Have you ever told someone you barely know that you *like* them?

Anyone have stories about telling a crush you like them? Outcomes good, bad, indifferent, etc.? If you don't want to read this lengthy post but feel like sharing the stories or thoughts anyway you can feel free to skip my writing below but still reply if you'd like.

I'm getting ready to do something incredibly risky but I've decided that I won't back out of it. It's important that I do this for myself. I'm interested in feedback and/or if anyone has had a crush that was a bit far fetched and whether you told them or not, and why, no matter what the outcome. Also, it's ok if you think I'm a little bit crazy. lol. I've questioned my sanity numerous times so don't worry about that part.

I went on a road trip with a friend to see this band I liked. I met them afterwards briefly. They're not that well known and are like typical average joes pretty much. Long story shortish they kind of knew who I was when I met them because of me being supportive of them on social media and such. More recently I've made some fan art and other silly little things and they've always appreciated a ton.

Of course the problem is I ended up developing a crush on one of the guys. I know how extremely silly that sounds because I don't know him besides little things. Any time he's talked to me it's always been about the band because I don't really know how to change the subject because obviously I don't know him that well plus I don't know if he'd have interest. He either already somewhat knows I like him or he is oblivious and thinks I'm just a super fan.

I told them months ago I had this cool idea for something I was gonna make but it was secret. I'm working on this very cool "fan made" video. With the amount of work I put into it though.. most "fans" probably wouldn't have spent that much time on it and would've gave up or whatever. I did think about quitting it several times but it's actually really cool and I know they are going to love it but initially and still partly now I'm sure my motivation behind it was because I have a crush on the one guy.

Now I'm to the point where I'm kind of tired of crushing on someone that (while anything is possible) I have a very slim chance of being with lol. I am a very smart, rational person despite what I've written so far. I know reality vs fantasy and I know how I feel is different from the logic in my head. Sometimes you can't really help who you love. I've been getting closer to finishing the video so I think that'll help so I can get my focus off of it but also I was talking to a good guy friend about it and he suggested that I just tell the guy that I like him. At first, I said no way.. anyone with common sense would say no, not to say anything. But after thinking it through and talking more with him it actually kind of makes sense.

I've been terrified to do it over the past few months but also I can't get over it already. So maybe that alone is the reason why I should risk it. My biggest fear is telling him and him freaking out and telling everyone in the band and stuff and like being creeped out by me. I had an experience with a guy that liked me that didn't know me personally that well and he said all kinds of things that rubbed me the wrong way and weirded me out so I blocked them. So my biggest fear is appearing like that to this person. They mean a lot to me and I would never want them to feel like uneasy or whatever like that guy made me feel.

In the end, I know that I am not like that guy and I have zero expectations. I'm just tired of living life in fear and not saying what I think or feel or whatever. I've gone most of my life holding back from saying things or caring way too much what other people think and I'm just plain exhausted from doing that. I want to just be honest and tell him, not for him, but for myself.

I know I wrote a lot and it's too hard to explain all the details to everything I'd like to explain but hopefully anyone that made it this far can maybe relate to some extent or understand.

Nope. Don't confess "feelings" -- if he never changes the subject from being about the band and never asks questions about you at all - he probably is not interested or you are not even on his radar or he has a girlfriend. But if you want to do otherwise, do not confess feelings. Just tell him you will be in his town on such and such a date and ask if he wants to get a coffee or something like that. he may turn you down or he may accept and either be flattered or treat it as simply business. Who knows. you may even find once you have coffee that he is not what you thought. And you will be okay with that.

My advice? Keep it low key and ask him if he wants to do a drink / coffee / dinner next time he or you is in the area. You don't even know him really as a person so don't go all "fangirl" and set yourself up with a fantasy that he is more than he is.

Nope. Don't confess "feelings" -- if he never changes the subject from being about the band and never asks questions about you at all - he probably is not interested or you are not even on his radar or he has a girlfriend. But if you want to do otherwise, do not confess feelings. Just tell him you will be in his town on such and such a date and ask if he wants to get a coffee or something like that. he may turn you down or he may accept and either be flattered or treat it as simply business. Who knows. you may even find once you have coffee that he is not what you thought. And you will be okay with that.

I agree.......

In my experience telling people you have a crush on them never works out well. But then I always seem to end up with unintended crushes and trying to find ways to get rid of them. I once told a crush I had feelings for her in hope that doing so would allow it to pass faster, but the rejection almost made the feelings worse and more difficult to get over.

Becoming a groupie or 'confessing' your like to someone is not about courage or taking risks and super bad advice from your friend.. It's about having a crush and being a fan. He and his band may be used to fans and crushes by now if they are somewhat popular. They are also probably used to fans giving them the type of things you are making for them etc.

As long as you realize this is not love and that you do not have a relationship with him (except in your mind) it's fine. The only risk is that you become obsessed and creep the band out.

I ended up developing a crush on one of the guys.

 

Sometimes you can't really help who you love. My biggest fear is telling him and him freaking out and telling everyone in the band and stuff and like being creeped out by me.

Never confess feelings unless you've been on dates with a person consistently for a good amount of time and they show you they're interested in you and want to be with you. Life is not a romantic comedy, and he won't want to date you just because you told him you like him barely knowing him. Suggesting a coffe/drink/dinner when he's in town yes, but not confessing feelings.

When we tell someone else, it burdens them and empowers them with information. So I ask you: what do suppose he will do with this new information? It seems to me most of the choices are undesirable: pretend to be interested in you in the same way and pursue a fling with you; back off so as not to lead you on; awkwardly try to be friendly; or maybe - maybe - ask you on a date the next time they are in your town .. and then, what?

I would advise against saying something. I view it as short sighted and indulgent and impulsive, and counter to your goals.

'..I met them afterwards briefly'

________

I have three questions for you.

1 - was this brief meeting after the gig the only time you interacted with them/him face to face?

2 - how old are you and how old are they?

3 - what kind of music do they do?

(not going to go all 'when I was young' on you but suffice it to say, don't I know it all about mad crushes on band members).

You don't love him. You can't.

If he's interested in you, you will know if he responds positively to a request for a date. So, ask him to get together for coffee or something casual.

I hope you listen to the advice given. If you want any kind of a chance at all, then ask him to get coffee or drinks or dinner with you and see how it goes. Don't talk band or be the big fan. Take an interest in him as a person and talk like you would with any date. Find out if he is even single, assuming he agrees to have drinks with you or whatever. Find out if you have anything in common besides his band thing. See if you even connect on any real level. Also, yes pay attention if he takes any interest in you as a person and not just some big fan of the band he feels he needs to humor.

Do not confess feelings because that's just going to creep a person out.....think on it....how can you have feelings when you don't know him as a person? It's really off putting to anyone on the receiving end of that information. What they are hearing is "I have created this fantasy about you and now I want you to live up to it." Who needs that? Your guy friend is giving you terrible advice here. Not only setting you up to fail, but setting you to humiliate yourself. You say that you are rational, so please do be more rational. It's OK to try to pursue someone you are into, but choose wisely and rationally how you go about that.

Imo, confessing feelings would not lead to anything good. You don't know him so these feelings are not based on reality. Based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound like he is interested. Even if he was though, he is very unlikely to be able to live up to the fantasy you have built. The guy in your head doesn't really exist.

In my experience, crushes are major time wasters and an indication of emotional unavailability. Identifying the root and addressing the real causes would be invaluable to your personal growth and love life. In addition, they rarely amount to anything because the imbalance of emotions between the two persons is too great to allow for stability and growth. You are escaping to fantasy land/ living in your head so as to avoid the messy dealings involved in getting to know a "regular" person. Your energy would be better spent in addressing the little things you mentioned that bother you a bit at a time in your everyday life, the life that does not really include this guy e.g. holding back things, caring way too much what people.

The only time to "confess" your feelings is when you have been dating someone for quite some time and decide to tell them that you love them. You can say you want to get to know someone better, but if you "do this for you" and confess your crush, it will not have the affect you think. If he is a jerk, he will take advantage of that. If he is not, then he might be weirded out and avoid you, if he is a man of substance, he might say "i am flattered, but we don't really know eachother, sorry..."