What do i do with this???

So iv been in a relationship with this woman for 7 months. I no that a lot of people will think im being dramatic as its not that long for a relationship but this woman really became my world and was everything I was looking for in a relationship. Caring, kind, passionate, beautiful and made me feel like i was her world.

However her previous relationship was a 16 year one and ended due to her partner treating her badly and making her feel worthless for a long time. She had 2 kids with him, a mortgage and had done a lot with him.

At the start of our relationship there was definitely a rare connection between the 2 of us and we both loved spending time with eachother and finding out about eachother. Gradually we became a couple and things were getting better and better. Moved in together and started making plans for our future. However i did feel early on that i was worried her feelings would come back for her ex based on the scale of their relationship. I openly spoke to her about these concerns but was re assured that she was happy with me and the love she has for him doesnt mean shes attracted to him in anyway and was always pulled to me. It was more that he was the father of her 2 kids and they did have some really good times before it went wrong. He has also continued to treat her badly after leaving and try and constantly make her feel guilty by trying to turn their kids against her - which is a big no no in my opinion.

Anyway things continued to get better and better and i was happy and so was she. All the feelings she had for me i knew were genuine and we really did become inseparable. Until a few days ago she had a sudden realisation that she still loved him no matter how he was treating her and how good mine and her relationship was. She suddenly felt that she couldnt fall totally in love with me because she still had love for her ex. And she called it off

I understand kind of how he she feels as the scale of her previous relationship was huge compared to ours. But i still have all my huge feelings for her and im left really struggling with it all, i would like to think theres a chance of us getting back as between the two of us there was nothing wrong so theres nothing to fix in our relationship. However i really care about her so im giving her space and time but i no shes talking about how she feels To her ex. I cant see how they could work after whats happened between them and the scale of their break up. Has anyone been through something like this? If so what was the outcome?!

I guess iv got all these strong feelings for her and i dont no ehat to do with them. Thanks in advance for any help or advice!

Your first mistake was moving in with a woman you barely know who is coming out of a bad long term relationship. She has a lot of unfinished business with that guy and has to work thru that first and learn to be on her own before she can ever enter into another serious relationship with another person.

You'd be smart to let this go unless and until she resolves her feelings with her ex and if she doesnt want him, she needs to be on her own for many months and get herself together before she can be a real partner to anyone.

You need to vow to take things a lot slower with the next woman in your life.

It's easy to have chemistry with someone, as it's biological. You have to use your brain, however, to make the right decisions when dating. You don't say how long she'd been single since the breakup, but for a 16 year relationship, she should have been single a minimum of a year before being ready to date. And even with that amount of time, you should see signs that a woman is clearly over her ex before moving ahead with her. It sounds like you saw signs she was still attached, and yet you stayed. You also made another mistake by moving in together before the 1 year mark. Because going past the honeymoon stage is when you really learn if a person will be a good longterm partner. As you can see, the skeletons started coming out of the closet and your breakup was much harder because then you had to sort out the cohabitation problems.

She probably still feels worthless, hence subconsciously feeling more comfortable being with an emotional abuser versus someone who treats her well.

You should vow to learn from your mistakes. With no contact, you will eventually heal and move on. I wouldn't hope for reconciliation. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. She didn't care enough to stick around the first time. She would likely dump you again if you dated again, once her baggage weighed her down again.

I've never taken anyone back who dumped me. I'd rather risk my heart on someone new. Also, make sure you have a life besides having a gf with hobbies and time spent with guy friends. Don't become "inseparable." It's smothering. Take care.

Sorry to hear this. How long after her split did you start dating? How long after dating did you move in together? Did she move back to her ex? Unfortunately she sounds very confused and there's not much you can do.

So iv been in a relationship with this woman for 7 months.

Moved in together and started making plans for our future.

She suddenly felt that she couldnt fall totally in love with me because she still had love for her ex. And she called it off

I think you are definitely right. Shes very confused. We got together roughly 3 months after her actually leaving her house. However she had split from her ex 1 month before actually leaving. We moved in together i would say 2 months into the relationship, based on the fact we were both happy and felt at the time it was right.

She hasnt moved back with her ex but i do no for sure she is talking about how she feels with him.

Two months is the honeymoon period where everything is exciting and perfect and all you want to do is spend every possible second together.

Making decisions during the honeymoon period is like making major decisions while drunk. Always a bad idea.

Lesson learned. If something is good and right it'll still be good and right after a year or more, so it's not necessary to leap in during the first few weeks.

yeah this one is tough. She told you she was done, turns out she wasn't. YOu trusted her and it burned you.

Are they married by chance? If so, did they ever file/finalize a divorce?

Sorry to hear this happened. is why you should always follow your gutt. You always felt something wasn't quite right - and that instinct turned out to be correct. Always follow your gutt.

btw.. everybody thinks their "conneftion" is special with somebody.. it's not. Love is love. Attraction is attraction - it's the same for all of us especially when it's new. So stop kidding yourself that there's anything unique or special about your 1 relationsip compared to the rest of the universe.. such things are what get us into making bad decisions and over-stating and over-valuing things that are all made up in our head.

So yes.. you are being dramatic. Stop it.

it makes us do things we know we shouldn't do otherwise.

And in reality.. we'd say/think the same thing about ANYBODY who treated us REALLY WELL and liked us THAT much... doesn't make it "unique" and "special".

What do you do with this?

Sorry but you have to walk... far away from this.

As you've read already, she is far from 'ready' to be involved again.

Where YOU were ready , she was not.. she used you to try & get over him.. so not good. sorry :(.

It's called a rebound.. and they end as fast as they started.

As mentioned, she needs a lot of time to work thru all that has happened w/ their BU.

With her emotions over her ex.. everything!

In no way can she 'give' anything for a long while at this time in her life.

I was involved 5 yrs.. I still needed about a year to feel I was fine again to date.

I was NOT even thinking twice about getting involved again for at least that time.. am not like that

Is so unfair! :/.

Yup- let this be a learning experience for you... Never get involved with someone newly out of a relationship.

They NEED down time to get themselves sorted out again.. to accept.. to heal, etc.

And no, you do not move in either.. wrong.. so wrong :/.

Maybe after a couple of yrs dating.. Not a cpl of months.

Sorry you've had to go thru something like this.. it's nasty, it is!

Tc... move on. Say no more.