We’re on a break... what do I do?

Me and my boyfriend of two years were in the process of getting a mortgage together and on Monday I could feel something wasn’t quite right and I told him I didn’t feel happy and I needed some reassurance from him that we were doing the right thing by getting a house together.

To give you a back story as to why I was unsure - he broke up with me last year because he was unsure of how he felt about me and felt like he wanted it to be over, I tried to move on my meeting other people but he came back 2 weeks later and explained I was the love of his life and he wanted everything with me he just wanted to take it slow this time.

We didn’t really take it slow and we continued to live together after a while - but two days ago I came home from work and he tried to have casual conversation and I wasn’t very receptive because I was still feeling low about being insecure about everything.

He just came out with it that he doesn’t think we should be getting a house together and that we should call it off and take a weeks break so he can decide how he loves me, and in what context. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me but he hasn’t been treating me right. He said we don’t date and don’t have sex anymore and it just feels off.

I spoke to him on Wednesday to try and sort the mortgage out as we were almost at completion and we needed to sort this out as it’s not just us involved, he said he would sort it out as soon as, I also asked for clarification on this break...

I asked if we were still together but not seeing other people and not seeing or talking to each other for the week, he said yes and was a bit upset I said about seeing other people. I think this is because last time we separated I met other people and he wasn’t really happy about it...

He said because we both have some time off next week that we should meet up and talk and go somewhere together to have a conversation about what’s happening.

I’m praying to god he isn’t going to take me out to end it because in public that would be cruel....

He also asked if I needed anything bringing over as I’m staying with family right now, he said he would get it over to me if I needed it or I could come pick stuff up whenever and I just said I didn’t need anything. This is unlike him as he was quite selfish when we actually separated last year.

I don’t know what to think right now or how to feel... where do I go from here?? I can’t seem to function

I think you need to concede (to yourself) that this relationship isn't what he truly wants.

Two times now, he's called it off. His feelings for you aren't as strong as they need to be to sustain a long-term, committed relationship. My gut would be telling he's not in love and doesn't know how to come out and admit it. Getting a house together would be crazy under the circumstances, and he knows it. Sorry, OP, I know this is painful for you. But it would a lot more painful to buy a house, move in, and then find out he isn't invested anymore. It seems he loves you as a person, but not as a romantic life partner.

Honestly, I would personally be done. This is not a decision i would wait for him to make at this point. I would make it for myself. I would far prefer to be single and eventually find someone who is sure about his feelings and doesn't need two breaks from me to figure that out. The chances that things will get back on track upon a third reconciliation are very low, and not what I would commit myself to.

I get that but most people have said he will come back to me and it may ultimately be my decision to make but I’m so unsure right now.

I don’t want to meet in public and have him tell me things I don’t want to hear.

I want to reach out but then I don’t and I want to give him time but for make sake I also don’t want to be stuck in limbo... I don’t know what to do

The last time we got back together it was great and we have been good but sometimes do drift apart.. I’m not sure if it’s the mortgage thing that’s rocked the boat... maybe he’s not ready for that I don’t know.

I just want to know if he’s calling it off or if he wants a chance to figure it out and decide on things... I guess I want to know the likelihood of him coming back after the week apart.

IMO I would never want to be with someone who doesn't have the confidence in us to proceed to have a future together. Just saying...and I know you are emotionally invested, but you have to think about your well being as a person, and to protect yourself.

You could always phone him and say -

"I don’t want to meet in public.

I want to give you time to think things through.

I also need time to think things through"

Basically the short version of what you told us, plus you taking some power back - and making the decision that is best for you.

In a couple of weeks, you might be telling him things he doesn't want to hear.