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Thread: My relationship has lost its spark...Don't know what to do anymore...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'd tell her you're not willing to live life like this anymore. See if you can read some couples communication books together and apply those skills. If that doesn't work, I'd give an ultimatum of couples counseling. Approach it as you love her and think that a professional can give you both skills to improve the relationship. If she refuses and nothing changes, then she doesn't care enough to salvage the relationship, so why stay with someone who doesn't care? They are reasonable requests. Nothing a mature woman in love with you would reject.

  2. #12
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    The death of a loved one is extremely traumatic, it definitely changes you.

    And it's not uncommon, while going through the grieving process, that intimacy and communications between a couple who were once very caring and loving towards each other, breaks down..

    It clear to me that your gf is in a state of depression, and spiraled down.

    She's also in denial, and suppressing emotions due to lack of getting the proper grief counseling, and it's manifested in other ways, such as what you are experiencing now with her.

    In short, she is in the early stages of having a mental breakdown.

    This happened to me when my dad died almost five years ago. I lost my mom in the same year.

    I did not lash out or was nasty to my bf the way she is with you, or "let myself go" physically, I just shut down. I wouldn't talk to him, we lived together too, and I just retreated to my room most of the time.

    He tried to help, tried to be there for me and was, but tbh it didn't help because I just shutdown emotionally.

    I did not even know how I felt about him, I honestly believed I had fallen out of love with him! I was literally numb, felt nothing! About anything.

    It was my brother who finally gave me the kick in the a$$ I needed. It wasn't pretty but was so necessary !

    I finally sought grief therapy, and a grief support group; all the emotions I had been suppressing -- the death of my parents, my relationship with my then-bf -- came up to the surface for me to finally deal with, and I had a mental breakdown..

    Which wasn't a bad thing actually, it only meant I was finally dealing with very very painful emotions, which is necesssry on the path toward healing.

    My advice would be to stop coddling her and get strong! Like my brother did with me.

    It's neceassry!

    Have you seen it where one person is hysterical and the other person slaps them to snap them out of that negative and detrimental state ? It's the same sort of concept. Without the slapping, obviously.

    She's dying, emotionally.

    She needs you but not to coddle her or go along with her agenda, her downward spiral.

    She needs you to be strong! Harsh even. Tell her she needs to get help NOW, none of this "spirit guide" shyt.

    That you and your relationship cannot and will not sustain what's happening now, it just won't, period end of.

    Nor will she.

    A very tough and sensitive situation for sure so I wish you luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-22-2019 at 11:37 AM.

  3. #13
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    The way you are talking and describing the situation doesn't seem like there are many positives. Based off this I would say maybe it's time to leave this relationship.

    If you both aren't open to couples counselling and you aren't sure you want a future with her it's best to end things. I wouldn't want to be with a man who jumps online and talks about me the way you are describing her. No offense just being honest. Obviously she has her own issues as well but it just sounds like a lot of negative feelings have boiled to the surface

    It all comes down to whether you want to make things better. If you have a desire to patch things up and genuinely want her as a life partner then I would say try to work it outmThats not the vibe I'm getting though seems like you're at a point where you are ready to check out.

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