

( I don't text often but when I do sometimes he ignores. I never mentioned cause it was not a big deal, especially at work. I knew how busy he gets). However ,Friday late evening should have time to respond....

He apologised and said he has lots of things to do in a house. But he will call me later the same evening.

I said...no worries.

He didnt call.

I feel like I showed him too much recently that I care and maybe he is stepping back....

I will leave him be ....but I honestly don't like when he says he will do something and he doesn't ....i.e. comeback to me about dinner and that he will call ....

Ever since the issue with his children' mother we had a honest conversation and things between us did blossom. He took me for the weekend away for my birthday to Paris and we had an amazing time. Then we spent weekend at his place, we went for walks and spent some nice times. He surprised me on valentine's Day.

We had no issues. During the week we don't see each other ....maybe briefly ...and talk a few times a week. Not much. That's ok.

After last weekend together, he wanted to do some house stuff this weekend. Cool. Because I suggested earlier last week dinner in one special place he said he will be busy doing his stuff but let me know later in a week if he can go for that dinner.

He never came back to me about it. So I didn't mention anything either and went with my friend instead. I realised that we needed time apart after a few intense weekends together.

As I said first time he didn't text me back last Friday. When he is with me, he checks his phone and responds to important people to him.

I called him on Saturday morning to ask if he was ok. He was ok and apologised. He said I shouldn't be suspicious as he is not doing anything. This annoyed me a d I said that if he would do this five times in a row than I would be suspicious. But this is was one of and I was worried plus I mentioned than that I noticed he sometimes doesn't respond to my messages.

( I don't text often but when I do sometimes he ignores. I never mentioned cause it was not a big deal, especially at work. I knew how busy he gets). However ,Friday late evening should have time to respond....

He apologised and said he has lots of things to do in a house. But he will call me later the same evening.

I said...no worries.

He didnt call.

I feel like I showed him too much recently that I care and maybe he is stepping back....

I will leave him be ....but I honestly don't like when he says he will do something and he doesn't ....i.e. comeback to me about dinner and that he will call ....

Op, as they say, "actions speak louder than words". You don't sit as far up on the "totem pole" as you think you do (not a high priority). When a man really wants to be with a woman, he will never do anything blatant to jeopardize things and lose her.

You are playing by his rules. Time for you to play by your own rules...

Ever since the issue with his children' mother we had a honest conversation and things between us did blossom. He took me for the weekend away for my birthday to Paris and we had an amazing time. Then we spent weekend at his place, we went for walks and spent some nice times. He surprised me on valentine's Day.

You do realize soothing your anxiety is not the same as solving issues...right?

Thank you All,

He not only didn't get back to me about the restaurant, as told me he will. He said yesterday he will call me later today and he didn't ...and I haven't heard a word until now.

It's weird to be so close and connected and than so distant...

I realise this thread may not be the most interesting....but please share some thoughts....after being with someone official since December....how often do you think is normal to meet, talk over the phone ?

Last weekend he was sorting his stuff at home but called me on Sunday. Then I called on Monday and he texted once on Tuesday.

That's it...he mentioned he missed me and that we should go for dinner this week but didn't say anything else...I don't want to propose when as I was the one doing last time ....

Two weeks ago we talked how we enjoyed what's between us and now there is such a big space...

I find it hard to maintain this closeness when we don't see each other often but how to communicate this without sounding needy?

It has been first weekend when we didn't see each other but somehow feels like a long time.

I am trying to keep myself busy but thoughts pop in to my mind...by now we should see each other more and talk more , isn't ?