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Thread: Good friends for a year but its always been an on and off situation

  1. #1

    Good friends for a year but its always been an on and off situation

    So originally I met this girl just over a year ago we spent some time together, got kind of close then drifted apart and this happened from time to time with no substantial emotions developing. I've always had a thing for her but shes always given me mixed signals so I've never known what to think.

    Until recently we've gone through our roughest patch where a lot happened and ultimately I stopped talking to her for a while. It upset me for a while just like a breakup would even though this wasn't one but eventually I started to get over it and move on.

    A few weeks down the line I get a message off her asking if we could talk. I don't really want to talk to her at this point but I grudgingly accept. She goes on to explain how spending that time apart from each other had really made her realize what a good thing we had and she hated her self for letting it drift apart. By now I had lost all trust for her and didn't believe what she was saying.

    The conversation continued and by the end of it I agreed to talk to her but I kept it to a minimum and any time she got into a pattern of "one word answering me" I would just end our conversation to show her I wasn't here to mess around anymore.

    Time goes on and by now we've planned to meet up. I haven't seen her in over 6 months and tell her I don't mind but really I'm ecstatic inside. The day comes, we meet, talk and watch a movie. Nothing more.

    Every time we meet up its one of those things that just feels right.

    Now that I've got that long-winded backstory/context out of the way here's my dilemma.

    After taking that time apart and talking through stuff she's telling me that she wants something more and wants to be with me but at the same time, she said she wants to still be mates for the time being. Because I've known her for so long I know what she's like and how she acts with guys she likes. The hard part is when she talks about it she seems genuine compared to when she was giving me mixed signals in the past but at the same time I don't trust her because she doesn't treat me the same way she treats guys she "likes." She doesn't ask me about anything and as a result, we don't get many actual conversations.

    In short, i need help on how to approach this and how to deal with her.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    You need to look at her history and only follow actions. Nothing has changed here.

    You need to cut her out of your life. If you continue, you will have no one to blame, but yourself. She does not sound like a very "good friend." "She doesn't ask me about anything and as a result, we don't get many actual conversations."
    Last edited by Hollyj; 02-22-2019 at 03:56 PM.

  3. #3
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    yeah the conclusion here is, she doesn't see you in a romantic kind of way.
    for whatever reason right now she is feeling the need to fill the void of romance via you (most likely she is in rebound from a recent break-up with somebody else).
    in the end she's using you.

    i would say she's not a friend if she's capable of this.
    i would recommend not having contact with her any longer and not even relying upon her as a friend (as she obviously has proven she's willing to break lines with you for her own needs/agenda).

    sory to say that dude.. but it's for the best.
    as somebody who went thru this for some 7 yrs with a gorgeous lady that was my bff for those 7 yrs - yo'lll get over it and move on (i did). and she certainly will move on and get over it quite well as it turns out (like my bff did).

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Unfortunately you're still in the friendzone. Pretending it's a relationship or "dating with mixed signals" will hurt in the long run. Pull way back from this and start talking to and seeing girls who are interested in a real dating situation without "mixed signals".


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