Cant let go!

Hi Guys.

My ex of 5 years and I broke up a few months ago and I cant seem to just let it go and move forward.

This has to be the most difficult time of my life. There was no warning she just cut it off completely.

Shes even now dating other guys.

It feels like the ultimate betrayl when you have dedicated so much time of your life to truly love this person, put up with their

issues and try help them live a happy life. I feel like im stuck and cannot let go.

No contact for 2 weeks because I was being used as a back up plan, Who has any advice on how they let go?

Would love to her your stories.

It takes time. You were together a long time.

It helped me to keep super busy and get involved in many new interests. Have you blocked and deleted her?

Why did she end things?

Thanks

Yeah I have been, socializing, following hobbies etc..... She gave me the whole, its not you its me. We arent working.

She needs to work on herself. Just lie after lie - Even said shes not dating but found out she is.

Have you blocked?

No, deleted number - removed off social media etc. But havent blocked.

You should have blocked

Sorry Ashley* ~ It's damn painful stuff, especially when they start dating others and 5 years is a significant amount of your life....

Like Holly said, it's going to take time....How much time we don't know, but you'll need to do your best to look after yourself now....

This means not taking to alcohol or drugs and sleeping and eating the best you can....

5 years is a long time for her too and her dating around is her way of distracting herself from the pain....It may or may not work out but if it doesn't, you will have to keep one eye over your shoulder*

Grief is not depression but it can become depression if you don't take care....so I would be wary of anti-depressants at this early stage too....

You will have to be strong....and you never know how strong you can be until being strong becomes your only option*

Carus*

Thanks so much for the kind words Carus. Im actually a very strong person, but this whole thing threw me off. Ive had girls approach me and showing interest. A few old friends even asking me out but I just cant right now.

As for the depression tablets etc. I wont turn to it. She actually suffered from major depression and as soon as she changed meds I didnt recognize her anymore.

The hardest part for me to wrap my head around is that she is out there with guys having sex and doing who knows what. We had a strong sexual bond, but I guess its all in the past now.

Each day is abit better but I tend to relapse sometime. It was addictive as can be.

Thanks so much for the kind words Carus. Im actually a very strong person, but this whole thing threw me off.

Yes. We can have a few breakups and be generally ok, and then there's that one that throws us for a loop.....!

I counseled a guy a few years ago who was in the military. He had no problem marching into a hail of bullets but the thought of running into his ex scared the hell out of him! I never forgot that.....

Ive had girls approach me and showing interest. A few old friends even asking me out but I just cant right now.

I think you're doing the right thing whilst the wound is still fresh. You will only be transferring your feelings onto someone else which could then also get messy....

As for the depression tablets etc. I wont turn to it. She actually suffered from major depression and as soon as she changed meds I didnt recognize her anymore.

Exactly...They are extremely strong medications and my belief is it's better to heal naturally if you can. Also like I said, grief is not depression. Grief is not a mental illness per se' therefore medicating it with drugs doesn't really work. It's a pity but that why there's no 'anti-grief' tablets you know....God I wish there was....kinda....

There's only one proper way through the fire and that's straight through it....But once you do you will be stronger, wiser and glad you did*

The hardest part for me to wrap my head around is that she is out there with guys having sex and doing who knows what. We had a strong sexual bond, but I guess its all in the past now.

I went through the exact same thing....I even got dragged behind the bus for a while whilst she was out doing that. Thankfully a good friend took me aside and let me know. It was like a dagger to the head but had to be done, otherwise I wouldn't have known about it and been still hanging in there like a simp....

One of those guys actually worked out and she's with him now.....That might be difficult for you to hear but I don't want you to go through the same thing*

Each day is abit better but I tend to relapse sometime. It was addictive as can be.

Again, this is going to take you some time so be patient and kind to yourself ok. Noone said there's a set amount of time that you should be over it you know. There's no rule book......But there's definitely things you can do to help or hinder it....

Sending you strength Brother.

Know your value.

Ever Forward.

Carus*

Please no dating for at least six months, as it is not fair to orgers. You need time to process this, this was a big chunk out of your life. Hang out with friends and family and get yourself to a Better place.

You said "It feels like the ultimate betrayl when you have dedicated so much time of your life to truly love this person, put up with their

issues and try help them live a happy life. I feel like im stuck and cannot let go." I know exactly how you feel. I recently got divorced after 29 years of marriage. You feel like your world just fell apart. You feel like you can never recover from such anguish and pain. You simply cannot believe she would actually do such a horrible thing after you've given her your heart and soul. You are in shock. All perfectly normal feelings, dear OP. You need to allow yourself to go through the grieving process because, after all, like death, this is a loss. I felt that way also and it was almost unbearable, especially at the beginning (last May) when he first told me that he wanted a divorce. So, it's been 9 months now and, although there are still some moments when it still seems surreal, I can assure you 100% that I feel so much better these days. You will also, with time, I promise you. No one can truly say how long it will take to pick up the pieces because everyone processes situations differently. But, again, I will guarantee you that you will feel better with the passage of time. So many of us have been through this horrible rejection but we all recover at our own pace; you'll see. We have to. Cannot cry over spilled milk. We must accept our present reality and move on. Easier said than done, but you must move on. You owe yourself peace and happiness and, hopefully one day, love. Like Hollyj stated "Hang out with friends and family and get yourself to a Better place." Lastly, be comforted by the fact that you are not alone, OK? Hang in there!

yep.. give it time friend. the deeper you were into it, and the more it was a surprise - the longer it could take. don' beat yourself up or question or wonder why it's taking the road it's taking or how long - just let it be.. and let your heart and mind and body mourn the way it needs to. if ou do that, it will pass the fastest. definitely have no contact and keep away from anything that might allow you to hear about her or see her, etc.

this is called "rebound".. and rebound always goes away. just give it a chance to and move on best you know how until you're back to you again... once you're there.. then we can look back with objectivity to learn what we must - then apply to the next one.

hang in there friend.