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Thread: What do I do with my mil

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Change All your social media setting to private. Block and delete her and anyone who harasses you from All social media. At this point stop getting into it with her, Focus on your kids, your marriage and your own family and friends. Simply be polite to her if/when you have to see her..Stop fueling the hate and arguments with your behavior by depriving your kids of a grandparent. It's not working and it's very nasty to use your kids as pawns in your war. You need to stop.
    Originally Posted by Redpea
    she's been trying to replying me on fb with rude comment. Its just the fact that she doesn't respect me and think I am keeping my kids away from her so she plays the victim role and always say I hurt her so bad and she was never that hurt in her life....

  2. #12
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    3 year olds say the craziest things, or things out of context all the time.

    Your MIL sounds pushy and flakey and childish, but I don't see her as a threat.

    This sums up my MIL,, [Register to see the link] - I haven't communicated with her in 8 years now, and she has not met my two kids. I'm Asian too btw with a white hubs, but it that's not the point - any relative can push boundaries no matter what race.

    Just have hubs tell her no visits after whatever time. And don't be friends with her on social media. If she texts or emails, keep them for evidence if you do see her as becoming a problem, but don't reply, and say you don't check them. Always try to get her to communicate through your husband instead.

    And don't let her babysit anymore. You need to find a good one, daycare, swap nights with friends.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Change All your social media setting to private. Block and delete her and anyone who harasses you from All social media. At this point stop getting into it with her, Focus on your kids, your marriage and your own family and friends. Simply be polite to her if/when you have to see her..Stop fueling the hate and arguments with your behavior by depriving your kids of a grandparent. It's not working and it's very nasty to use your kids as pawns in your war. You need to stop.
    Do you suggest kids still have regular visit?
    the kids has been visiting her every week just with my husband, it's only me withdrawing from her and her bf (her bf has been sending me nasty message too and saying I am unfit mom ect). It used to be sleepover but now it is changed to supervised visit because I don't know what was being said and if it is emotional healthy for my kids.
    I did talk to my husband about mil needs 3 month time out with me and the kids because the part of complain she made online was that I keep kids from her , she only had handful times of visit with my son since he was born and it's not enough. I mean we have a busy life here with 3 year old doing early kearning origram everyday plus skating gymnastic library... hubby working full time and the little baby on hands , the only time we get to spend as a little family is on weekend and she demands every week visit or whenever she is off from work to see the kids is unrealistic.we can't meet her needs and wants every time.
    I do ask my 3 year old if she enjoyed the visit and if she wants to visit on a regular basis and she say yes, I respect my kids choice.
    Is my 3 month time out with me and the kids reasonable?

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    3 year olds say the craziest things, or things out of context all the time.

    Your MIL sounds pushy and flakey and childish, but I don't see her as a threat.

    This sums up my MIL,, [Register to see the link] - I haven't communicated with her in 8 years now, and she has not met my two kids. I'm Asian too btw with a white hubs, but it that's not the point - any relative can push boundaries no matter what race.

    Just have hubs tell her no visits after whatever time. And don't be friends with her on social media. If she texts or emails, keep them for evidence if you do see her as becoming a problem, but don't reply, and say you don't check them. Always try to get her to communicate through your husband instead.

    And don't let her babysit anymore. You need to find a good one, daycare, swap nights with friends.
    Yes. That's what I am doing now. The thing ticks me is that she see the kids every week and still complain I keep the kids away from her. I want some peace and quiet in my life so I told her to not contact me but contact hubby in regards to kids and visit. She gets what she wants but still wants more and sorry I can't do it.
    And if I have to block her everywhere to stop her belittle me in public i don't know what she would teach my kids.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    3 year olds say the craziest things, or things out of context all the time.

    Your MIL sounds pushy and flakey and childish, but I don't see her as a threat.

    This sums up my MIL,, [Register to see the link] - I haven't communicated with her in 8 years now, and she has not met my two kids. I'm Asian too btw with a white hubs, but it that's not the point - any relative can push boundaries no matter what race.

    Just have hubs tell her no visits after whatever time. And don't be friends with her on social media. If she texts or emails, keep them for evidence if you do see her as becoming a problem, but don't reply, and say you don't check them. Always try to get her to communicate through your husband instead.

    And don't let her babysit anymore. You need to find a good one, daycare, swap nights with friends.
    Omg I just read it and how similar it is !!! My mil haven't gone that far but threatens to come to my door yell at me and i told her if she wants to do it fine I will call cops and a restraint order will be put on. She never contact me directly now but to find any chance she could to make me notice her. I d to never reply whatever she sent me then she became moody , the first text she would apologize but blame me on whatever happened , she didn't see my response then she started to send multiple text blame me and when she still heard nothinh frrom me now she goes to public and get my attention.

  7. #16
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    Your husband is a big part of the problem. What does your therapist say?

  8. #17
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    Your kid, your rules. You decide what is good for your children, not the other way around. The kid is 3. They have zero idea or perspective on what a harmful or toxic situation is. You as the adult dictates what is appropriate. Not your toddler. Not your In-Laws. You and hubby do.

    Don't respond to her texts anymore. Have them divert to your husband. Responding only enables her crap behavior.

    My kids have 4 grandmas. My mom. My husband's step mom (sort of); his mom lied about about who the dad was for 27 years. My hubby's dad who raised him's wife. And my Crazy MIL who's never met the kids. And two of them live out of state, and my mom sees my kids maybe once every two months or so. And that's plenty. Just because you MIL is obsessed with seeing your kids doesn't mean you say yes. And if she belittles you in front on them, imagine what she says when you are not around. I would have hubs tell her you and the kids are taking a break.

  9. #18

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Change All your social media setting to private. Block and delete her and anyone who harasses you from All social media. At this point stop getting into it with her, Focus on your kids, your marriage and your own family and friends. Simply be polite to her if/when you have to see her..Stop fueling the hate and arguments with your behavior by depriving your kids of a grandparent. It's not working and it's very nasty to use your kids as pawns in your war. You need to stop.
    And I am being extremely cautious to not use my kids as pawns. That why I am here. I understand that I can not change the way she is and it broke my heart to see that my kids feel the struggle between me and mil. And kids are smart they know it pretty well we adult just don't realize it. I try never to talk about adult stuff in front of her and encourage her to creat positive experience with her grandparents. All I need is her to stop being disrespectful to me and respect boundaries but I can't see her doing it.

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Your husband is a big part of the problem. What does your therapist say?
    Therapist suggest to cut mil out until she realize her mistake and have the right attitude to change.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Does it not bother you at all to know that she is teaching your children that as Asians they stink and they're grandparents stink, etc?

    What kind of effect do you think that is going to be when your kids grow up and realize what their own grandma actually thinks of Asians.

    How do you feel knowing she sees you as less than due to you being Asian?

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