Short guide through the breakup

I spent countless of hours on this forum when my "the ex" left me (you can check out my old posts) and it helped me a lot,so I'm hoping to help somebody else with my little story. Keep in mind I'm writing this from my experience,and it might be different for you or somebody else,but I believe that in the core, it's all the same.

So my ex left me a little more than 3 years ago after about 3 years long relationship. First days after breakup were hell, I'd call her and beg her and all I'd get was "f*ck off" messages after she couldnt deal with me any more (I understand her now).

At first it all seems like a big shock to you, but probably you have seen it coming for weeks or months before your relationship actually ended. Accepting that it is over is tough for a first few months and for first few weeks it's pain from 0 - 24, all day long. You wake up,think of her, you eat (if you can) - think of her, you go to sleep (if you can) - think of her.

Then you figure out that texting/calling/contacting her is not going to work so you (hopefully) go NC. In ideal world you cut all the ties, block her on fb, delete her phone number, throw out that cute bear she got you for christmass, but you leave that cactus she got your for one of your aniversaries because you feel bad about throwing something living into a garbage, instead you hide it somewhere where you don't see it as much.

You binge watch The Swingers, then Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind (it's hard to get over Jim Carrey being in a serious movie at first,but you get used to it after a few minutes), The notebook, and you cry a bit when nobody sees you - you feel like a wuss but cant fight it. You read "getting back together really does happen" thread and cry a bit more - you are definitely a wuss.

The Swingers got you thinking, maybe I should get out more. So you do, your friend gets you drunk and the rest of the night gets a bit bearable. You ask yourself -maybe alcohol is the cure. Next day you wake up to a heavy headache and feeling low so you figure out that alcohol is 100% not a cure (but you repeat this next weekend).

On one of your countless parties you run into an ex from before, she's newly single like you and you both with poor decision making end up together. You decide to walk with her home and she asks you to get in. You get in and she starts to make advances towards you, but the image of your ex pops up into your head and you tell her that you cant - she gets offended and you feel like a wuss. You go home and spend next few days feeling bad again. After some time you get a chance again and take it so you feel a bit better about yourself.

Things get a bit better from now on, even though at some moments it still seems like the pain never ends, in reality (and if you look at it from a side) the pain takes less and less of your day but is still strong enough that you don't notice that you didn't think about your ex when you were watching your favourite TV show. Evenings and mornings are still tough though.

Then your ex calls you... "Is this my getting back together story?" you ask yourself. Of course it isn't, it all crashes a week later when your ex ghosts you once again. You are hurt again but decide to say f*ck it and go hardcore on moving on. Now you grow some standards, and decide that you are worth a lot more than to be treated like this.

Things get easier as the time passes on, you get contacted by your ex once or twice again but you just brush it off and don't respond. You are stronger now, and feel better. But you are still not over her, some days you still think of her and miss her.

Then you meet somebody that you like and they treat you so much better than your ex. Your ex slowly fades away in your mind. You probably still remember her fondly,but you feel about her just like you feel about that "good" friend you had in HS that you just split ways from and never heard of him after finishing the school.

Now you have some other worries in your life, some other battles to win and your ex doesn't take so much of your memory and energy as she used to.

You have moved on.

Timelines are different for everybody, for me I believe it was about a year and a half (or probably a little bit less than that) to get into a space where I don't pin over my ex any more. I don't know what it depends on. But I have learned that there is no "the one" in your life except for a person that will be next to you till the end of your life - the thing is, you never know who they are and they can be anybody to whom you allow it to be.

Remember - things do get better, it just takes a bit of a time for it to get better, you just have to allow yourself to be happier (this includes not rubbing the old wounds - thus why NC is the best).

And for the end I'd like to share a little video that helped me getting over my ex:

Stay strong people, tomorrow is always a little bit better.

I enjoyed reading your posts as I am in the process of healing myself. Thank you for that. :)

I find it hard to ignore the ex when they reach out. Don't you wan't to know if they maybe want to get back together? Or have you met someone else?

God I hope I can write one of these stories in a few years. I’m currently at “okey, I might survive this”, but still “the sun will never really shine enough to chase away the fog again”. I feel like I just have to survive the rest of my life.

And about the whole “ex suddenly contacts you” - I wish that would happen, but it ain’t gonna...

God I hope I can write one of these stories in a few years. I’m currently at “okey, I might survive this”, but still “the sun will never really shine enough to chase away the fog again”. I feel like I just have to survive the rest of my life.

 

And about the whole “ex suddenly contacts you” - I wish that would happen, but it ain’t gonna...

Well, it will get better in time, you just have to hold strong.

About ex contacting me, after the first time I always had that bitter taste in my mouth, once they contact you and you get hurt again it's not the same. Plus, you have to up your standards. If you start running as soon as your ex says so, what does that say about you? If somebody really wants you back after all of that, they will work hard to get you back, and if they dont - they dont deserve you.

Well, it will get better in time, you just have to hold strong.

 

About ex contacting me, after the first time I always had that bitter taste in my mouth, once they contact you and you get hurt again it's not the same. Plus, you have to up your standards. If you start running as soon as your ex says so, what does that say about you? If somebody really wants you back after all of that, they will work hard to get you back, and if they dont - they dont deserve you.

First , thanx for the hope :)

Yeah, I know I won't jump if he comes begging, I don't want that, but I DO want him still...

Haha great video! Yup the heartbreak diet really works..

Thanks! I needed to read this. Well said.