Questioning if i was wrong, when he lied about being married in the past

So I been dating this guy for almost a year, up until this january 2019. A brief history- We met at work in march 2018, and all of my coworkers who knew said he was a player..but I still ended up dating him, and eventually we said I love you to each other after about 4 months. I was smitten by him, and I love talking to him, and seeing him for the brief time. We see each other about twice a week. One of those days would be going on the road for his baseball game, and another day would be at the gym. He would text and call me on days when we didnt see each other ,all the time.

During this time, I often expressed his lack of effort to make plans to see me. He rarely plan dates. The times that we did meet up was to go to the gym, or go see his baseball games. I think we been on one movie date, and one comedy show during that time. He didnt even wish me a happy birthday, although he was in puerto rico, even when he came back he didnt acknowledge my birthday. He has two kids but never introduce me to them or allow me to spend the night at his house. The kids knew of me cause he talked to me on "speakerphone" but i never really met them. In fact, he never let me spend the night at his house, because he did not want his son seeing him with a women. The only time I was at his house, was when the kids were not there. He moved his brother into his house, so then it was just him, his son, and his brother. I never met his family, and he has never met mine. I asked him to meet my friends before, but there was always some sort of excuse.

During our dating time, he been to my house a couple of times, but never to spend the night, and at the most was for dinner and for sex. He send his work schedule, for he has full time job, and then his baseball games in the evening..but I often complain that he could not take the initativae to take me out on real dates, or even spend the night with me.

The last issue I had was we never spend holidays together. For xmas, I got him a Ipad tablet, and he bought me a cake. I was like really?? He makes more money than I do, and he works a lot, but that was the best effort he could do. He often has me to buy him clothes, or stuff around the house, and he still have not paid me back.

Recently, in january I had a dream about him being married, and questioned him about it. His reponse was that he has never been married, not even close! I went online, because my gut was off, and I found public records of him being married in 2010. I text him what I found and his response was "im not married, and not messing with anyone." I was hurt, but still reach out to him to contact me the following day. ITs been 8 weeks, he never call or text me at all. Was I wrong for questioning about his past and looking it up online? Perhaps, he still upset? I dont understand how he can stay I love you to me everyday, and then wont even call me to discuss what I found online. I haven't contact him either.

Why would you text him with such an important question? You should start saving important conversations for when you are face to face so you can see if a player is playing you by his expression or any hedging he does.

Clearly he was not as invested in the relationship as much as you were and I'm sorry that you are hurt but I'm mostly sorry that you didn't ditch this guy when it was clear that he didn't value you.

Don't ever give a guy who hasn't been showing you that he values you gifts as expensive as an Ipad, don't buy him clothes or anything else to try and get him to like you as much as you like him and if a guy (especially after a year of seeing one another) won't introduce you to his friends or have you to his house then you have to listen to your gut and get rid of him because he is more likely then not, involved with another that he lives with in some capacity. It is without a doubt, shows you in his actions that he isn't emotionally invested in you even if he tells you his is.

When you complained about him not taking you out on dates or spending more time with you then with him while he works out/plays baseball, what did he say to you?

He said, it wont always be like this but its sport season right now, and he needs to get his finance right.

I text him, because he was still at his game. I regret not calling him after but I was so heated when I found that out, so I think I messed up by not calling him about it. But i did reach out to him to call me the next day, but he never did though.

He said, it wont always be like this but its sport season right now, and he needs to get his finance right.

 

I text him, because he was still at his game. I regret not calling him after but I was so heated when I found that out, so I think I messed up by not calling him about it. But i did reach out to him to call me the next day, but he never did though.

Is he a professional baseball player?

He's the player that your friends told you he is. Please reflect on all of your relationship so that you can see that you were the only one truly invested in your relationship so that you can quickly dump guys that are only in it for sex. He did nothing with you or for you and only came to your house for sex. That is not someone who is emotionally invested in you. Even if he was, he's a lying cheater if he is indeed married. Change your frame of mind about him and start telling yourself you're glad he's out of your life so you can be free in mind and heart to find someone who is decent and kind and loving and giving. This guy was none of those things.

Thank you!!

I needed some sort of confirmation that I didn't lose anyone important. Im glad I didnt call and beg him to talk to me. It beens almost two months, and sometimes I questioned that I was wrong for approaching him in that way, but Thank you for affirming that its best to move on.

You sound like you were a very low priority and on the periphery of his life. Clearly he did not value, love or respect you, he also treats you like a FWB.

Why did you continue with any of this? Also, why would you get involved with a known player? You need to address your choices and decision to put up with this guy's behavior.

My first thought is that he's married or living with a woman. I still think that's the case after reading your post. You need to forget about this guy, he was never interested or invested in you.

I so wanted to believe that he was a good guy.

I made excuses for at least he text and call everyday, and he said "i love you". But what do i know??

Well, I think while it's certainly good to find out if he's actually married or not, that's actually irrelevant. Even if he's not married, you can very clearly see that je doesn't actually love you or want a relationship with you. I see a lot of posts here where people just drop their standards so low and put up with someone treating them so badly for so long. You simply cannot allow someone to disrespect you like this! If you want a real relationship and someone barely sees you and only for sex and never takes you on dates, you need to drop that person fast! Trust me, if someone loves you and wants to be with you, they will always make the time. Actions speak much louder than words and you really need to pay attention to those actions. I think you really have your answer now because that guy has never contacted you again. He doesn't care about you and doesn't want to see you, sorry to be blunt. Block and delete him on everything and NEVER reply to him ever again, even if you hear from him.

Thank you. Your words affirms that I can move on, it just sucks to invest my time in it.

He seems to still be married and the whole time you've been with him by what you're describing.

Tinydance,

Thank you for your blunt but truthful words. The crazy thing is , I always thought Im a smart girl, but I think I really did get played just like you said! SMH, you are absolutely correct that actions speak louder than words, and I did block him, so Ill never know if he did every try to contact me anyway.

But, because Im a girl, I never receive the closure. I do wish he would at least call to say "sorry" or "hey" just so i can tell dont contact me again. I never got that chance to end it, for he just left.

I so wanted to believe that he was a good guy.

 

I made excuses for at least he text and call everyday, and he said "i love you". But what do i know??

That does not take much effort. The dude didn't take you out and had no interest in meeting those close to you, or you meeting people who were close to him.

You got your closure when you confronted him on his lying.

Yeah he's all kinds of married. Your "dates" smack of needing to hide you from the wife and kids. Walk away from this.

I also found out that he been divorced since 2015 in the public records.

I also found out that he been divorced since 2015 in the public records.

Why would he lie to you then? " never been married, not even close." If its not a wife, he's got someone else he wants to keep your away from by the sounds of things.

Why would he lie to you then? " never been married, not even close." If its not a wife, he's got someone else he wants to keep your away from by the sounds of things.

I agree.

Expect more from people, OP.

Sorry to use this term but once a player always a player! Straight away there's a red flag that the only time you would see him is when youre going to a baseball game and at the gym. Fair play you expressed that he didn't make an effort, so you already acknowledged that. red flag number 2. Sorry but If someone is genuinely interested in you they go out of the way to make you feel like a princess on your birthday. And so they should! This plonker didn't even acknowledge your birthday. Red flag number 3! He has 2 kids who he doesn't introduce you to but have apparently heard you on speakerphone. If he was married do you not think it could be risky that he would have them hear incase they told their mum? Or another woman? Fair play if that is the genuine reason he doesn't want you at his house is because he doesn't want his kids to see him with another woman but does sound like an excuse. If he was certain he loved you he would want to introduce you to his family. He clearly doesn't see you as 'future potential'. Again sounds dodgy he has never spent the night with you. it does sound like he has someone else but then he wouldn't be bale to text and call all the time like you said he does. Doesn't take you out on real dates because hes scared other women will find you out. what red flag number are we on now? HE ASKS YOU TO BUY HIM STUFF?!!!! This guy is a sponger get rid please!!! And finally he probably is married and is getting divorced or something. We will never know unless he tells you but it all sounds ridiculous. Even you know it does hence why you posted on this forum. Trust your gut and don't have him manipulate the situation into making you feel as though youre in the wrong because that's what men do. Manipulate a situation to make you feel in the wrong to make them feel less guilty! You deserve better than this moron!

He might not be married anymore, but I would bet any money that he does have a girlfriend.

You have barely been in his life in the time you've been "dating", and I use that term loosely because this was barely even dating. This isn't a relationship; look how excluded you were. He kept you on the very fringes of his life for a reason.

Next time, look for actions that say "I love you." The words are meaningless if they're not supported by actions.