She cancelled our date

We had a date set up days in advance and she called me the night before to cancel the date because she wanted to go to a concert with her friend. She told me "I really wanna go to the concert with my friend... you can come with us if you want". My response was something like: "well, we can meet some other time if you can't make our date. Let me know when you're free". I felt like I was blown off for something better that came along and was invited because she felt obligated and guilty for her to do so. How would you folks responded?

We need more context, OP.

Is this your girlfriend, or someone you've just started dating?

How did she respond when you told her to let you know when she's free?

Was it a band that plays all the time in the area or is it something that if she doesn't go and see she'll never get the chance again?

Has she done similar in the past or is this the first time?

At least she gave you a day's notice and asked you along too. If she was blowing you off, why would she have asked you to come?

We had a date set up days in advance and she called me the night before to cancel the date because she wanted to go to a concert with her friend. She told me "I really wanna go to the concert with my friend... you can come with us if you want". My response was something like: "well, we can meet some other time if you can't make our date. Let me know when you're free". I felt like I was blown off for something better that came along and was invited because she felt obligated and guilty for her to do so. How would you folks responded?

I would never deal with this person again. She clearly is selfish and does not value other people's time. Not the type of person I would want in my life. She has shown you who she is, it will happen again.

You were blown off. Delete and block anyone who disrespects you, your time and energy this much. You handled it well but the flakiness here isn't worth it.

I felt like I was blown off for something better that came along and was invited because she felt obligated and guilty for her to do so.?

I'd like more context as well. Was this a once in a lifetime opportunity or some band she can see any time? How often has she cancelled? How long have you been going out?

If he could come along last minute, then my guess is that this wasn't a once in a lifetime concert where her friend happened to score a couple of tickets and invited her.

Sorry, she blew you off for a better or more entertaining option in her mind. Maybe blew you off isn't the right word choice since she offered for you to tag along, but I'd say that she clearly demonstrated a very very low interest level in dating you. Almost want to say that you got downgraded to the friend zone here.

If you are looking to date, then keep on looking and don't waste any more time on this woman.

Well hell, the least she could have done was lie and told you she had a family emergency or some other bogus excuse like many people do, lol.

I'm being facetious obviously, point is she was honest and told you she wanted to attend a concert and invited you.

And for that, you are being advised to dump her?

This is precisely why people lie. Just like in another thread, being open and honest gets you dumped.

I dunno, I was taught the truth, honesty is best, apparently not. Ugh.

And the fact she invited you speaks volumes, but of course, this doesn't matter, just dump her.

Edit: She didn't "blow you off" she cancelled a date the night before, and invited you to join.

But I give up.

Good luck.

We had a date set up days in advance and she called me the night before to cancel the date because she wanted to go to a concert with her friend. She told me "I really wanna go to the concert with my friend... you can come with us if you want". My response was something like: "well, we can meet some other time if you can't make our date. Let me know when you're free". I felt like I was blown off for something better that came along and was invited because she felt obligated and guilty for her to do so. How would you folks responded?

You feel like you were blown off, because you were. I would lose this gal's number. If she tries to call, block her.

We need more context, OP.

 

Is this your girlfriend, or someone you've just started dating?

 

How did she respond when you told her to let you know when she's free?

She is not my girlfriend. And when I told her to let me know when she's free she said, "ok". Then the subject changed and a few mins later I told her I had to go eat... I was starving.

Was it a band that plays all the time in the area or is it something that if she doesn't go and see she'll never get the chance again?

 

Has she done similar in the past or is this the first time?

 

At least she gave you a day's notice and asked you along too. If she was blowing you off, why would she have asked you to come?

She's done flakey things like this before. And this "concert" isn't really a concert. It's like some musical group playing at a local cultural center.

I'd like more context as well. Was this a once in a lifetime opportunity or some band she can see any time? How often has she cancelled? How long have you been going out?

This isn't a once in a lifetime opprotunity. like I mentioned above, it's some group playing music at a local cultural center. We've been going out for like 2 months.

Well hell, the least she could have done was lie and told you she had a family emergency or some other bogus excuse like many people do, lol.

 

I'm being facetious obviously, point is she was honest and told you she wanted to attend a concert and invited you.

 

And for that, you are being advised to dump her?

 

This is precisely why people lie. Just like in another thread, being open and honest gets you dumped.

 

I dunno, I was taught the truth, honesty is best, apparently not. Ugh.

 

And the fact she invited you speaks volumes, but of course, this doesn't matter, just dump her.

 

Edit: She didn't "blow you off" she cancelled a date the night before, and invited you to join.

 

But I give up.

 

Good luck.

There is an issue with how this was approached. She told me that her friend was going and told me "I want to go with her... you can come if you want". I'm a third wheel here, not her date. She only invited me because she felt obligated to invite me. If she had said something along the lines of "my friend is going to this thing, how do you feel if ***WE*** went to this thing instead with her??? We can go to the other place another time".... I would have gone with her.

Her invite doesn't really speak volumes... her invite was to attempt to save face.

She's done flakey things like this before. And this "concert" isn't really a concert. It's like some musical group playing at a local cultural center.

It's still something she was interested in, cultural things like that, music, poetry readings, theatre, etc interest me too! And she invited you to join.

Not as a third "wheel" but maybe because she'd like you to partake in an activity that interests her.

But, you said she's done this before, so, if you believe she's a flake and you can't trust her to keep your dates, then yes dump her, you have my blessing! :)

It's still something she was interested in, cultural things like that, music, poetry readings, theatre, etc interest me too! And she invited you to join.

 

Not as a third "wheel" but maybe because she'd like you to partake in an activity that interests her.

 

But, you said she's done this before, so, if you believe she's a flake and you can't trust her to keep your dates, then yes dump her, you have my blessing! :)

She can go to the next event at the cultral center. Setting firm dates and commitments are important to many people. Switching last min because something more fun in her eyes came up so she could hang out with her friend is flakey, immature behavior.

She can go to the next event at the cultral center. Setting firm dates and commitments are important to many people. Switching last min because something more fun in her eyes came up so she could hang out with her friend is flakey, immature behavior.

Like I said, if her constantly flaking is unacceptable to you then dump her!

No need to justify, you don't need anyone's permission.

Like I said, if her constantly flaking is unacceptable to you then dump her!

 

No need to justify, you don't need anyone's permission.

I'm not going to ghost her... I"m just going to make her do all the work from now on. Like I told her, she needs to let me know when she can meet up... i'm not asking her out.

I actually agree with Katrina. Why shouldn’t she do what she wants to do? She told you a day in advance, plenty of time for you to make other plans.

Would you rather she go on the date with you and wish she was somewhere else the whole time?? Would you rather she told you she was sick, and potentially have to find out later that she wasn’t??

I personally highly value a persons ability to tell me the truth, especially when they know it isn’t what I want to hear. I respect the girl for being straight with you. Most would have just lied. I like a direct, honest person. You don’t have to guess, you always know where you stand with them.

She was presented with a better offer, and chose to run with it, leaving you holding the bag...so to speak. I see that as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, etc.

I wouldn't waste another minute of my time with someone of this mentality...

I actually agree with Katrina. Why shouldn’t she do what she wants to do? She told you a day in advance, plenty of time for you to make other plans.

 

Would you rather she go on the date with you and wish she was somewhere else the whole time?? Would you rather she told you she was sick, and potentially have to find out later that she wasn’t??

 

I personally highly value a persons ability to tell me the truth, especially when they know it isn’t what I want to hear. I respect the girl for being straight with you. Most would have just lied. I like a direct, honest person. You don’t have to guess, you always know where you stand with them.

Well said! My sentiments exactly!!

I disagree with "punishing" her for cancelling the date.

If it upset you that much that she cancelled, then just stop dating her! None of this "I'm gonna make her do all the work, I won't ask her out". That's childish, imo.

I find it rude what she did because she made plans with you first. Heck if a friend did this to me it would be the same issue! It’s inconsiderate when you have confirmed plans then someone calls and changes those plans. Sure she ‘invited’ you when you already had a date with her. Gee how thoughtful!

I wouldn’t make her work for anything that’s playing it right back. I would just move on.

I disagree. She invited you to come - YOU refused.

It's not as if you had been dating a while either (I gather it was just a first date) - so you had no obligation towards each other at that point.

I would ask her out again and MAKE a date out of it.. none of this "contact me when you're free" stuff. Come up with a specific date, a time, a plan - and ask her to join you for it:

- if she says 'no' - she's not into you

- if she says 'no, that date doesn't work for me - but i'm free on (insert another date/time to go out)' - she's into you

- if she says 'yes', duh.. she's into you.

Good luck.

I'm not going to ghost her... I"m just going to make her do all the work from now on. Like I told her, she needs to let me know when she can meet up... i'm not asking her out.

I see. So you are looking forward to her blowing you off again. Some never learn! How many times does she have to do this to you? Where's the self respect!!

I actually agree with Katrina. Why shouldn’t she do what she wants to do? She told you a day in advance, plenty of time for you to make other plans.

 

Would you rather she go on the date with you and wish she was somewhere else the whole time?? Would you rather she told you she was sick, and potentially have to find out later that she wasn’t??

 

I personally highly value a persons ability to tell me the truth, especially when they know it isn’t what I want to hear. I respect the girl for being straight with you. Most would have just lied. I like a direct, honest person. You don’t have to guess, you always know where you stand with them.

I'd rather be respected of my time! lol I canceled on other people who wanted me to hang out with them so I honor the date I set up with this girl. She lacks respect.

And that's why I didn't take her up on her fake offer to go with her and her friend... and I told her to let me know when she has time to meet up with me. I'm not going to chase after her if she's not willing to stick to her commitments.